BPDFamily.com

I was inspired by reading through an old thread:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=217920.0

How to find a symbolic way to signify that I am moving on.  My ex has a bunch of my stuff and has refused to give it back.  So I went out and replaced it all, even the stuff I don't really need right now (some tools) because it symbolised that I was going to stay NC and not grovel to get my stuff back.  It felt really good to do this.  After reading this thread I realise my ex probably keeps my stuff to keep a door open to me (maybe not just to control me or make me feel angry).

Today I packed up the remaining stuff I have of his and I'm sending it to his family in another province.  They can give it to him when he comes to visit.  I have no more ties to him.  I even gathered all the cards and love letters we've exchanged and shredded them.  Only thing left is to delete pics off the computer (which I have no intention of doing but may put them on a thumb drive and put it out of sight).

When we grieve someone who dies, we have a funeral.  We have support and are allowed to grieve for however long we need to.  This grieving is different.  We need to create our own symbolic rituals or ceremonies or what have you.  I am trying to think of something I could do with my s10 to help him grieve the r/s (his step dad).  He definitely hasn't processed it and he's having a hard time with it.

What types of symbolic (or not symbolic) things have you done to help you release the r/s?

While I dont think mine will ever try to comeback, she did leave some pots and pans she borrowed on my doorstep, along with my house key. I think that means she done, no open door. Im cool with that because i cant accept an abuser back into my life or my kids life. The main thing i did was i took a cup, and 3 shirts she bought me and threw them the fu*k out. Not like she wrote me any letters or cards or had many pictures of us, I think there may have been like 3 out of a 16 month relationship, thsts how much I meant to her. Thats what i did, and im good with it. I also wrote a letter to her i never sent that i re-read to get my head on straight.

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I threw away one of her shirts and a juvenile, shallow book she bought me that she believed depicted the fantasy lifestyle she's now living. This morning I gave my sister a small fetish (Navajo carving) that she bought for me during our first recycle. I loved that little guy, slept once with in my hand, and woke up with in my hand the next morning. Asked my sister to take it away, but not to lose it. My sister obliged, but almost hates my BPD, and wasn't happy to have it, that's for sure  . I can't bear the thought of its going away forever, which is why I asked her to keep it safe. Such is the sadness of these disordered relationships.

I eventually got rid of EVERYTHING related to her, and a couple of things I even threw out then re-bought myself, which sounds mad, but I don't want a single thing in my house she bought. The one thing that was  hard to let go was a picture she painted for me, but I realised she actually painted it for herself and it was a small part of her abuse of me, so I let it go in the end. I'm glad I did this, there is no evidence of her whatsoever in my life and that feels good.