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Title: Told Her I Want A Divorce Post by: ATLandon on November 02, 2014, 01:29:08 PM Hey folks. I just told my uBPDwife that I want a divorce and that I am not changing my mind about it. She is upset, though not nearly as upset as I expected (which is cause for concern itself). We both admitted to have cheated on each other throughout the relationship and she has always told me that if she ever found out I cheated it would be a deal-breaker. Now she's putting the blame all on me for my cheating and neglecting to remember hers, but then still wants us to stay together.
I'm worried since I didn't plan on telling her this soon. I haven't even spoken with a divorce lawyer yet, nor have I gotten copies of important financial documents and put them in a safe-deposit box. Looks like I know what I will be doing tomorrow. Anyways, I know I'm doing the right thing and will stick to my guns but it hurts so bad to know that I genuinely am causing her a lot of pain and disruption to her life. She is doing everything in her power to guilt trip and shame me. I know she is only doing it out of pain and fear but it still cuts me. I just hate how bad things have gotten and how unwilling she is to let go of such a toxic relationship. I really am trying to do us both a favor. Hopefully she will see that one day. Title: Re: Told Her I Want A Divorce Post by: vortex of confusion on November 02, 2014, 01:41:49 PM Hey folks. I just told my uBPDwife that I want a divorce and that I am not changing my mind about it. She is upset, though not nearly as upset as I expected (which is cause for concern itself). We both admitted to have cheated on each other throughout the relationship and she has always told me that if she ever found out I cheated it would be a deal-breaker. Now she's putting the blame all on me for my cheating and neglecting to remember hers, but then still wants us to stay together. My husband and I have gone back and forth so many times about whether or not to split or stay together. One day, he wants a divorce and the next day he says that there is hope we can stay together. I have gotten tired of all of the back and forth and have emotionally checked out. We are still together but I am trying to work towards a permanent split. I don't know how long that will take as we have 4 kids together and have been together for almost 18 years (married 16.5). We have a lot of stuff to untangle and separate and I want to keep things as amenable as possible for the sake of the kids. Be prepared for a roller coaster ride. It might be a good idea to read through the lessons on all of the relationship partner boards. I have found all of them to be helpful in trying to detach, work on myself, and maintain some level of peace in our house. |