BPDFamily.com

Hi,

today I saw my T (specialist of BPDs, who also saw BPDh and me at MC)

He told me that he's not sure whether he's "extreme PBD" or STPD or STPD/BPD.

He's going to tell BPDh to go and see a well-known psychiatrist who specializes in PDs.

He said BPD has been into paranoia/persecution for too long now. That the way he stares (very cold eyes), with episodes of "delirium" (answering about his mum when I told him about us for example) is not typical BPD, but rather something else, more psychiatric.

I'm confused now. Has anyone been told similar things here?

Well, I've seen my fiancé disassociate and get paranoid about some things, but never like this.  Question for you - does he or has he ever used drugs?  My fiancé was a heroin abuser for years, and she tells me of the time when she was using, she was constantly paranoid and doing completely irrational things.  And while she has been clean 13 years now, I think some of her health and mental health issues are from permanent damage the drugs did to her brain and body. 

He told me that he smoked marijuana when young (he's 40 now) but had to stop because he had "bad trips".

I don't think his "problems" come from pot though.

I hear that for people with underlying types of psychosis, smoking marijuana can bring about the psychotic symptoms.  A good friend of mine's brother developed schizophrenia after he started with pot, and eventually committed suicide.  That's not so say that the pot caused your husband's problems, but that he states that pot gave him bad trips could indicate some kind of underlying psychotic illness. 

I had an ex girlfriend who certainly met criteria for BPD and NPD who smoked pot, and when she smoked some really strange delusions came out of her mouth - seeing things in "visions", thinking someone was trying to kidnap her son, etc... . 

Indyan - He is going to have to be evaluated by a professional.  I have to say that when my dBPDh was using drugs and then when he was using sex with hookers, he had extra delusion and paranoia.  Not sure what his diagnosis would have been under those circumstances.  It will take a very qualified professional to figure this out.  Psychiatric illness is complicated, my dBPDh has multiple diagnosis.

Do you know what diagnosis he got?

Is it co-morbidity or misdiagnosis in the case of your BPDh?

Yes, I hope he will agree to see the psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis at last. A few months ago he saw a psychiatrist at the hospital and (as bPD says, no proof of this) all what he got was "marital problems" 

His diagnosis, BPD traits, NPD traits, depression, anxiety disorder, drug addiction, sex addiction.  It all seems to be an offshoot of severe childhood trauma, peeling back the layers of all these issues and that seems to be where it has gone.

I agree, they are all sides of same the childhood trauma prism... .

Indyan,

I hope your husband gets properly diagnosed... .

I also hope you can focus on learning skills here to deal with the traits that you see in your r/s... .not the diagnosis.

Early on I focused way to much on BPD as a diagnosis... .and "chasing" the dream of getting that diagnosis.

Another post on here talks about mental illness being complicated and having to peel back the layers to understand any one persons issues... .and to get to a proper diagnosis.

This is so true... .

Don't focus on peeling layers... just focus on behaving appropriately when he presents some sort of BPD trait...

What do you think of this strategy?

I agree in some ways, however hearing about STPD was very important.

It explains why he's had "moments of psychosis" and why he looks like a robot, emotionless.

It helped me somehow to try and take his lack of emotions personnally.

I tried validation a few times last week, but it didn't work. I tried to make him talk about his feelings, he didn't answer. Because I suppose at that moment he was more STPD than BPD.

When we were living together, he was clearly BPD, and validation worked wonders. Now I'm starting to wonder if some techniques that apply to pwBPD do not apply to pwSTPD, especially stuff related to expressing their feelings.

The rest however (no JADEing, getting out of FOG, not reacting) has shown very useful indeed.

Something that I keep in the back of my mind always, is that I can't "make" him do anything.  Trying to get him to talk about his feelings is usually a way of avoiding my own, denying myself the right to have my own feelings, because if they become too overwhelming I might have to figure out what my boundary is

Why would this be such a problem?  Because I would fear the backlash.  If I live in fear, I can then blame him for it.  Blame him for "making" me feel a certain way.

He doesn't "make" me do or say or feel anything, I'm on my own in that regard.

I've had to learn how to respond, not react and it's something that I might struggle with for a long time.  It's okay to not be perfect in all interactions, just to be aware of consequences and to own them while hopefully learning something from them.

To get in touch with our triggers, we have them too.