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That the hurt, the anger, the bitterness, the want for revenge -it fades like walking away from a loud packed auditorium.     Life will go on for you and for those who truly want you in their life.    Everyone makes mistakes, even without a disorder we are far from perfect beings.    But it gets better I will tell you that.   Review your priorities in life , this was a big wakeup for me.    I'm now two years out and even now she crosses my mind sometimes and I d like to say a few things to her but its not worth my sanity time or effort     I gave something to somebody that couldn't give it back and really that's all I need to know for myself to move on and to work on accomplishing the things in life that I Really need to be spending my time on.   What is stopping you from accomplishing the things you want to do?

Nothing really Scotis, just takes a little time to push through. Only been about 2 months for me, but it is getting better.

I've only been NC for 18 days, but the pain of the on-again/off-again bargaining (on my part), and recycling on hers (she had already found a replacement) of a relationship that pretty much ended in the summer of 2013 has been BY FAR the most devastating thing I've experienced in my nearly 60 years. I was tortured emotionally as a child by losing my mom at a young age, but I don't even remember this much pain then. Perhaps this interaction with a pwBPD was my wake-up call to deal with the pain of the loss of my mom and my dad's absence due to alcoholism.

I'm trying to look at it that way. What I mean to say as I'm writing is that I've been in a depressed state since this whole thing started last summer. I mean REALLY depressed. Though I've been seeing a therapist for a year, and I really am starting to feel better, I've been beating myself up, because I'm not really sure how to proceed with my life. Haven't been exercising, I'm not eating optimally, and am overall just pretty lethargic.

Trying to do my best by getting out as much as possible to do things with friends, and spending time with my sister helps a lot. I'm trusting, and having faith, that I'll know when I'm ready, and the answers to my future will appear. And every day I'm feeling just the tiniest better.

Folks might warn about feeling even the slightest bit confident after only 18 days NC, but something snapped in me the moment I told her that I wanted no more communication. I'd had enough. I still feel really sad, but I'm trying to understand, and to know, the reason that this happened in my life.

Same here when I went NC.  I felt liberated. Then sad. Then mad.  Now I'm dealing with it.  It's amazing how much peace can be had with NC.  Weekends are tough though.  YES, I struggle with the why then I suppress it really hard because it will just fester like an open sore.

Whats stopping me from accomplishing the things I want to do?

Me - the co-dependent side of me that gave up who I was ( not that I had much of an idea about that before I got married - I sure came into the marriage with my own set of issues).  The hard part for me now is finding what I want to do and doing it. That's my challenge, and its a good challenge to have. But it is a hard one too, in its own way.