BPDFamily.com

I am just curious. Because I am not seeing a single BPD relationship that seems to fully workout. I am pretty sure my mother is BPD and she is on her third or fourth marriage and it is crumbling. In fact every relationship she has been in hasn't worked out. My exBPDgf who recently dumped me doesn't seem to be able to really reciprocate full love and work on a relationship. In fact I don't know if she knows what a "real" relationship is. (neither do I for that matter). Everytime I am on here or look online I read that they never work out. So I am just wondering has anyone ever heard of a BPD relationship working out until the end? Or do they all end eventually.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=113820.0

There are many examples of pwBPD having loving sucessful relationships.  I have an old work collegue who's partner is in DBT groups skills and she has actually got worse with her rages now that she is starting to try and regulate it all but her rages have gone from daily to once a week. 

They have been together 6 or 7 years now.  Both are in it for the long haul.  We are here because our relationships failed however there is a whole board for people to work on their relationships and build on them. 


AJJ. 

Has anyone ever heard of a successful BPD relationship?

*crickets*

IMHO, that's a contradiction in terms.  Just not possible.  Not in the long run.

I know one that lasts for + 60 years. Im not kidding. She´s uBPD and he´s uNPD. From the outside, looks very dysfunctional, the adult kids are messed up (in my view) and I dont find it healthy in any way. But it works for them.

Once I heard a very cynical psychologist say that marriages are a match of 2 neurosis. I think that was the case here.

He is very N, condescending and told me that she "has issues", so he´s patient. I guess its his way to look good to outsiders, but he doesnt badmouth her, they are a team. I believe the kids suffered cause of that, the couple was too involved to pay attention to other´s needs.

She is very jealous of him (still is) and I think that feeds his ego. She looks up on him and that must be so flattering for him.

Doesn't sound very successful to me.

[quoteI know one that lasts for + 60 years. Im not kidding. She´s uBPD and he´s uNPD. From the outside, looks very dysfunctional, the adult kids are messed up (in my view) and I dont find it healthy in any way. But it works for them.

Once I heard a very cynical psychologist say that marriages are a match of 2 neurosis. I think that was the case here.

He is very N, condescending and told me that she "has issues", so he´s patient. I guess its his way to look good to outsiders, but he doesnt badmouth her, they are a team. I believe the kids suffered cause of that, the couple was too involved to pay attention to other´s needs.

She is very jealous of him (still is) and I think that feeds his ego. She looks up on him and that must be so flattering for him][/quote]
Sounds like my in laws & the adult kids are also very messed up

Nope - It is similar to raising a child with a bad mental condition but with one key difference. You will love the child unconditionally and the condition does not bother you in any way as it is your child and you love them. However, just remember having a relationship with someone with BPD is a choice and even though you will love the person very much there is absolutely no way you can convince yourself that it wouldn't be better with a non. And you can't love someone with BPD unconditionally because that means condoning cheating, lying and manipulation - All traits which make for bad relationships. Eventually it will wither fail completely or the non will accept his/her fate and give up themselves with devastating consequence- Be a shadow of their former self. A relationship can therefore be successful but never for the non. 

I think it depends on your definition of success.

And do they get better without DBT over time

I guess it may be possible with someone whose symtoms are very mild but then again it would be difficult to pinpoint BPD on someone like that. The BPD i was involved with was so self destructive that i don't see her ever having a succesful relationship. She just jumps from guy to guy to support her and her million kids with no break in between.

Well put, Pieter2.  I would add that it's difficult to make any progress on the fundamental issues in a BPD r/s, so it's like running in quicksand.  You can do it for a while if you're running hard, but it's tough to sustain over the long haul.  At some point, the Non runs out of gas, or at least I did.  LuckyJim

88 total posts on the Success Stories board in 6-1/2 years is hardly encouraging.  Especially considering that "success" is a very subjective term.  

Yes Waifed. I should have known better than to open this thread with hope in my heart. 

Sorry

Yep, as others have said it depends how you define success, and folks on the Leaving board are going to be biased.  Folks on the Staying board are biased the other way, and it would be interesting to conduct a poll there to see who considers their relationship a success.  My ex was married for 12 years, and one of the few comments she made about her ex husband was he 'followed direction well'.  I'd rather shoot myself in the head than sign up for that, but to each his own.

Thank you for the laugh! :)

Hey fromhtoh, you could say that those of us on the Leaving Board have had our optimism tempered by reality! :)  LuckyJim

Relationships can be tough to maintain but with the right two people its easier. But in A BPD person n I doubt it. She destroyed every relationship with almost everyone in her own family aunts uncles cousins siblings not to mention husband's n boyfriends over 62 years.  I see no end to her destruction since she is now 62 n not admitting things n getting help. If they get help n stick to it. Then maybe there is a chance.

Mine was in therapy for over 2 years but got stuck and had to quit. So I ended it, it wasn't good enough. Maybe his experience with me, with one or two other girls, will eventually lead to a r/s he can maintain. But there is a lot to be learnt and it all depends on his attitude, which, generally is quite self-destructive. I think it can be done with people that seek help and want to change, but even recovery is a rocky process...

Had to chime in on this one!  My ex went back to his wife (don't ask, please!) after he dumped me. They will be having their 26th anniversary in December. He is BPD. She is either BPD or NPD (rages, violent).

He seems very happy with his life. Although he spends most of it on Facebook !   

Hahaha, inside joke. Rocky is my replacement's name. Or as my ex says, "he's just a friend"