BPDFamily.com

What my hearts needs to tell you,

Please don't leave me, if you'll ask me to come crawling, running even flyiflying. I will, I would do anything to just be with you. Just to hold you, fight your fears and ghosts. I beg you, please come back to me, hold me like you'd never let me go.

Please tell me I'm your biggest love the one you want to get married with. Tell me I'm the girl of your dreams and no one understand you better like I do.

I love you in a really big way, I'd do anything for you to be in my life. I love you now and it feels like I will love you forever. You hurt me, you hurt me because you never really loved me, even after al this time. What were those 3 years to you? I do love you with everything I have in my heart and soul... I love you and I can't believe you don't love me...

What my mind needs to tell you,

You hurt me I a big way, you are toxic to me. Cheating on me, lying to me, fighting me and breaking my heart. Breaking my soul...

You aren't worth this pain and my tears, not even my thoughts of you.

So you found someone else? Your new big love, she might be better than me for now. But one day you'll realse I was better, you'll see I gave you everything. You might even feel sorry about it...

It will be to late by then, I'll find a new love, someone who will love me for real. Love me for who I am, who doesn't need more and more and more...

I might be damaged for now but I'll heal, I won't run away the pain. Let me feel it, let me feel I'm real, that I can really love. Because I will heal and get better, even a better me. And when you realise it will be to late, I'll be gone for real.

So go, spread your wings and fly to your magical love world with her. Sooner or later you'll fall, and every time you'll get damaged a little bit more. You won't heal, you won't let yourself, so bye...

balou_k,


Yes you will, you are right now :)

They leave us in a heap, as mixed up as themselves.  They have so cleverly projected their insecurities onto us that we came to believe them, doubting our selves and our self-worth.  And, ‘we’ are giving people, caring, and capable of love … people with BPD aren’t, they simply can’t…

I just read your introduction, and am both glad and sorry to see you posting here (leaving).  Time heals, I’m nearly a year out of my r/s with an undiagnosed BPDgf, much the same as yours.  So programmed to doubt myself that it’s taken months to unravel the truth.  With a messed up 3.5 year r/s, I still think of her daily and have had a hard time moving on ... .as well as sharing most if not all of your opening remarks above :'(

It’s not how caring or healthy people treat each other, so naturally we begin to feel we must have ‘deserved it.’  We didn’t.  And the way in which they move on so fast in comparison - that’s the difference.  We attach with an ever-deepening love but the best they can do is temporary.  Her ‘next/ new’ love won’t last, none do. 

Hang around … I’ve got Kin ‘next door,’ (to you) but I don’t speak Swedish, either

Remember two things: This wasn’t because of you; and, your ability to love will be rewarded

It will ~