BPDFamily.com

I note it’s well documented that a BPD will be attracted to a NPD, and the BPD tends to win over. I also note that a NPD fears a Sociopath and acting Psycho is one the few ways to scare off a NPD. I’ve read if two NPD work in the same team, they tend to compete and fight for control  .

I suppose the reason I ask is that my BPDm had three obvious NPD in her life. Despite all these people being rude and abusive to us all and especially my BPDm,  she would overrule us all, and invite them back over and over. This I now understand, but when my BPDm and NPD bro both (seemingly working together) triangulated my two kids, they picked on my very confident son who displays Narcisstic behaviour (what young boy doesn’t) rather than my daughter who's full of empathy and kindness and in short a  more typical/easier target for a NPD/BPD. We don’t believe our son has NPD, but has anyone got an example of where a BPN/NPD child was the scapegoat when there was a norm child available to scapegoat ? Does the NPD/BPD always become a GC  ?

I also network in business, and know two people (who are now both customers) who show realy strong NPD behavior and they seam to work together in public and then b___ each other up to me in private ? There seams to be a love hate thing going on between NPD's. Can anyone shed some light ? Any examples ?  :light:

Hi Happy Chappy,

Fireworks! That is what I have seen when my FOO would gather! The egos are so difficult to manage and everyone wants to be the center of attention. A little background on my oldest sister is that she will do anything to draw attention to herself. She once feigned multiple personalities for several months until she wasn't getting the attention she wanted. So, I would think she is an NPD. But I am not sure. She could also be Histrionic PD.

A good example of this (and this is only one of many) is when my aunt passed away. My oldest sister (GC), myself and mother went to spend time with her children. They did not have a funeral or memorial, so we just went to be with them for a few days. My cousins greeted us warmly and were grateful to have us there to share in their grief. I loved my aunt greatly. She was my favorite aunt and I was devastated to hear of her passing and wanted to share memories of her with my cousins. We were invited to stay at the oldest cousins home, as he had the room to accommodate the three of us. I should tell you that my sister and mother were in some sort of feud that I refused to let either one tell me about, so my mother rode with me on the five hour trip. Not something that I relished, but I did it. Within two hours of our arrival, my oldest sister came to find me outside talking with my cousin about his mom. Oldest sister reported to me that she couldn't stand our mother and that she was sick of her. I was stunned. This was not the time nor place for emotional outburst. I told her that I was not going to listen to her rant about our mother. She retreated immediately and I apologized to my cousin. He knew the family dynamics, so he was not surprised. We came back into the house just in time to see my mother cornering his wife and questioning her as to why no one took her sister to the hospital to prevent her death. My mother was angry and raging at this poor girl who had nothing to do with the death of my aunt. I entered the kitchen and tried to preoccupy my mother with another topic. Didn't work. So I asked cousins wife how I could help with dinner. My mother continued. I was at a loss. I finally told my mother to go into the living room and join her niece and nephew. Bad idea. She just continued her rant at them. It was horrifying. I finally left the room and went downstairs. My mother followed me and demanded that I drive her home. I informed her in no uncertain terms that I was not driving her anywhere and told her that she was here to offer support and love to her sisters children. I went on to tell how hurtful her words were and that she had better shut up the rest of the night. Yep. I was direct and didn't pull any punches. My mother then went into how much my sister didn't respect her and that she yelled at her. How she didn't love her. Blah, blah, puke. Unbelievable.  Somehow she went from demonizing my cousins to demonizing my sister, all in the same breath. I left and went back upstairs at which point my sister wanted to relate to me why she was so angry with our mother, which started two weeks before my aunts death. Okay, I will admit at this point that I said some things that were not kind. Part of what she did relate was our mothers behavior that night. The thing that she could not wrap her brain around is that we don't need to have a private pow-wow to discuss her behavior. We saw it, we know what happened, now we just needed to do damage control and keep our mother in line for the rest of the night.

The evening was tense and we left the next morning to stay with my other cousin for a few days. I think that my cousins wife was so traumatized by my mother's actions, that we were never invited back to their house. To this day, my cousins don't speak to me.

So, what are the dynamics when a BPD interacts with another PD? Chaos, upheaval, and all the ingredients for fireworks.

I personally avoid all contact with any PD's. They are way too much work and trouble.

Peace and blessings.  :)

I have wondered about their dynamics too. What I have seen is my uPD relatives (3 uBPDs) have this love and hate r/s. More hate than love, actually. Two of them are sisters and the other is the daughter/ niece. lthough I believe they are all BPDs, they belong to different subtipes, one sister is more sadistic and histrionic while the other is more waif, and the daughter/ niece is very H.

The sisters never got along, but sometimes they become "friends" until some normal conversation makes one blow completely out of the blue (usually the sadistic one). Then they go VLC and resume contact after some time. Then the same cycle all over again... .

Aunt and niece get along very well, from what i have seen. Very superficial r/s, they meet on family events and behave as if they love each other soo much... .So many compliments and made-up memories from the past... .But they cant stand each other and badmouthing begins... .

Its all very strange, like watching a play where they interpret different characters according to momentary needs (they are all greedy and try to take advantage of each other in some way, they use their "charm" to get $$$ or attention, for ex). I saw no compromise with morals or ethics, they just say or behave in whatever way that will bring them some benefit.

No wonder Im VLC/ NC.  :)