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All last week was extremely hard for me. I miss her like crazy, can't believe how abused and used I was, know she will never look back on the realatinsihp the way I do, realized it wasn't "true love" just infatuation. I know I will never find another woman as beautiful as she was, and she will only come back to me when she needs something (if she ever does). To her our relationship doesn't have the same meaning as it does to me, and she is probably off right now having the time of her life with some other guy, while I am sitting here alone trying to figure out how to get back on my feet. So why am I feeling optimistic and happy?

Because I am a survivor. And now I am free. Simple as that really.

She looks back at the relationship rarely (if ever) and probably won't learn anything from it. Though I think about it almost all the time and think about her all the time I am so thankful this happened to me. I can't believe I am saying that. I am saying that while I still have a hole in my chest and dream about her ever single night. If I never had this relationship I would have never identified how codependent I am, would not have known true love or a real relationship, and would still have no boundaries. I am excited to "date myself", learn about myself, get over my darn codepency, and set boundaries. For the first time since I met her I don't have to parent her, help her through her numerous problems, put up with the terrible anger and rage. The emotional toll that has taken on me will probably never go away. I have the emotional scars to prove what I have been through and know now to run at the very first    and not ignore them.  I am a free man! :)

I am going to make as many relationships(friends) as possible with as many people as possible and not worry about love. It will come eventually.

This is how I am feeling in this moment. Time heals wounds is kind of a false statement. Time numbs the wounds but it is up to you to make it a full recovery. Today is starting off as a good day, tomorrow may be a bad day, the day after that may be worse but I know if I don't put in 100% to this recovery I will be stuck.

Right now I have never been more lonely in my life. Now that I have my full attention it is time to "date myself", discover who I am, and be a "full" person (as opposed to half a person) for my next relationship when/if it comes.

P.S. Also realizing that I have PTSD after a relationship with a person, shows breaking it off is for the better. (though she broke up with me)

Antonio

I don't know but when I read your posts , I fell me writing them , I am in a deep understanding to your case and what's amazing is I know too I won't find someone else as beaufful as she was .

Sometimes the choice is ours anymore , I like the attitude of 100 % recovery , I had two break ups in my life and even they were not BPD It hurts the same and yes more in our case but we fell in love again but this time a BPD .

I am still wanting to recycle if you look my posts up you will see what is doing on now I am confused but I learned a lot about my self like you did , codependency is  a minor issue to me but I have some symptoms and I suggest to buy and read this nook I am buying today  codenpdency no more "  here is a link that might help you see in your own eyes what BPD are all about .

This is a beautiful post, Antonio. I feel like I'm getting to where you are. Thank you for sharing your honest and hopeful feelings. It's a beautiful way to start this day!

I could have written this!

Is it true the gift of the Borderline could be for us to make the most of life after them? They meet us and leave us for a reason, I'm yet to hear from a survivor who after pain and time has not become stronger and a better person.

We will always have a little bit of them in our hearts, but what they take from us during the relationship is given back to us during recovery, we become stronger because of them I am convinced.

Antonio, what a wonderful post.  It seems like you are doing some true reflection on yourself.  Keep it up!

Like the others, I feel like I could have written this post.  Well, maybe a version of me a few more weeks down the line.  It is so encouraging to hear that you are feeling optimistic and that you are using this as a way to improve your life and your sense of self. 

I keep rereading your post because I identify with it so much and it really, really resonates.  I am looking at you as a role model for my life moving forward.  Thank you, Antonio. 

Your welcome! didn't even think that would make an impact like this, glad you and some of the others are impacted by it :). I am by no means healed and probably a long way from it, but there is always a silver lining to every situation. I saw the silver lining weeks ago but I am now really starting to use it to my advantage. Today was not easy, in fact I almost felt worse today than I did yesterday. But I am embracing the pain and letting it mold me into a much stronger person. It is really hard work but in the process I am learning more about my limits and myself everyday.

Best of luck to all to all of you! This website is amazing I don't feel alone anymore its crazy how many people have been through what I have. Keep on working on yourself and stay strong. I am nowhere near healed yet but I am working on it and finally feeling better. Days are still long, hard, lonely, and painful but I am starting to see a little life in them again.

It's so great to read posts like this.  Dealing with this break up is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was a wreck for months but now I'm happier than I was before I met him. I feel really strong and in control of my life and I'm pretty sure if he ever turned up again I'd have no problems in telling him where to go!

I've got so much help from the people on these boards and it's brilliant to know that we have 'gained' something from the experiences xxx