BPDFamily.com

36 days since b/u. 23 days no contact.  Why the frick do i still feel anxiety, panic, loneliness,  over bearing thoughts of her and the replacement,  wanting to reach out, feeling shame and guilt when i see her car in the school parking lot. Im a damn basket case. Been out twice with a girl, zero confidence in myself.  Im so overwhelmed, I cant stand it. I cant stand it. Why do they get to live and Im dead inside. I wish her nothing but hell in her life. Nothing but pure unadulterated hell.

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru.

How many years were you together?

Their reality. Our reality. Then there's the one that really is.

You're kicking some addictions. Changing, but still resisting it.

It may not be where you'd choose to be but it's where you are.

Feel your feelings and face this stuff. You'll get through it.

Here's another chestnut. It's going to take some time.

It's good that you can't stand it. That means you're awake.

A year and a half. Never got to say good bye to her kids either... .

Sorry deeno that must hurt really bad.

It seems like you made a positive impact on their lives and they will remember that.

It does suck it sucks the big one.

This whole quote is so true.

It's awful to keep going thru the painful withdrawal.

It's a ground hog day gone bad.  Just reliving the nightmare over and over.

Take2, so correct. Ground hog day gone bad. I wish she would experience the pain she caused me and my kids. But she wont. Its all about her. Im left with the the wreckage. She moves on with some other jackass... .

I understand the desire for 'them' to feel 'pain' like what they have inflicted on us... .

I am in the process of 'forgiving and letting go'. Not for him... .but for me.

I don't care who he is with; poor thing has no idea what a monster he is... .yet.

I don't care what he does or who he does it with.

As soon as this house sells? I am packing me and the kids up, and moving 5 states away so that I never have to see or talk to him again IN MY LIFE.

The more distance and no contact I have with him... .the more healing takes place.

The more I forgive and let go? The more peace I have.

Do I have bad days? you bet

Invest 25 years of your life, into a lie, and yeah, you're gonna have a bad day.

But stay the course.

No contact, forgive, and let go.

I just wrote, and deleted a long post about how much I hate my ex-wife and expressed the very same feeling. I wish her pain. I wish her the same pain she has caused me. I deleted though because its just giving it more energy. I feel your pain, right now, I hate my wife so much its a good job we're miles apart! I wish her hell. But then I stopped, this is about us Deeno, stop giving her the power. Its over with her, yes she is a b*tch and will move on with some other jackass, no doubt, and the jackass will be us in X months/years later. Forget the jackass. Somewhere out there is a wonderful woman waiting for us (hopefully not the same woman!) and we both had to go thru this to get to her. Noone goes thru these relationships unless they have their own issues, cos healthy guys and girls would have walked away the minute crazy shows up. We didn't. Focus 100% on you and how you can clean - cos it is like being on drugs, its an addicition of sorts.

I am going through the same thing, and it does suck.  I was with her for 8 years, and It has been three weeks.  While she will fire occasional nasty gram, or hate text, followed by coming over and wanting to borrow something, nice as she could be. The last three weeks have been all consumed with think about her.  However, I know who and what she is, and all the pain and misery she has caused me, I do still want her back, for that one more time I can fix it, like the hundred times before.  However, I have been trying to separate what I believe her to be,  shatter the unrealistic belief that love conquers all, and see her for who she really is, I have been caught up in the right here right now fix it before it's too late.  They place us in charge of their happiness, and it is never good enough, so our life becomes consumed with trying to read their mind, and live in that moment, it sucks, because you want the time when you could do no wrong to be back, and they are too focused on themselves to have any compassion, they can recall the bad, either real or something they created, but will never be accountable for their role.  What they did to cause any of the issues.  I can't be with you because you did this, you ruined everything.  It could have been perfect if you only knew what to do, say on and on.  I know it doesn't help, I can say all this, but I still feel the same as you.  It sucks

Aug 2011 I found out he was having an affair.

((one month after our 20th wedding anniversary))

March 2013 I found out, our whole marriage was one lie after another.

July 2013 I filed for divorce.

October 2013, I recycled, cancelled the divorce

April 2014, I flied for divorce.

June 2014, Divorce was final.

July 2014, I threw him out.

It has been 3 years since the the veil fell and the truth was revealed.

It took 3 years of misery, heartache, recycling, etc for me to finally say "Enough" and mean it.

The take away lesson I learned was this: WHEN my gut says one thing and my brain / heart says another?

ALWAYS A-L-W-A-Y-S listen to the gut.

This nightmare would have been over YEARS ago had I let him walk in Aug 2011... .

I don't hate him.

I hate what he did.

I don't hate his mistresses or his addiction.

I hate that he chose those.

It has taken a long time to get here... .and I still have a day here and there when I want vengence, justice, to get even, etc... .

Then I remember drinking battery acid and expecting it to hurt someone else, is stupid.

Forgive, and let go is my mantra