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Someone said weekends were hard. i just had a vision he knocked

on my door... .and i ran into his arms and he kissed me and hugged me.

then back to reality... .

and i realize he wont do that... .and im questioning

why i am craving that... .i just want to be held right now.

any tips on how to get through the weekend without them?

i am set on staying nc. i know he wont reach out either.

i told him not to.

today is 3rd week nc. someone said 3-4 were the darkest weeks.

im going to be posting a lot for help through it.

By taking steps towards your future.  It's early right now and everything's fresh, I'm sorry you're feeling that, been there, but what works is to move, move away from him initially, as a distraction, but also try and focus on where you're going, and adjust, so what was once a movement away, a distraction, just becomes your life, the one you choose, with the people in it you choose.  Take care of you!

Weekends were always the hardest, I am 34 weeks out and weekends are ok now for me. For me, weekends and dinner time was very hard until around the 20 weeks mark.

I still think of my ex daily, urge of trying to know if she is ok or safe. Its getting lesser each passing week

What do you mean move away? like physically move?

if lives a town away about 20 mins... so im good there...

if i could move out of state that wouls be great but cant
wow this sh** takes a lot of strength... .how long were you with her?

this is literally like kicking an addiction.

Moving physically definitely works in a pinch, meaning move your body, run, climb a hill, whatever.  But no, I meant move away from him emotionally and in the direction of your future life, change your focus.  Happiness is created by progress, so pick a direction and move in that direction.

Maybe it's too early and I don't make sense.  When I was a month out I was getting drunk a lot, and I don't recommend that, but what worked best was to consciously shift my focus from the past to the future and from her to me.  It took conscious effort, otherwise I'd just ruminate, think about her, stay in a funk.  

Hope some of that has some value.

Some of these relationships were short, some were long.

Some with kids, some without. Some were BPD, some were... .Whatever.

While many of the details can be the same, it's different for each of us.

There's no rule book, no schedule, no map. It's not a race, it's progress.

On the weekend: Face the facts! Feel your feelings! Believe in yourself!

Congratulations on 3 weeks NC. How has it been good? Focus on that.

You got all the help you need on this forum. Im 7 weeks into b/u (she had a replacement within days, so they are still honeymoon phase) and 28 days N/c as i foolishly tried to put it back together. I still have thoughts of her, its hard not to when you gave so much. Difficult part was imaging her with the replacement and him around her kids whom i loved as much as my own. Its slighty, slowly getting better. Do you have a T? Best thing for you if you dont. People on this forum are amazing but feel free to throw out those thoughts you have on to this place of safety. It will get better... believe it.

My anthem is that "gotta stay hiiigh allll the tiiime

to keep from missing you"

yea thats where i am at right now. he feels "lonely"

i doubt he is missing me the way i miss him.

it hasnt been good. i mean im going through the motions.been

working out a lot bonding with a friend... .

but still really struggling. smoking more weed than usual

(its legal here) but still more than i would like.

im sleeping with a really hot guy (a ten) that i have no feelings for... .

most my nights consist of getting high then taking sleeping pills

(which im waiting right now to kick in) and then drifting off into

blissful oblivion.

i know he isnt going through any of this either bc he doesnt

feel the pain... .or hes masking it. which means it will catch up

to him later.


one time i talked to him after a really big trauma breakup and he

sounded quaint... .cool calm collected. i was a wreck... .crying ect... .

and i said must be nice youre not feeling anythibg over this.

he said "i just dont process emotions like that"

i said must be nice... .his response?

"not necessarily... ." he wouldnt elaborate... .what does that even mean?

he said he was trying so hard not to think of me ect... .

i just i feel so hurt... .

after all the horrible things he has done to me...

why dont i hate him?

why do i love him? I know ita childhood wounds... .

but i mean iv had 3 years of therapy. reticent to go

back again bc i tried 3 different therapists... .

and im still like this. I want change... i feel im in

a hole though... and cant get out.

"wow this sh** takes a lot of strength... .how long were you with her?

this is literally like kicking an addiction."

we were together 13 years

takes a lot of strength... .it breaks me sometimes. She lived 10 minutes away. You'll be ok, it gets better, slow but surely.

I use to wait at home everyday for her to come back for like 8 weeks, could not have dinner at the usual dinner time up to like 12 weeks. Look for new places to go that won't remind you of them.

Its hard, don't give up. keep trying and hold onto NC. I broke NC on the 15 weeks mark

i wish this group was in person.

what happened when you broke nc? i hate to

admit it but sometimes i wait for him too.

i was looking out my window earlier.

im 28... .attractive... .My child isnt home... and I'm

At home... .alone... waiting for sleeping pills to kick in.

I dont work this weekend which means its going to be a loong weekend.

i went into NC post 7 weeks b/u, only started then to read about BPD. On her BD i texted her, no reply. I broke NC 1 st time. Then missing her and all sorts of memories tormented me. I was trying to block them out then I realise, blocking it is just avoidance. I let it in and it was painful, accept it so it won't be so much pain the next time.

Then the urge of texting her again. On the 18th week i texted her to ask "How are you?" She replied "ok, why?". I stopped there.

then on the 21st week I texted her again asking "How have you been?" She replied "good"

Then on the 25th week i texted her : "I hope you are safe and keeping well" she replied " You should just move on. Take the opportunity to start a new life. Whatever that happened in the past should remain where they are. We were never meant to be together sine the beginning"

this was as close to a closure i can get. Never responded to any of her replies because i never expected any.

Fighting NC is tough too, I gave in because i guess i will stop feeling pain weather she replied or not. It was like something I had to do regardless of its outcome.

Hang in there, it gets to you sometimes.

What a heartless b... after 13 years... ."you should just move on"?

sounds like typical borderline heartlesseness. my ex has said similar things.

he is normally loving when i contact again though... .

all though tough to tell if that is genuine or not.

this is all a game to them. they only wnt you when they cant have you.

Her replies sounded cold and heartless, i knew her that way. So i took as a good sign and also as a closure. I never expected any replies anyway, be it good or bad. That could just be the feeling of that moment or she could be with a replacement at that time. We loved them because we are only human and we still do but we also know that the r/s is impossible to continue.

It could have been hard for me from my situation as I still lived in the house that we shared, drive on the same road we use to go in or out. Things in the house like furnitures and stuffs reminds me of the happy time we had, of that person we thought we knew when they are normal. Its ok, its over, wish them well.

Long weekends will pass like all other weekends, best is be with friends and outside the normal places helps a lot to distract you.

They are all heartless... .

Two months LC, three weeks NC. It's hard and yes, especially the weekends are long. I've been trying to distract myself. I've listened to 'guided meditations' on the internet, crying my eyes out during the meditation, hugging myself, feeling like ___ and then turning on the TV to watch some stupid show, happy that it was bedtime again and I can cross another day off.

So, it's one day at a time, make it through one more day, because all those days strung together turn into the time that you need to get over him. Feel the pain, the hurt, cry, yell, curse, whatever and then distract yourself again. Plan things ahead so you have something to look forward to. Tonight I'm going dancing with a big group of friends and I've been stoked for three weeks.

Only look back to think about the bad times, don't allow yourself to think about the good times, save that for later when you'll be able to handle it. Feel immensely sorry for yourself and then distract yourself again.

It is the r/s you want back, the feeling of being needed and loved, not the person. Keep that in mind!

I just think of the fact she dumped me for another guy. Yep. Burnt into my mind is her with another guy.

He doesnt give two s*its about me... .thats what i think of...

today is day 22 cant wait until i stop counting

and dont think of him anymore.

Shift that visual a little to see him putting up with all the sht you used to.  One of my ex's conquests was young and naive, didn't handle himself well, she called the cops, he spent the weekend in jail and months in court.  Do you and I wish that was us?  Hell no.


Think that he gives too many shts about you, to the point he feels emotionally overwhelmed, so he needs to swing completely the other way, black and white thinking, a defense mechanism.  He can never stay in the grey in the middle for very long, and that's where most of us live life.

i thought maybe i would wake up feeling better... .but i totally

dont... .i think i may even feel worse than yesterday.



i hate this. i hate that i let myself fall for him bc when i fall... i fall hard.

and he didnt deserve it.

why was i not good enough for HIM?

i feel awful today.

Go read some of my posts please. You will see a familar pattern. Trust me. It will start to get better.

Falling in love with someone who falls in love with you back is one of the most awesome things that can happen here on planet earth.  :)on't make yourself wrong for that, ever, just cut yourself some slack for picking someone who couldn't reciprocate, and figure out how not to do it again.


Because no one is.  The way borderlines are wired makes any relationship unsustainable, so there is absolutely nothing you could have done that would have had a different outcome, and no one else would have either.  You are perfectly human.

Do something radically different today, as a distraction if nothing else.  :)on't hang around the house with your thoughts, go somewhere stimulating, just to go.  :)on't know what time zone you're in, but we'll check back this evening for updates.  Take care of you!

It makes me sick. i told him not to come back...

but for some reason it still bothers me he hasnt expresses any concern

for me what so ever. its a catch 22 bc i want to know he cares

but i know contact is bad. its confusing.

hes my second BPD so i know i attract them... .

makes me just want to avoid relationships.

I know he is looking for a replacement

which p***es ne off too. bc im so not doing that.

how can you be looking for someone else so soon?

to me that shows he just wants anyone doesnt matter who it is.

i feel so rejected and used. Oh god... im spiraling

this is terrible.

Look, I was with a woman for a year and a half with 5 kids (I have 2 of my own) whom I got through her separation, Divorce, death of her mother, autistic son whom I taught to tie his shoe and got him into football, intertwined familys, helped and encouraged her coaching career while driving her kids all over the place, tried helping her with her house foreclosure, only to get dumped over her petty jealousy of my daughter and a bunch of other minor crap that offended her like, you never buy me anything, you didnt take me on vacation etc. Couple days later, shes with her old college buddy before my body even got cold. Im shattered still and dont feel like I mattered at all and that all I was was a rebound guy. Thats it. Brutal as it may be, thats all I was. I was kept from my friends, she kept me from her friends ( embarassed of me?) so what you feel we all have felt.

Borderlines MUST have at least one attachment, since they feel like they literally don't exist, are nobody, without one.  Notice I said feel; he could not state that with the clarity I just did because it's subconscious.


In a sense you're right, as long as that person can soothe his emotions, be used for that.  You don't want to be in a situation where you're infinitely replaceable, and that has nothing to do with you.


Go somewhere and make a radical shift, I'm telling you, you don't want to hang around and do the usual today.

What do you mean look? lol ur post comes off as aggressive.

not sure if it was or not.

i am not de validating anyones feelings.

just because everyone has also felt this does not

change that i am feeling this way... or make it any less.

my suffering is very real and still valid. i will post over and over

how ___ty i feel bc i have no where else to turn.

And it helps.

just bc others have experienced this does not magically take away my

bad feelings. im also not comparing my feelings to anyone else.

i want to but lost my debit card and no one takes

checks... waiting for it to come in the mail.

which i cant find my mailbox key which i think he has... .

so i feel trapped at home today. I would like to go to

the art museum or something... .but all my funds are in

a bank i dont have access to! my best friend is doing family stuff

all weekend... .my ither friend i let go bc she has BPD.

feeling isolated.

Well, walking is free, and a lot better than sitting around moping.  We look forward to updates... .

i plan on rollerblading today. then going to the library.

my thoughts still wonder to him even when exercising.

i have a bottle at a friends house trying to avoid that route

Good for you!  Of course your thoughts are going to wander to him, they will for a while, but you can use that as motivation to grow and create a future you love.  And maybe you don't want to hear that right now, but it's true.

I put away plenty of booze for a few months after I left her, right through the holiday season, and as expected, I felt a little better during and a lot worse after.  No solution there, but you know that, although don't make yourself wrong if you go there.

thanks... now i just need to motivate to get out of this bed... .i hate these cycles...

right now i feel angry. thinking of the time he was on his knees

beggibg me to keep him that he was screwes in the head after i found

him attempting to view child porn on the net.

just feel decieved and lied to right now i will probably write my whole story

later today. theres a lot i have never said... It makes me sick to my stomach.