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Probably sounds a stupid question but the answer raises the potential of other more serious questions about my relationship and whether I should be in it or not.

The story behind it is that I bought some vacuum packed chicken at the weekend for my lunch at work.  When I came to make my lunch last night I noticed that it was already opened.  I asked the GF if she’d opened it and when as once opened it needs to be used within 2 days. 

She replied that she’d opened it for our eldest’s tea earlier in the evening.   I know he had chicken the night before and thought it a bit unusual for him to have the same meal again but thought no more of it.

Later on I found a McDonalds balloon and asked GF where it had come from.  She said the youngest was thirsty while they were in town so she’d gone in and bought him a drink.  Ok fair enough – though I’m not sure why you’d go to McDs just for a drink.  Then later on I found another balloon from McD’s.  Call me paranoid but I’d think they’d only give you one balloon per child.   

I guess she’s lying about something but is it –

We popped into McD’s but the kids still ate at home later and she doesn’t want me to know that she bought them an unhealthy snack?  Not really a problem to me as long as it’s not too often so I can let this go.

Or -

The kids had their tea in McD’s but I don’t want you to think I’m lazy or a bad parent for taking them there?  In this case is she lying about when the chicken was opened (probably Tuesday) and is risking me eating it on and getting food poisoning if I use what’s left for tomorrow’s (Friday’s) lunch.

If she is willing to risk my health (albeit in a minor way) would she do the same with the kids.  I hope not but I do know that she will grab the nearest cup to give them a drink irrespective of what’s been in there before and various other things like that.

I can totally relate-to and validate the frustration of not knowing if what a pwBPD told you is true or not. Truth and precision were highly valued in my family of origin, so I get very frustrated with the blurry version of reality my dBPDw sometimes describes to me.

It's not that your wife is out to get you, it's just that pwBPD's have a blurry sense of reality, and will readily change details to please people around them in the short term.

First, I wouldn't eat it. :-) My husband seems to have a very fuzzy sense of time. On some things, he will say it has been a long time when it was only a day or so. With other things, he will think that no time has passed at all when the reality is that it has been a long time.

How old are the kids? The reason I ask is that when the kids get older you will be able to ask the kids what is going on. Until then, you may need to let it go. As long as they are eating some healthy stuff at home to mix with the McD's, it isn't really a big deal. I know that whether or not she is going isn't the issue. The issue is, "What can I trust and what can I believe?" When I am at work in the evenings, he will report one thing and the kids will report something entirely different. I tend to believe the kids.

As for the cup issue, be prepared for that to lead to other places. The reason I say this is because my husband will do the same thing with grabbing stuff that isn't completely clean. He got one of our kids a drink one day. He gave it to her and it had gross stuff floating on the top. She said something about it being gross. Instead of validating her, he told her, "I don't see it, drink it anyway." She didn't drink it but instead came and got me and asked me to look at it. I don't know how he couldn't see the icky film floating on top. I poured it out, got a new cup, and got a new drink. He turned it into a big deal when he was the one that gave her a dirty cup to begin with. It is maddening. And the kids don't really trust him to do things. I have gotten to a point where I don't care if they eat pizza or crap when I am not home. I know that it creates less room for conflict. The kids can get it themselves without worrying about him trying the whole push/pull thing with them.

Thanks for the replies.   I didn't eat it.  It went out in the cats bowl!  As for the cups etc.  I do try and keep an eye out and often have to re-wash things that haven't been cleaned properly.  I found a cup in the cupboard the other day with a thick layer of gravy over about half of it!  Also, she put some peanuts in a pot to store a few weeks ago.  It was only after I'd eaten a few that a I noticed a layer of fat in the bottom.  She'd put them in the bowl that she'd poured the excess fat from cooking sausages into.  Quite funny now but a bit worrying in the long term