BPDFamily.com

Some background: 4 year encounter/relationship; I ended it back in early June and initiated NC after unraveling lies, cheating, OW; confronted him and he revealed he suffered from BPD. My best guess is he's a hermit/waif.

9/23 ex BPDbf broke NC on a dating site. Message: "Holy Shxt, what a great Profile! And your pictures are absolutely gorgeous! You're going to get scooped up so fast! Well, I am giving this one more try, obviously, LOL! Wish me luck!"

Yup, I know, I know, I should not have responded! However, it felt good to take control and have a voice for once!   My reply... ."Thanks! I do look gorgeous, don't I! My inbox is full! Gotta go... .Buh bye!"

10/05 I received another message: "Why haven't you been scooped up yet? Stop being so picky! Lol!" I responded: "Considering you're no longer a part of my life, my dating life is really not your concern."

10/06 the next day, he removed his Profile from the dating site.

10/20 received an email: "I guess I was too friendly in my messages. Especially after several months of us not being in touch. Did you think I tripped, fell and hit my head? Based upon your tone, you put me in my place. It's not for me to know what you are up to. I would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable (really? Wow!) I deleted my Profile. I don't have the nerve for it. I'm laying low for awhile. I know I hurt you. You want me at a distance and that's where I will stay." 

I did not respond to his email. Sounds to me like he's depressed and playing the victim. The OW is still in the picture... .I unblocked him on Facebook for 1 day and checked his friends list. Likely he is looking for new supply (trying to recycle me) and devaluing her. But, still keeping and using her until he has a replacement. It's the same thing he did to me. Rinse and Repeat. Apparently his MO! However, it's really eye opening to now be on the "outside" seeing this happen to the OW.

Any thoughts/input on the email would be appreciated. I'm actually doing okay considering the recent messages. I'm almost at 4 months NC and I have been focusing/working on myself, my FOO Issues, and enjoying time with friends and family.

I don't think there's anything to comment on.  You know how it will go.  I am divorced from my uBPDexw, and she still sends me text messages telling me things like when she has period cramps.  She misconstrues cordial and light communication about our shared children as an open door for personal interaction.  I don't respond.  I stick to communication about the kids.  Might it "hurt" her?  Yes, but will it actually "harm" her?  No.  Difference.  The door is closed.

If you don't have to communicate with him because of children, why ever say anything at all?  Why care about anything he is doing?

Keep to your goal.  Who gives a @#$ what he thinks or is up to?  It isn't important and only serves to keep you stuck on him.  Keep to your goal of YOUR life, building YOUR life, doing YOUR thing.

You've answered your question.  It is a cycle that repeats itself.  The question for you, is knowing what you know, and having that validation, do you want to throw yourself into that again?  

I too know that replacement is in the devaluation stage and probably has been for quite some time.  The cycle (the disorder) is the only reason ex has reached out to me.  It means nothing more than that.  Not healthy.  Not about me.  I'm sure I'm not the only one he is "testing" the waters with.  I'm not taking the bait.  Ex needs professional help, not a "rescuer."  

Thanks for your input and feedback. Yup, I know I answered my own questions and concerns about the strange email.

Thanks Blissful, sometimes we need a reminder that "we" did not mean to them what they meant to us. The words are without meaning and are merely "smoke and mirrors". I actually went back and retread some of my former posts on all the awful, cruel things he did during those 4 years on the emotional Rollercoaster. His actions show who he truly is... .a mentally disordered individual who will never seek therapy and therefore never change. BPD is a viscous cycle of idealize, attach, push/pull, devalue, discard... .rinse and repeat!