BPDFamily.com

My girlfriend of 5 years moved in a month ago and left me 6 days later and I found out that she had started up a relationship with a girl at work in the two weeks previous to my girlfriend moving in.  My girlfriend, left me a sweet note about how much she loved me on Sunday and then left me on Thursday and blamed the failure on me but I found out several days ago that she had been cheating and left that night and moved in with her new girlfriend. 

My ex is now telling her girlfriend that I am trying to contact her and harass her even though I have not tried one time.  She also has created a fake FB profile so that she can look at my profile because I blocked her.

I am heartbroken and confused.  She is diagnosed BiPolar but her actions seem to demonstrate more BPD traits.  Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward?  I have missed a lot of work and am now on meds and in therapy.  My ex hasn't missed one day of work (probably helps that her girlfriend works with her) and is out drinking 5-7 nights a drink.  She has told mutual friends that she misses me and feels so lonely and drinks to drown her pain and that she loves me but thinks she shouldn't' love me. 

Is this typical BPD behavior?

What do I do?

Hi lwmoore,

*welcome*

I would like to welcome you. I'm sorry to hear that your long-term gf moved in and left you shortly after. Your heartbroken, confused and depressed and you're on meds and in T now. That's tough.

We're not professionals and cannot diagnose. I look at behaviors and borderline traits. I can relate as my ex is not diagnose.

She may be diagnosed as BPD can be difficult to detect and sometimes it may be comorbid with another PD.

For insurance purposes she may of been diagnosed BP instead of BPD as BPD is not covered.

At the center of the disorder is abandonment, abandonment depression and abandonment fears. A narcissistic injury, the core wound of abandonment. Intimacy triggers the disorder and there's a push pull dynamic, the fear of engulfment and the fear of abandonment.

It could be possible that her fear of engulfment was not triggered prior to her having moved in. I have my doubts and I think moving in after several years triggered her engulfment fears.

She copes differently and although she seems to have moved on quickly, she lacks a stable sense of self, that narcissistic injury I spoke of earlier and BPD is an attachment disorder, the new gf is an attachment.

She sees the world in black and white and has difficulties seeing the grey areas in life. That being said, she was talking bad about you to her new gf, she sees you as all bad, a primitive defense mechanism called splitting to protect the ego from anxiety and stress.

She lacks impulse control as well, coupled with a lack of sense of self, she's not sure of the new attachment and fears of being alone and is checking if your still emotionally available. I hope that helps.

I am happy that you are in T and getting help. Is your T familiar with BPD?

hi lwmoore and i join Mutt in saying  *welcome*

i'm so sorry to read your story and i'm glad you found your way here. we have an active community of posters who are ready to listen and support, and we have a wealth of resources too.

i want to echo what Mutt said, that nobody here can diagnose, and that those recovering from r/ss with people with BPD need to focus on how the behaviors of our SOs have affected us. that said:


yes it is. Mutt has nicely outlined the elements of it. on a personal level, there are many items you mentioned that i too experienced: the suddenness; the infidelity; moving in with the other party the same day; the other-blaming; the suggestion of harassment; the self-pity. so you're not alone! please remember that. there is an entire board of posters here who understand. it may not be co-incidence that she left only after moving in; this may have triggered the engulfment fear.

i too am happy that you have a T. what do your mutual friends know? please keep posting lwmoore!