BPDFamily.com

Any advice?

I've refused to be drawn by her rage and have only been loving. Until today - today I've left the house and I'm just getting out of the way.

She wrote this:

"Just wanting to thank you so much for the huge efforts you're putting into

being a good father and husband.  I really appreciate the time you're

spending with the girls and for the habits you're trying to instill in

them with regards to their studies.  It means so much and greatly lightens

my load.  Thank you for looking after the girls while I've photographed

this past week.  It's been such a help.  Thank you too for making efforts

to love me."

And then proceeded to absolutely go on a divorce rage in front of the children. She has been going for 1 month now, and there's no sign of the volcano plugging itself. She found my laptop unattended today and started looking at the posts on my bpdfamily account (unfortunately I had a window open) and she went stark, raving, bezerk after reading what I've written.

I choose not to take the abuse any more. I've chosen to heal from it. My children are still there in it :-(

What to do? any advice?

My wife found mine too when she kept my laptop and did the same thing.  She also told her family that I've had an affair and have painted me black than before.  Seen each other for 5 minutes since... .That was seven weeks ago... .I'm sorry and I feel your pain... .

Thanks Maroon liquid. It means a lot to know someone is going through the same thing. Ditto affair accusation and painted black :-(

I've chosen not let her get to me. I have my future and 3 children to think of. They are my inspiration.

Strength in your situation. We can get through this! I think :)

Good luck, Moselle. Be strong, be mindful, be calm. Be a mountain, and let those clouds in your life that obscure your head slowly drift away on the wind. Be yourself.

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Let this thread stand as a warning that our time on this forum must be kept Top Secret from our pwBPD. It is an unfortunate and bitter irony that the supportive resource that is most helpful to us is viewed as a stab in the back by our pwBPD.

Steps I take to ensure secrecy:

1) Never visit this site from the shared computer, only my password-locked phone or my work computer (and even then the devices are never set to remember the username & password). No browser history, NONE.

2) Never visit this site with my uBPDw in same location. No chance of her walking in on it. NONE. I post from work mostly.

3) Use throw-away email account to register, not the work or gmail accounts that show up on my phone. Nothing pops up, nothing in inbox from bpdfamily. NOTHING.

4) Username is completely alien. I have a handful of internet handles, this one is utterly different and does not connect to or hint about anything about me in real life. NOT ME.

5) Purchase resource books with cash, destroy receipts. Not "throw in wastebasket", but DESTROY as in burn or shred at work. NO CHANCE FINDING.

The mindset is: "If there is any doubt, there is no doubt." combined with "Run Silent, Run Deep."

Stay undercover, my fellow Nons.

I'd add to Mono No Aware's very good list:

The volunteer staff here (Moderators, Advisors, etc.) can do things to help recover from a situation like this. Get in touch with them.

 

Use chrome as a browser.

ctrl shift N get you in incognito mode.

Leaves no trace on computer... .

Best bet is to not get caught...