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Title: Trying to be painted "white" Post by: guy4caligirl on November 05, 2014, 10:53:52 AM Hello guy4caligirl Justify Argue Defend Explain = JADE Often perceived as invalidating by a person with BPD. It's like adding gasoline on the fire when a person with BPD is already upset/dystegulated. Best not to do it if you can stop your instinctive reaction. :) Biggest issue with JADE is it pushes you off the point until you are defending a completely different issue were your excuses are getting weaker, until you snap in frustration. After 5 years RS with my exgfbp she has been gone to another state living with two nice gay friends of her , she did the silent treatment I did what everyone did anger bargaining and so on . She needs money so she ask me if she can get her job back as a buyer like we always did when together btw she is good choice so I agreed something is better than nothing at it and can really help she set boundaries and said as long as I don't mention anything personal I had no choice but to accept and go on with it she is thrilled with idea and deposited a small amount in her bank account she texted me back and said the sweetest words since she broke up with me : "I thank god for you " As she lives in another state so our business would be text fax emails phone calls .and in one month we have a buying show to attend together I have no idea how am I to manage my presence around her not because I am scared but I can't read her thoughts you all know that . Today she is creating a new email just for the business and said it's a fresh new beginning no residual negative personal energy that was formally related with her personal email .and she will email me from this new email as soon as she sets it up and we'll forget this one ever existed If I mention relationship I might loose her for ever but am not , so that is a good way to keep her coming for more she missed the shop and the buying , I think its going to help her regain some confidence in me and hopefully I will be in the white Could that be her way to get close to me again using the business friendship so she can establish a start point baby steps ? Please help me I really don't want build up hope for nothing I could have easily said no to the job offer but she needs the money and she feels better working for it and she is very exited about it like a child with a new toy , but I am doing this to get her to put back in the white selfish I know but what else I can do ? Ever had an issue blow up and you end up squabbling about something completely different and off the point? It is probably you going into JADE that got you there. You have gone from conflict resolution to conflict win/lose, a battle of wills, which you usually lose. Title: Re: Trying to be painted "white" Post by: Rapt Reader on November 07, 2014, 09:41:11 AM guy4caligirl, I'm sorry this relationship is driving you so crazy; have you checked out the links yet, to the right-hand side of this page? Every single one of them? It really does help to center us, help us catch our breath and figure out what to do next when we get a handle on understanding how our partner thinks and feels, and how best to deal with them.
Maybe you can just be calm with her, friendly in a business-like way, and then read all you can of the Articles, Workshops and Features on this site. Check out: When a partner, spouse or girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-4-cols), and there are SIX great Feature Articles that can help you in your despair and confusion over your Ex and what to do about that relationship. Can you let us know what questions you have after reading all of the links I've mentioned? Knowledge is power, and it can really illuminate our path... . |