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This has been my recent challenge.

I love my ex. I also hate ... .her behavior. Not her as a person. But the psychotic behavior that rip me apart.

Can we really love and hate somebody at the same time?

I think so, flip sides of the same coin--passionate, visceral feelings.

Indifference is the opposite of both.

i think love and hate are pretty much the same thing.


agreed.

Love and passion are not the same thing.

Yes, you can have both... .

Is love a verb or a noun for you - what about hate?

Love/Hate - same side of the coin - without deep emotion, neither is possible

Peace,

SB

I don't mean sexual passion, something different.

I love my children passionately, as in, with all of my being. 

Hate is as consuming as love... .if you're doing it right. :P

I think you can love someone deeply and feel hatred toward them simultaneously, or the two feelings can alternate if you are all stirred up and wounded.  Was that your question?

I agree

I really do not believe love is an emotion. Emotions are transitory. Love is eternal.

That is the twisted HELL of interacting with pwBPD. I wish it upon no one... .

IMHO no, love and hate cannot co exist.

They have nothing, in common.

I think you made your point pretty clear.  You love her but hate the behavior.  I get it.

I would like to consider myself as loving my ex. I want more for her.  I want her to get help.  I want her to be the person buried within.  The only thought that trips me up is... .do I really know who she is behind the illness?  To me, the flashes of good that I saw are whom I believe her to be.  The ugly side due to her illness is masking that.  Maybe I'm wrong but I tend to try and find the good. 

I can't really identify with the "hate" so much due to the fact she is cloaked with an illness.  I hate the fact that my ignorance allowed me to dance in the dark.  I hate the fact that something so ugly can reside in a human being.  I hate the fact that this awful disorder isn't more prominent in society.

I love her for her.  I hate it for it.

That's a key distinction and a determinal one for her own healing if she ever gets there.

To be able to stand up against one's own daemons you have to separate the self from your vehavior so to keep loving yourself despite the negative behavior.  pwBPD are characterized by self hatered on one hand that in the extreme turns inward as depression and self mutilation and black and white thinking. So learning to separate the self from one's behavior is a complex state of mind that needs to overcome both these traits.

Love and hate have everything in common,  indifference is the absolute opposite,  you cant just hate somebody unless you actually cared or loved them at some point, hate is the masked version of love.  You upset a borderline she will hate you with every bit of energy she has, hate is their way to mask their love , where as indifference isnt, for example:

If we can make a BPD hate us, they would have had strong feelings for us before or still do, and they show their hate through projection (i hate you for making me feel like this, so ill make you feel like i do to)


 

I agree with you.  I feel love and hate are on a continuum.  Love is one the one side and hate is on the opposite side.  I believe if you truly unconditionally love someone, you disregard and accept their peccadillos and idiosyncrasies.  Hate manifests from a lack of forgiveness and resentment for a person's behaviors.  You can dislike a person's behavior, but hating them is an entirely different concept.  

Mine has not tried at all to reach out. Im cool with that, but I wonder about it to. Maybe just to let me know she cared? That I wasnt a complete waste of a year and a half? I dont know. It is what it is I guess. Nothing I can do about it.

It is heartbreaking how they can just turn their emotions off and we are left here with our hearts in our hands. Right now I am wrestling inside my head if it would be better to just not hear from her, rather than her contacting me.  In a sense I feel as if it is stunting my grieving process but at the same time if she is willing to get help I don't want to just turn my back on her.  I am struggling with reason however, because I don't know if my motives are entirely pure.  I would like to say that they are but I think a small part of me clings to hope.  3 years I gave and it was taken away in the blink of an eye.  The pain can be paralyzing.

I hear ya AoC. I loved her and her 5 kids very much. I never got to say goodbye to the kids, her autistic son and I had a bond with him. Taught him to tie his shoes, got him into football where he thrived, and my 20 year old daughter bonded with her 8 year old daughter. My 16 year old son and her 16 year old son are friends. So she not only destroyed me, but my kids also. God knows what she told her kids about what happened. All i know is its gone in a blink of an eye. Slowly getting there, but its a series of hit and miss.

Luckily we didn't have any children involved however we did have pets/nieces.  The nieces are babies but we were planning to go see her first niece this Christmas.  I was over the moon as her sister had recently asked us to be the God parents.  My niece had bonded with her, luckily she is only 1.  Our animals, silly as it may seems, have been showing signs of stress lately.  I feel so corny mentioning them but they are my children.  I don't think she saw the magnitude of destructions her actions, or lack there of, would cause. Then again, how could she?

I sympathize.