BPDFamily.com

This is a long story to show our bond.

Me and my soul mate are 20, we met doing Taekwondo together at 15 years old and have been dating for almost 2 years.  I loved this girl from day one, I have been in many long term relationships but you hit a spot in your life when you know the person you're gonna marry and shes it, shes everything I wanted and everything I need and when i'm 90 shes the wooden rocking chair I wan't rocking right beside me.  Last december I was kicked out of my parent's house since they are extremely controlling and forbid me to see the girl, I left a brand new car and all activities I done to be with her, my mother kicked me out and my girlfriend came up and said hell no this isn't happening and took me to her parent's house and our goal was to get jobs and get an apartment together and during the time at her parent's we've never loved so strong in our life.  now every once in a while I would get upset at the room being a mess and it would upset her.  But 2 months ago she wen't to a friend's house where she was sexually assaulted and raped.  After she texted me screaming she needed me and didn't know what she would do if she lost me and so I wen't straight there and got her, 2 days later she went to in-patient therapy and when she was there doing group therapy they was telling her we can't be together and saying the relationship is toxic and the problem is she pushing me away now because of fear that I will get upset at things she does but since the incident I have changed... .  I now go into the room and see clothes on the floor and smile and feel warm because shes made her marks in the room LOL!  I know it's crazy, but I have an Unconditional love that I can't stop, people say never stop trying and hold her close since she has BPD and as long as you do this we will go far.  The day she came back from in patient after 3 days being in there I spent $400 and got her a necklace that I wanted to get her for our first Christmas but my mother stole my money, got her a huge thing of roses and candy with cards and a teddy bear with a note saying how much I don't tell her enough how much I love her and I wan't to heal her but she says we can't be together until we can heal...   Well after a couple days she gives in and follows her heart and were intimate (Not sexually) but in a relationship, I give her massages with oil on her back and legs during a movie for 2 hours because I wan't to and she loves it.  But then she started going to some group therapy and when she wen't she would come back in a mood not talking to me then tell me we can't be together right now, and I know it's from her being scared, I tried telling her to open her heart and look into my eyes and trust me, so we decided that the problem was we moved in together to quickly and we would be awesome friends, and that she would not see anyone else at all and that i'm the only man she wan'ts and when I move out and get an apartment we would start then, we would cherish our time together so much more.  going through about 1.5 - 2 weeks we still held each other close at night and slept together because she wanted it and wanted me to massage her so I insisted and I massaged her head, back, whatever she wanted and needed for as long as she wanted because it made me happy and even at times she would call me baby by accident and it would be funny and when she would ask things like if I would massage her butt I would say "Only bf's massages butts"  and she would be like "You can be my bf for 5 min" she wanted it, nothing sexual because of PTSD with what the guy did to her but it was relaxing to her.  Well last Sunday we watched walking dead, cuddled I massaged her and rubbed her back and held her close hugging her, just loving her, even if were kind of putting the act of just friends we were still intimate as a couple because you can't get rid of that bond.  We watched more movies and I massaged her with oil for hours and we fell asleep in each others arms.  The next day she had thoughts in her head of hurting herself, not that she had the thought of going to but she was scared because it was floating in her head so she wen't back to in-patient therapy.  Shes been in since Monday and yesterday she called her mother and told her that our relationship is toxic, and her mom told me she didn't stay on that at all and the thing is she tells her mother all the time the day before she wen't there she loves me to death so I think it's this center causing these problems with her. 

I don't know what to do, I will never leave her and she doesn't want me to but shes pushing me away because shes scared and I need her to look in my eyes and open her heart and know that all problems are gone when we're together...



If other people are going through this, or similarities please post and update on you and your partner's health together.

Hi traindune,

*welcome*

I'm so sorry to hear that your gf was sexually assaulted. You felt anxiety and scared when you received the call and she's screaming. That's difficult for you and it's a traumatic experience for someone you love. It's terrible that she had to go through that. You care very much for her and you are in love.


I would like you to know that love or you are not above this disorder. Love will not cure her of BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness. It is triggered by intimacy and at the core of the disorder is the core wound of abandonment. She fears abandonment and engulfment, push- pull behavior, come close, stay away. It's a frustrating and heartbreaking experience.

Is she diagnosed with BPD?

What is the group therapy for?

She is diagnosed with BPD, I am soulless right now, shes in group therapy because she has thoughts of hurting herself because she feels undeserving.  I fall to my knees because im loosing her, she said she never want's to be with anyone but me and it will only ever be me and once I move out we can be good, but today she said that she want's me to move out and be friends and see how that goes.  I just dont know what to do, I am scared.  I don't want to be alone it will be my first time working and living alone by myself thinking 100% of her and I don't know what happened, she said I didn't do anything yet I take the suffering, and I will never stop trying, and I treat her like a queen and I don't understand she keeps pushing away, our goal was to see no one else and I move out so we aren't living together 24/7 and we could start then.

She is diagnosed with BPD, I am soulless right now, shes in group therapy because she has thoughts of hurting herself because she feels undeserving.  I fall to my knees because im loosing her, she said she never want's to be with anyone but me and it will only ever be me and once I move out we can be good, but today she said that she want's me to move out and be friends and see how that goes.  I just dont know what to do, I am scared.  I don't want to be alone it will be my first time working and living alone by myself thinking 100% of her and I don't know what happened, she said I didn't do anything yet I take the suffering, and I will never stop trying, and I treat her like a queen and I don't understand she keeps pushing away, our goal was to see no one else and I move out so we aren't living together 24/7 and we could start then.

You feel like you're losing her. Take a look at this article, it should clear up her motivation behind the behavior.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Fear of Intimacy (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79300.0;all)

I still don't know what to do, she says she loves me and that i'm the only one for her but says we can't be together right now, and when I move out to start as friends even though nothing has happened!

A choice could be to respect what she wishes. On the plus side, it gives you some thinking space.