BPDFamily.com

I'm so angry right now I could spit grenades!

Our government changed hands and within a month, the support I was offered to help me open my own business was denied, on grounds of ' rogram change' and "lack of need for these services".  It was top diddly effing dog priority for the last government tho, which is why they agreed in supporting it in the beegeebers first place.  BAM!

My grandmother died.  She was 97.  Lived a good life.  Cut her grass until she was 94 and still played cards once a week until two weeks before she died.  I weep those silent tears that sloop down and splat for her.  With her goes a generational knowledge of living life in a healthy, hearty way.  Her brother in law lived to be 102.  These guys did something right.  Then there is the whole back story about my abuse as a kid and the family connection that only began after the wonderful memories my grandmother and I share from my earliest years.  A part of me left with her.  SMACK!

My husband choose to stay home rather than accompany me to my grandmother's funeral.  KAPOW!

My daughter sent pictures of my grandchild to my mother rather than me!  WHACK!

Okay, some of this is hurtful feelings, not anger, but still, they hurt like a slap in the face just the same.  My chest aches with emotional pain. 

My God, what am I going to do! 

I've just wasted six months of my life investing in a business that was stomped out before it could even leave the ground!  F*#K! 

I know almost all if this has nothing to do with my BPDh, but I've shared so much here, I felt like it was the right place to vent and scream anyway.

I bounce from feeling like spitting grenades to like I swallowed one that just exploded tears.  Angry, hurt, back and forth. tough spot.

Crumbedheap

My contact just informed me that it isn't a 'no', it's a 'no at this time'.  They are putting out another RPF soon and she encouraged me to re-apply.  All's not lost.

Still feel like I've been punched in the chest.

And it still leaves me without work in the now.  And at least until March 2015.  Grr



And my BPDh has started another job.  He's going into this one with intent to stay.  It's been a week and so far so good.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  Been a lot of stress lately, as you may have noticed. 

just hanging on, c.