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I am hurting so much right now and missing him im in tears.

The only thing that stopped me is thinking about how he always

breaks up with me... .how i may be painted black right now

and how he probably hates me. how i put up with so much from him

but if i did one little thing that upset him he was out the door

and abandoning me.

i wish he would message me tell me he loves me and misses me but i told

him not too. im so scared he hates me right now... when all i want is to be

in his arms again


please give me strength.

Hang in there.  You know sending the email, breaking NC, will result in further heartache.  In time you will find someone who respects and loves you.  BPD isn't capable of it.

I think you just gave yourself the strength. Re-read your post. When I start feeling like this, I break open my journal and re-read all the bad crap again. Then I get angry. They dont deserve us. Tell yourself that.

We all want to break NC. We all imagine having a sane, adult chat about what happened, both maybe accepting some fault, apologizing and getting closure on good terms, like in a normal r/s.

But we can't always have what we want, and you know full well you are never going to get this.

It's a harsh truth, but sometimes you just have to give in and accept the facts as they are.

Breaking NC leads only to you having more of their shame and misery projected onto you. Please be strong, do whatever it takes to fill your time until the craving has passed. You know you mustn't contact him.

Don't do it. He's not capable of giving you what you think you need from him. It doesn't matter how nice you are to him, he will crush you again at his earliest convenience. I've been down that road and learned my lesson(at least I think I have). Having said that, I still feel like you do a few times a week and want to contact my ex also. But the last time she texted me, she said, "You need to leave me the fcuk alone". Well, alone she wants, alone she gets!

This may help you or it may not, but think of how you feel right now. Think of all the hurt and pain you have felt in your situation. Now think of who caused it and their lack of empathy about your feelings. When I do that, I get disgusted that I ever wanted that person back. These are sick toxic people that will only hurt you more and more over time.

Thank you guys for the support rough night

but i got through it cries myself to sleep... .

remembered the time he said he "almost"cried himself to sleep

when we broke up one time... .almost? i want him to love me

the way i love him. but that will never happen. he ll leave me over

and over like im nothing. and if he could easily replace me im quite

sure i would already be replaced

I think also... iv made all the moves... and the few times he has its been crumbs.

if he showed up at my door and showed initiative i would probably struggle

turning him away. but he doesnt do that... its always some sloppy fb message...

not even a phone call.

i think im also struggling with some things that point to him being a bad person.

which is really difficult for me to accept bc as friends the picture he gave me was of

him being the token nice guy. this is so damn hard ya ll.

Block him on FB and on your phone and everywhere else. You need to protect yourself while vulnerable, it's so important.

I don't have any way to contact mine now even if I had a weak moment - her FB is gone, her phone changed, and she cannot contact me either. It's for the best. Having a way to reach each other can only ever cause pain, never anything good.

camuse! :/ heres the problem... .in a moment of weakness i unblocked him.

i unblocked his main account which i cant message... AND an alternative account that

i can! a lot of times when he sees iv unblocked him his counter attack is just

to block me once he notices.

Which im sure will sting... i am really vulnerable right now... i thought i was before... .

but this REALLY bad... im going on 4th week nc now.

Block them both and anything else. Do yourself this favor. Ive been, there done that. 32 Days NC, almost 8 weeks since b/u.

I cant re block for 48 hrs! hea probably already blocked me i havent checked

Its ok. Keep calm. Just stay calm.

I'm on the 6th week NC and it is getting better slowly. I had a couple texts in there to finish some unresolved business but I don't think it really bothered me too much. Try to relax and stay NC.

Its ok, I pulled a dum dum move. Went into iPhone and tried to delete her number and some others I had blocked, ending up accidentally unblocking them all. Trying to find them all to delete and I cant... .what a dumbass move. Thank god I cant remember her number.