BPDFamily.com

... .I guess it was her journal for a few weeks back in June. Yes, I read it. LOL. Although I wasn't sure if I wanted to. Basically it was a lot:

"I hate myself!"

"Why do I always mess things up?"

"I hate I have BPD. It ruins every part of my life!"

"I hate that I always hurt people."

"I wish I could run away in to the wilderness and be alone forever!"

"Why can I never make the right decisions?"

"I wish I was just halfway normal."

"People always say I am awesome until they get to know who I am."

"Why can't I see myself like others see me?"

"Who am I?"

"What is love?"

"Why do I waste so much time?"

"I have never been a grown up."


Stuff like that. Of course, she left her journal out once a few years ago and when I picked it up, she ran after me like she didn't want me to read it. However, later she admitted she left it out on purpose (she had written a lot of positive stuff she said she wanted me to read).

So sad. It must be heart breaking to read her feelings.

At least she writes them and she can verbalize how she feels. That's also something... .

It is heartbreaking because, until she got really bad, I never heard one negative thing about her from anyone and everyone always was excited to see her. She was always the life of the party. She was always very caring and the nicest person I had ever known. Her friends knew they could count on her and I knew I could count on her. Yet, even then, she couldn't believe people really liked her. Eventually she was convinced I didn't even like her, let alone love her. She has told me most of those things I listed and more about how she really feels about herself. It really is almost unbelievable she sees herself that way. Even after everything we have been through, I don't and never have seen her that way.