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I'm hoping to understand my ex boyfriends behavior a little better so I can better cope... .because right now, I'm not coping so well!

After I caught him lying to me about his whereabouts (this was the 3rd big lie in a few weeks others included dating websites and such) he just left after I confronted him. I can't wrap my head around what happened.

I am his trigger now, so he is running from me because I caught him lying?

I love him so much. I miss him. I don't understand how he just left the relationship when he was the one who was lying and doing things behind my back. It seems like he doesn't care at this... .and cue the crying. I'm so tired of crying and not sleeping and of wondering if he ever truly loved me or cared.

First of all, I am sorry you are going through this.  It is painful and pretty much all of us on this board are goin/went through this kind of situation one way or another.

My view on this is yes, unfortunatly you went from solution to trigger like all of us. You have to understand that these people are not adults in the emotional stand point, they are childrens, early teens at best. By confronting his lies, he activated his defense mechanism.

They rarely confront their issues, they run away from them. Like many people on this board will tell you, get him off your life, I know its difficult, but you are worth much better. You are worth being with someone real and not with an image created to hide the cracks of a very broken human being. You are not his first supply and wont be his last. Its a way of life for them, they survive.

Did he loved you? did he cared for you? The answer is yes for the time it lasted, but remember this isnt a normal person and we normal/balanced people just cant make sense of nonsense, you will have to accept that its not personal. This kind of situation tend to awake issues buried deep inside ourselves. Look at your inner self and try to push him away from your thoughts, you will emerge from this a better human being.

I hope my words help a bit and I appologize for any grammar mistakes, English is my second language.

We survived so much. I can't believe this is really the end. Everything reminds me of him. I feel so forgotten about.


I wish there was a way to un-trigger him.

I wanted to be his last. I thought we would be together forever.

Im sorry for what happened to you. I understand it is harder for you to get over this on an earlier phase of the relationship. It seems it was all so sudden and you didn't desire to leave him or make him leave. Truth is, if he would have stayed you would eventually reach a point of saturation and you would eventually see more and more of his disease that would push you away from him (you already tell us that you had caught him in a few lies). That's what happened to me and a lot of others. It gets to a point where it is untolerable. Too many lies, cheating, abuse, one sided investment in relationship.

My sugestion is try to use this chance to leave this relationship and care about yourself. Staying only delays things. I've been fighting for my relationship, been undecided and reached the leaving phase. Its up to you but i guess if you stay, even if it takes months, years, decades, you will eventually have the urge to leave and save yourself.

In truth we never really knew them. We knew the good part of them. Either real or fake, this part, it doesn't matter. What matters is the damaged part is real, we saw it and its there to stay.

In the end they only leave behind destruction. Try to keep the good memories and go on.