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He looked AWFUL haha.

Sorry but I have to laugh.  This guy went about stealing my girlfriend off me so I laugh at his demise.

I know exactly what he's going through right now,  being isolated from all his friends and family,  having to sit at home while she goes to meet male friends and then being accused of jealousy if he asks about it.  Being prevented from doing his hobbies or interests,  no sleep,  not eating properly,  being blamed for everything. The passive aggressive insults,  the manipulation.

He took one look at me and I just had this huge grin on my face while he kept his head down and shambled past.

My friend told me how the night she left me he was bragging and saying he'd "won"

Enjoy your prize good sir,  enjoy.

Awesome!

BOOM!   |iiii

Hehe

I shouldn't laugh... .

Baha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Shame he didn't trip over your foot.

Or walk face first into my fist

If I'd seen him a couple of months ago my reaction would have been violent but what's the point,  she's doing more damage than I ever could

Funny... .I never felt/feel any animosity toward my replacement... .it was like he could have been anyone... .besides, he had this beautiful, tall strawberry blonde manipulating him towards a relationship... .so ... most men, including myself would go for it. I never faulted him... .even when he would act out with her in public in front of me... .I just thought he was so pathetic to act in such an immature way and I knew she had played victim and told him a ton of lies about me so she could be the manipulate him. It was so bizarre... .The whole abusive mess... .

I saw that she was creating 90% of it and she was planning all this during the holidays and all the while telling me she loved me, living with me and playing my partner.  No... .I tag the whole mess on her and her sickness.  

He was just another victim... .like me...

It all damaged me quite horribly emotionally... .but it was all her!

I guess mine is a total downgrade. Bald as hell with just a patch going around his head, skeletor looking. Good for her. Maybe he can take her on vacations like she b___ed me out for, or buy her ___ like she b___ed me out for. Perhaps his tool is bigger, after all,  she had 5 kids. But i will say one thing, when her son stole a lighter from lab and lit a roll of toilet paper on fire and got pinched by the police and suspended from school, i didnt get the panic ladden phone call, or go over after work and spend hours listening to the boy and his mom threaten esch other and the associated histrionics involved. I cant say he did either, but based off my history, im sure he did. Im sure he's knee deep in his What the heck moment. As I always say, not my circus, not my monkeys...

i contemplated having my replacement investigated by the navy investigative services because i think he is married still but my luck and fear of karma stopped me for the fact of knowing that someday these poor waif man in the military will be in the same place i was and admittedly on some days still am

Ive been out of R/S JUST about 2 months. Getting there, slow as hell, but getting there.

I can honestly say, from the depth of my heart, I feel sad for whoever his new victim might be.

I would not wish the hell and abuse he put me thru on anyone.

I would never wish someone to walk a mile in my shoes.

Never.

A great white shark only has one thing in mind when it sees a swimmer in the ocean... .

He doesn't care if she has learned all there is to learn about GWSharks.

He doesn't care if she's there to "Protect GWSharks"

He doesn't care if she 'stands up for the GWShark, Defends the GWShark" etc.

All he sees, is a meal.

Because that's all he cares about... .eating, pooping, and breeding.

In that order.

And if the shark is hungry? He'd eat his own young... .

My ex husband fits this description to a "T" and I do not wish for another woman to feel the things I felt, or think the way I thought. Not one.

I'm sorry but I find this glorious!  I wish ALL the fury that Hell has to offer on my replacement.  He deserves every bit of it.  Every microscopic bit.

I've been NC for a little over 3 years from my divorce so I don't have any idea if they're happy or in chaos.  Just damn glad it's not me anymore but I sure hope he's suffering but I seriously doubt it because my replacement was the ultimate narcissist.  They don't suffer like we do.  They process and move on.

Eh, so what?

I'm free.    :)

If I would run into my ex with a new replacement( don't know if there is or not and don't care)

I would just see myself when I met him, because I too was the replacement. I was fed a bunch of lies and told how abused he was by his ex and how she cheated on him. How she used him for everything and he did everything for her and she appreciated nothing.

I am now the girl he is telling new horror stories about if there is a new replacement.

I did nothing but love and try to put his happiness before my own. I'm sure that is not the story he is telling anybody!

I feel horrible that some innocent person who might have never experienced the wrath of BPD will have a very long, painful road ahead filled with pleasure, excitement and then when she feels safe have the rug of reality that covers the hole below her feet pulled out swiftly beneath her!  She will not know what happened. She will start asking herself all of the what if and why questions. She will doubt herself and constantly back track to see if she could have done anything different. She will know the true meaning of hell on that day when everything comes to a halt and the love that she could only dream about her entire childhood, slipped through her fingers like water.

Complete devastation! My only feelings for my replacement ( whoever and whenever) is that she gets out faster than I did and that she finds our family to pull her up from the floor!

Yes it's okay to be angry, but be angry at the right person ( your exes) or yourselves for accepting their horrible behavior and total disrespect and regard for us!


Hugs to you all! Don't forget, you were the replacement for your exes ex!

Rifka

ZING!  |iiii  Don't we wish we were all so lucky if presented with those circumstances. I don't think my successor even knows I exist. My ex and I never talked about her skeletons except her ex who left her for another woman.  I used to think he was an ass based on her description. Now I know his pain.  He has a daughter with her; so glad I never did.

Hasn't happened yet for me but I'm looking forward to it. 

She is a self-proclaimed golddigger so I imagine someone 20 years her senior and unattractive.

I'm a little more worried about the flipside.  If she runs into me with another girl (someone I'm dating or just a female friend). 

If by some miracle she is dating someone trying for a "real relationship" and not trying to get rich, I will warn him.  He'll probably tell me to go f myself but a few months down the road he'll think to himself, "Wow, that guy was right."

I remember when I first saw my replacement, it was the ultimate 'What the heck' moment. He was totally different from me and without sounding arrogant, a bit of a downgrade from myself.

It made me more confused about my exBPD fiancee state of mind, constantly asking the question, why him?.  I knew she was struggling without me, but this guy?

It made me realised just how much she had changed. I did not know her anymore.  I soon found our about BPD soon afterwards and started ticking off all the boxes.

They are getting married this month.  Just waiting for the car crash to take place. Just hope my son does not get hurt. (He hates his 'stepdad'

F'ing awesome story man!

And yea, can't have animosity towards the new supply. I was the new supply once, mine had an emotional affair with me while living with another BF of 2 years, she wanted to physically cheat but I refused. While she never smeared him too bad, he was generally portrayed as someone apathetic, non contributing and dismissive. I believed it too, and then I became him. I can now imagine that she beat him down to a shell as well. The circle of BPD keeps spinning.

What we have in common with all of the other suitors is the borderline, someone who wants what we want, but the way they're wired makes relationships unstable and chaotic, impossible to sustain, and that has a ripple effect that touches a lot of people.  Sad that.

And yes, there's a desire for revenge when someone steps into where we just were, chest puffed out feeling victorious, and there's a sweet thrill to knowing or even seeing how deflated they become after time spent with the disorder and their own triggered sht, but really, looked at objectively and removed, everyone's in pain, revenge is the wishing of pain on someone else, because we're in pain, and it all starts with the perpetual pain of the borderline.

So the best revenge is success, a life well lived.  When we take steps in the direction of the life of our dreams, what is at first maybe a distraction from the pain but eventually just our new life, the pain and the borderline fade into the past, a fading the borderline never enjoys themselves.  What single step can we take right now in the direction of an empowered future and a life well lived?

I go back and forth, somtimes I feel sorry for the woman my uNPex is with. He met her a few short months after our divorce and 15 year relationship. When she first started coming around our marital home my best friend and neighbor actually once thought it was me and wondered why I was at his house, taht is how much we look alike and there are so many similarities between the two of us it is creepy.

After our divorce we recycled for about a year during which he was seeing her. Six months in I decided to tell her what was going on. He told her she could believe me or she could believe him, she chose him. I feel bad for her girls. My ex has admitted to a mutual friend that he can't stand one of her kids

This times 100X.

I haven't met any further replacements after me, i think we're on 3 or 4 now, but the latest one has got himself into quite the pickle as he's been trapped with a child like two others before him. I don't have any hostile feelings towards this person as i'm sure he's probably a nice guy. The problem lies with her.

I vacillate between jealousy and compassion. My replacement was definitely a down grade.  Recently, i saw my ex who is clearly dysregulating.  She's been with my replacement over 6 months and rhe holidays are coming, a time when my ex decompensates.  She switched moods on me at 3 months and left me the first time at 5 months, ,recycled and switched moods again at 3 months and broke up 9 months later after months of distance, silent treatments, unreliability for making plans, and emotional cruelty.  I am coming out of the fog but still wonder why she is with this other person still.  I am being treated for PtSD and wouldn't wish my experience on anyone and truly believe she has to be doing this to her too.  As you can tell, I have a ways to go to get out of the fog. 

I agree with this and I too, feel that I was once the replacement.

However, I do not wish my replacement anything but the bad stuff she will eventually have to deal with.  She knew she was contributing to ending my marriage and did not care about the hurt she was causing.  Therefore, I think it is only right that she suffers similar pain eventually.

Hell, maybe they'll live happily ever after. My ex was cheating on me and got caught. It's only when she got questioned by me about our relationship that she broke up with me. They had communication on Facebook and my ex was listed "in a relationship" with my profile while they were cheating. And while my replacement may be a great guy. I have no respect for a man BOY that cannot find a single woman for a relationship and pursues women that they know are married or in relationships. I would love to see him in person so that I can tell him to his face, "Rocky, you have no integrity or character as a man, you are a BOY".

Enjoy your prize sir and good luck, you'll need it. Play stupid games, get stupid prizes, what a chump... .

ehh, you don't know what she was telling him. I was told repeatedly that the relationship was over, that she had told him so, yadda yadda yadda...

Oh, i understand that. But regardless,  if it was me, I wouldn't be messing with her while her boyfriend was still living with her and she was still listed "in a relationship". It doesn't take weeks or months to change a relationship status? I guess I'm old fashioned, I think that you wait until the ex is totally out of the picture. If you're messing around with someone and they can't even change their relationship status on FB, somethings up... .

Exactly! Maybe we all walked into some bodies shoes that they we're not out of yet? Did anyone really know unless they know and spoke to the ex? Maybe the same could be said about us! Maybe we were fed all the lies but they were really still not done or the ex had no clue because you know BPD ammo, they are quick to bolt when they line up a newbie! That newbie was us possibly!

I can't feel anything but sympathy for the maybe new or future women in his life! They will all eventually walk through hells doors.

I really believe the stories they told us move with them to the next victim, as we felt pity for them for their exes treatment, the replacements feel pity for them for our treatment of them, because they never tell the truth!


Fred,

Everybody does not read status on people's facebook pages, or even use it often. I didn't friend my exBPDbf because I knew it would be so much grief and more stress that he would add to my life. He gave me a hard time about tht accusing me of hiding something ( his own insecurities) I had nothing to hide! I didn't need a spy!

Your replacement probably never saw the status, plus she fed him a crapload of how ( ADD ANY HORRIBLE WORDS HERE) you were, even if you weren't.

YOU CANT EXPECT LIARS AND CHEATERS TO TELL THE REPLACEMENTS THAT THEIR EXES WERE WONDERFUL! THEY NEED EMPATHY FROM THEM SO THEY POUR ON THE TEARS AND SOB STORIES! Did you forget them? That would be a great new thread! What were their sob stories that pulled us in?

You are correct. However, as far as I know, she wasn't seeing anyone when I came around. But like I said, he knew about me and that we were in a relationship. She was cheating on me with him for at least 4-6 weeks if not longer before we even broke up and he knew about me. She is ultimately to blame, but he has some blame on him too. Like I said, if you're screwing someone and they can't or won't change their relationship status for weeks or months then you are complicit.

Fred, read prior message for you, sorry I modified it to respond, but our posts crossed!

If she told him she was done with your R/s and it had been over for some time, but she was giving you needed time to move out ( because they are so wonderful lol! ) would that change your thinking?

I'm really thinking just as we were, the replacements are innocent victims to the words and beliefs that our exes say about us and how horrible we were! Yes we all know we were not horrible, but why else would somebody new come to save them?

This is very true. When i first met the BPDx she told me she was in the process of getting divorced. I came to find out she was still sending him love notes and only let him go once she reeled me in. She did the exact same thing when courting the replacements after me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that my ex initiated all of it. But I'm fairly certain that they were both in on it. And although the text messages don't tell the whole story. There was one text from him that said something like, "What are you going to do about your BF". Those aren't the exact words, I'd have to go find my thumb drive, but you get the idea. Plus, I just have this gut feeling that they both knew what they were doing. At this point, I don't really guess it matters anyhow. Like I said, good luck to him. He'll need it!

They can't be alone for one minute. Not one.

Yes. After the break up and the subsequent emerging from the FOG i put the pieces together.

I remember when we first started texting she sent me photos from her on her patio or the view or whatever. It wasn't the same place I visited her at a month later.

I knew she had, according to her, recently broken up with some guy. I wasn't too worried about it since they had only been together for two months... .so I also didn't make the connection between the other guy and the old place (they had only been together for two months, right?... .which actually wasn't a lie.)

But they had actually moved into a house together after two months of dating, and she had already begun triangulating with me. Go figure. So irrational and unreal... .How could I have caught that?

It is actually like a thread that ran through our entire relationship. She often didn't really lie. But the stories she half way explained were, in reality, so insane that my brain just put them together in a way that made sense.

Her way of gaslighting. She could just say: Never said that. You knew that. I told you.

But i digress.

Just as a side note, since it has to do with them never being lonely. We were already living together, when I was going through some bags to find one suitable for my use. I had to empty some stuff out of one. I found a not that struck me as so weird. In retrospect it makes me laugh. At the time I thought it must be really old (J is the husband she was married to before she got together with the guy i replaced) and she just had this note in this unused bag from way back. It was a list, it read to the effect of (the last two items are the ones I remember verbatim:)

- Creamer

- Book

- Carwash

- Coffeemachine

- Infinite love for J, forever.

Hilarious. Isn't it?

Things keep getting jogged in my memory by reading this.

For me... .after getting thru the pain and trying to see clearly I know that MOST (certainly not all), of my exes lies are lies by omission. i.e. just knowing that there was a 30,000 lb. elephant in the room... .oh like the other guy she was bang'in (while still livin with you for 5 years). I was being told "I love you", so I wasn't asking about anyone she was currently F'ing, so in her world she wasn't lying, right?

For all I know she told my replacement that we were roomates. I think the self-centeredness and ego (temporary) of a BPD is so huge that I am not even able to comprehend it... .like at times I think she thought she was master of the universe with her smug manipulations.

She wasn't  lyin... .I just wasn't asking the right questions?

There twisted and sick.

By now the honeymoon is starting to fizzle out and I'll bet she's not happy. I bet the cheat shes living with is miserable. I can't see living with her in a motorhome. Yee gads it was bad enough in a four bedroom 2000 sq ft house !-