BPDFamily.com

I kinda dropped a bomb a few days back on my BPDex. Telling her after she admitted to feeling empty and worthless, torn up inside and weighed down inside the truth. Of needing self love and happiness and was kinda... no wait TOTALLY INVALIDATING. BAD IDEA. Idk why i tried to rationalize with her i just was frustrated in the moment and didnt think i guess.(Sometimes when she acts so normal i forget shes BPD. lol ) Well now im trying to do damage control. It is quite obvious from her social media that shes upset at me or at least sad/possibly feeling rejected? Idk regardless its not good. And its been 4 days and every 4 days its her pattern for the last month to text me. I supposse im black again from my current view of her emotions. I dont want her back atm but maybe i will later? Shes single and its tempting but Im trying to take it all with a slow pace. all i know is i want to focus on myself for now in therapy and i cant do that whilst in a relationship with her. Its just that other than my mess up shes been pretty pleasant and i enjoy her texts. So yea as my title spells out which do you think would be a better option atm? Note: Both have worked in the past with positive results.

I also wrote out a validation text. Id love feedback.

"I understand if you are still upset at me because of what i responded to the last text you sent. That must have made you feel like i was being hurtful. I see now that i need to be more mindful of my words so you dont feel like that. Especially when youre going through alot emotionally. Just know im here if you need to talk in a positive and supportive way from now on."

How do you think you were invalidating?

For those of us who are not advanced validators, the natural response to what you are reporting she said might have been something like: "you're far from worthless, you're wonderful!"

Validation is not exactly about being "supportive," it is, essentially, identifying with and normalizing the person's feelings.  When they are expressing extreme self-loathing that can really run against the grain for people who have a cheerleader style of providing support ("no, no, you're fantastic!" IS invalidating).

Your proposed text isn't exactly validating, it's an apology, and it's hard to assess whether one is warranted without knowing what you said.  What happened?

i basically told her that the key to happiness and love comes from within in response to her feeling she said she was empty and worthless and her insides are tearing her up and weighing her down. I also went to state how drugs and relationships only numb the pain that she is running from and that the darkness she talked to me about before is a manifestation of her inner struggle. She also talked about wanting to go home to the state she previously lived in. So i linked this inot running away. I then stated that she has one of two options to face her demons or not but that these feelings will persist. Then tied in from my view how self love and happiness within were making some of the very same feelings she felt become non existent or at least alleviated. Wrapped it all up with that if she thought she wanted to pursue such a path that id support her every step of the way. So yea i feel like in BPD land i probably just made it worse and now im seen as trying to "change her" or "lieing" to her. So essentially the apology is to alleviate the upset i caused and in no way am i stating in my apology that i was wrong in what i said or that it wasn't true. im just acknowledging it from a stance of her point of view and how she felt and not going there again. 

Stand your ground bro