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So he wanted to go to an event tonight. He asked me & I told him that I didn't want to go with him (& stated why) & suggested he go if he wanted to.

Blowup/fight/no discussion

Then about a week ago, he brings it up again. I firmly re-state what I said before. He has a fit and then it passes.

I could feel the storm brewing yesterday. Boy was I wrong. Last night was a tantrum, threats, me leaving more vomit & eventually, I caved. His mood changed instantly to a happy person.

I feel like total ick. I feel ick about myself, I feel ick about him, I know (knew before, but didn't accept it in my mind) that he will tell me whatever or make promises he has no intention on keeping, just to get what he wants at the moment. I hate this realization. I probably believe him more than I should because I want to.

I've been such a fool to believe his bologna. I've given when clearly I shouldn't. I've got to start watching out for myself first and foremost. That just goes against how I have always been.

Dont worry we all do it.

Dont allow knowing what is happening make you feel worse about it. Let it just stiffen your resolve for next time, and there will be a next time.

It is one of the traps, the more we learn about this, the more reasons we can find for being a failure for not dealing with things better.

I am more resolved. I have been slapped in the face with the fact that he will do and say whatever to get what he wants. He will promise the world on a silver platter if he thinks that will get him what he wants. He will do a version of throw himself in the middle of floor kicking and screaming.

I am gonna try really hard to put my wants and needs above all other. He has always come first, and while in the beginning it was the new relationship come first. As he has sucked more and more it is to the point that his wants and needs are so labor/resource intensive that I am left out in the cold.