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All his fb friends who do not know him in real life or me for that matter are slandering me. its made public. anyone else deal with this? how do i not let that get to me? is he doing that in hopes ill see? He knows im an empath and has said he has psychopathic tendencies more than once. i never slander him despite allbhe has put me through. also he thinks i broke up with him... .

i didnt. he walked out on me. why does he believe whole heartedly that i broke up with him?

theres even friends of his saying i should kill myself.

Victim mentality. Can't control it, don't try if anything you responding will make it worse. Let it be lol

Mine is posting stuff "even though relationships end and it feels like your world is ending happiness is coming" "Its so hard to not talk to the person you'd talk to everyday"  "I just need a loving caring dependable BF to ring in the new year with"

Meanwhile I got called a stalker and psycho and never to contact her lmao.

It's a smear campaign.

The reason why is because of his anxiety and stress. If he's calling you a psychopath it is distortion and he's projecting his actions and feelings. He can't feel bad for his actions and he needs to attach that to someone else. If his friends are siding with him it shows emotional immaturity, there are two sides to every story. Best way to deal with this is to not engage. Go radio silent. It is intense, actions speak louder than words and this belongs to him. This doesn't belong to you. This will fade away.

They feel hurt and attacked because they deal with emotions like a child would, hurt me (real or not) I'll hurt you back. Emotional pain is a self inflicted wound , if can only cause you grief if you allow it to. My BPD ex calls me every name in the book and the minute I no longer allowed it to bother me it didn't, she also stopped doing it and changed her tactics because she knew it wasn't getting to me anymore. I your a good Apple and you know it and believe it, all the people in the world calling you a banana wont make you one. : )

HBR, You might need to go ahead and block him and maybe some of his friends. Reading things like that aren't going to help the situation. Much of that is probably projection on his end... .

Im so sorry hurtbeyond! It is so immature and hurtfull, please dont let it get to you!

I've been through many smear campaigns myself. All his actions were projected on to me.

Last week he sent my sister an email telling her I was a lesbian and in need of some serious mental coaching before jumping on to the next guy. Meanwhile he told my sister he was screwing 5 20 something year olds and thats called moving on. Im to blame for everything... .He avoids ladies from my nationality since they are known to sleep around... .

God knows what he's posting on FB. In previous bbreak ups it wasnt pretty so I suspect it aint good whats on there!

He once send a terrible FB message to my best friend with lies about what I had said about her and suggested for us to buy strap-ons cause we were probably sleeping together. She has been my friend for over 15 years and he doesnt understand friendships.

Please dont let this immature juvenile behaviour get to you! its fifth grade nonsense and rise above it please! My dBPDexbf would do this to get a reaction out of me. Negative attention is attention too! As angry and hurt you probably are right now, stay NC! He's pushing your buttons! Dont engage in this stupidity!

Take care hurtbeyond! Stay away from his FB! Nothing but hurt for you there! Focus on you! Know that what ever he's saying, its BS! You know who you are and you're a damn good person!

I dont plan on engaging. at all. i know its not true but i am sure he is counting on my insecurity to kick. if i feel sad and hurt by itbthats clear and obvious im not psychopathic. hes partially gaslighting. a psychopath feels rage and would be wanting to get back. I dont. i feel like i dont know who he is right now. this isnt who he showed me. which tells me he was mirroring me. and what he mirrored was a caribg loving person. im staying strong. he walked out on me. all i told hin was no more recycles. he thinks i dont want anyone se dating him bc i was upset about the dating website. well thats not the case. its bc im upset that he is so in denial about how disorfered he is or just plumb doesnt care! either or... sick. granted it was non of my business and i shouldnt have said anything. i dont deserve this. he has transgressed so many boundaries. i thought i had forgiven him... .but after loving him so hard and chasibg him for a year over this treatment? especially when he knows how badly iv been treated in the past? he was never a friend. a friend wouldnt do this. i have never and will never talk about him on facebook. not to mention publicly i have no ibterest in smearibg his name... even tho -unlike him- the sh* i would he saying is true.

his morals just astound me. we all make mistakes... but he has done this too many times to look at it as a mistake at this point. he is sick.

i hope he can get help... but now i see just how far gone he is.

funny he once also messaged a friend of mine telling her stuff to make our friendship end. its difficult i think for us nons is bc they expose us to this beautiful side ofbthem.

then when they turn on you its like a completely different person and its traumatizing.

it makes me sick to my stomach. i cant grasp being that cruel. i just cant.

his mother also believes i got him addicted to drugs... .hmm wonder where that came from. before we officially broke up his mon hung up on me 3 times! this woman loved me so i was confused! then my BPD ex tells me it wasbhis uncle that told her that bs... .riiiiiight... .LOL

Water seeks it's own level  *)

My advice. Get off social media until this blows over. Hold your head high. The truth has a way of working it's way out.

I'm sorry

Hb. I had a smear campaign too. But I responded upset and then it confirmed for her and her enablers that I was the problem. I felt crazy too at that point and beat myself up about it.  It is a huge intricate trap and best not to respond in anger.   Sorry ur going through that

My ex posted things against me, too, making it out like she was the victim and would be "free" without me. Probably said more but I blocked her and haven't seen anything else. It hurt that she would do that, but I understood it was another sign she is disordered. Another fact that has kept me from reengaging with her. The people who saw it that we have in common know me well enough to see through it, and the rest don't really matter to me. I, myself, know the truth of it, and that's what's most important. Sticks and stones, right? Best choice is don't play the game. Life goes on. Let it go.

hi HBR. this is horrible, and i offer all my sympathy.

you've been given good advice above. i'm glad you've decided not to engage at all. please remember, he has an emotional disorder and anything you do/say will pass through a filter and come out unrecognizable. please, if you can, stay detached totally.


  my w's and her family's morals astound me too.

Thank you guys so much for the support! i really need it! bpdfamily has been a SAVING grace for me. that is no understatement. i have no interest in responding at all iv been through something like this before and when i respond he gets so nasty i cant even put it into words. i hate it that BPDs make it this way. why do they have to hate us so much and make it nasty? i will never understand it. they are bullies.

So i read on here dont play the game a lot. what game is he playing? what does he want from me exactly?

A strange game. The winning move is not to play.

I'm sorry too Hurtbeyondrepair27 

Well i know he is getting at something bc he made that post on nov 4th. i didnt see it then. this post he sent me on CL missed connections if you havent seen it:


No, I don't love you. not anymore. I stopped loving you long ago, before we broke up but I held on to see if we could fix this. we couldn't. YOU broke up with me then you get mad I'm trying to date? ___ you, I have a right to seek happiness, and the reason you found out I was trying to date is because you were on the same dating site. stop being a hypocrite. I hate you as a person, I think you're a ___ing ___. stop trying to give me ___. there is no love for you anymore, leave me alone -signed time deity.


was made on the 5th. didnt get a reaction so maybe trying again? he signed it as an inside joke between us. he knows i read missed connections everyday like the newspaper. i didnt respond tobthat either. should i expect more?

He is trying to get a reaction out of you. Most people would be upset by seeing and reading those things. The problem is that if you respond like a normal person and say anything, then he is going to bait you and try to get you to lose your cool and act like a crazy person. If you react and get upset or respond, then that is giving him the satisfaction of still being able to push your buttons. And, it is showing the world just how crazy you are and then he becomes justified in saying whatever he wants because everyone else has seen that you are just a crazy b**ch.

It is a messed up game that I have gotten sucked into before.

I know i sound like an idiot butbsince i cant relate at all... tell me why does he still want to push my buttons? i have no interest in harming him.  or making him look bad or pushing his buttons.

ia it bc he wants me to still care? ill always care about him. too bad he is too sick to realize that. but just bc i care about him does not mean ill put up with this. i am so done being sh* on ib relationships i am ready for healthy. i am so over this. i literally feel the new chapter coming on.

a little scared. but my gut tells me good things are coming. never felt this way before.

Im going to admit something. i found an alternative account on fb that i thought was him... but felt safe bc i didnt know for sure. i emailed it telling him how much i loved him and missed him this was probably 3 weeks nc. thank God it wasnt him bc he does not deserve that from me.

I doubt that he cares if you care. It is mostly about power and control. Some people get some kind of sick and twisted pleasure out of doing those things. I grew up with bat crap crazy and it was not uncommon for different people to do the smear campaign and see who they can get on their side and see what kind of havoc they could create. They feed off of drama. The more drama they can create, the better they feel. At least that is my take on things!

Not just that but he probably shut people out of his life for you and are now drawing them back in...

my current ex bad mouthed the girls she ran back to (and never saw during our time except during fights) about them not being allowed in our wedding their drug addicts and users... .

Who do you think she blew up on when I criticized them, and who do you think she spends all her time with now and says how amazing besties they are lol them


Bottom line he's probably trying to establish a support system that you aren't in... .

My girls friends post stuff "oh sweet heart you'll find better" HA! Ain't nobody else up there going to buy her a nicer car than the ceo at her job had  

Bottom line its string pulling for the people watching and as a way to be a victim .

Oh yes that sounds pretty spot on thinking about it.

he is def trying to be a victim!

and i def see him rounding them up! stupid. im sorry but hes stupid. aaaallll this for no good reason. and over a person who actually cares about him. wow.

all tho i am not sure if i care about him anymore. how can i? im done heing a doormat done caring more than he does. an residual care i had may very well be gone. last straws essentially.

ill have to see once im sone being angry about it. im liking the anger vs the sadness and despair. its easier to let him go. i get why he dwells on it

My T told me that someone else's opinion of me is "none of my business".  At first I bristled at the suggestion of this. ... but in time as I healed, set healthy boundaries and started to love myself... that started to make sense to me. I just needed to focus on doing the next right thing, and living the best life that I could. People are going to think whatever they are going to think, they are going to say whatever they are going to say... .I have no CONTROL over that... .and if I am going to spend my time going to their media and want to change what they are doing that I am wasting my day, being unhealthy and NOT loving me. I needed to keep the focus on me and move forward... .there is nothing there for me but pain and drama. I don't worry about what others say... I just try to be the best person I can be and show them with my actions who I am... .the rest is out of my hands. For me it's in God's hands... .I sleep a lot better at night now.

You're not an idiot Hurtbeyondrepair27. It takes time for the heart to catch up with your head. There was an old term in the 80's and 90's called "tough love" I care for my ex partner because I wish her well. I knowingly remove myself from her network of enablers. You're ex on fb and people that believe your a psychopath. It is emotional immaturity, gullibility in that they may believe this stuff. "My ex is a psychopath?" makes you wonder who believes that. That said " tough love", I remove myself because I care in the hopes that she runs out of enablers one day and gets help. I'm one less. A lot of her dysfunctions continue because friends / family are scared of her, they enable it, look the other way, and she splits black those that stop enabling.

It is not to say, I love this woman, it is to say I have compassion as she is a person with a disorder that drives much of the behavior. She is also the mother of my children.  I let go. Let god. As you say, you feel you're at the threshold for change. It may be scary, often the difficult things in life are worth it.

 :angel thanks guys. youre right! it isnt my business. i guess it bothers me bc it is public! You know? Talk all the sh* you want. but dont go libel on me! lol whatever though. im moving on from him the RIGHT way for me. I was ready to love when i ket him and gave it my all. he is faaar from that.

im better off. he doesnt even understand love... and i feel so sorry for him when it comes to that. bc i have given love and i have felt it. and its a beautiful light.

My friend looked he is still blocked from social media. i was worried he may have posted nudes bc there is no limit to what he ll do.

so how do i do that? how do i forget about him stop worryibg about his bs... .?

i want him out of my head... .ready to move completely away from his dysfunction.and quite frankly mine. i want to heal i want normal relationships. i dont want to stay in the cycle a borderline does. denying their issues and repeatibg the same mistakes all their life. I am ready to heal now. im ready to change.

im terrified ill always attract people like this. i am dating an extremely nice guy who comes from a great background. and he doesbt have any red flags yet.

We are taking it very slow which is new for me. I cant have this baggage. im ready to love. and in ready to shed my old skin.

Looks like your doing something right and not attracting a PD correct?  I think dating is about having fun I think.

I also think most people carry emotional baggage. Be who you are.

thank you mutt! that hits home. no he is not PD im pretty sure of it! first time ever and im pretty terrified! hes a genuinly good guy with healthy relationships and hes mature! i told myself to just be me. to notbpretejd to be something else... just be me weird wacky deep sometimes serious! and hes really liking me.

im shocked. I feel like this board has played a huge role in that.

i just want to thank everyone who ever takes time out of their day to respond. this stuff is difficult to explain to friends aka people who havent experinced it!

That's important  |iiii Enjoy yourself.

P.S. I'm thankful too. This place changes you  :)

Is what you have now far better than any 'love' experienced with the BPD?

I'm worried I can't love anymore.

im not in love with the guy im seeing now we are having fun even dating other people... but its clear and obvious we have a preference for eachother. he cancelled another date last night just so he could hang out with me. :))

but i know what love is. i truly loved my ex. i am fullybcapable of loving in a VERY big way. and its genuine. iv.also felt love from my daughter... my best friends. when ypu truly love someone you want whats best for them. youre more selfless in some ways. when it os requited its amazing. i feel like what BPDs supply is that honeymoon phase love. the love with a partner should transcend from that. It should feelbthe same as loving a family member or best friend. love with a BPD is unrequited and ingenuine on their part.

trust me you WILL love again. it is your BPDx who is incapable. they expereince a very shalloe form of it. how sad for them. its like vs light. they dwell mostly in the dark

I started dating someone too, about 6 months after the split, and this girl started getting really serious with me making sure I wasn't dating anyone else aswell, then because she was too strong too soon, I started to pull away, then she started using tactics to try and make me jealous, so I called it off completely because I have ZERO tolerance for this sort of behaviour now, and then after perusing me for another month, she starts seeing one of my oldest friends!

Why do I always attract girls like this? I hope I can love again, I just haven't met anyone worth loving.

  i get what youre really saying i think is can you trust again? do normal ppl exist bc it doesnt feel like it after these relationships... .but i believe their are decent people out there. we just have to believe we deserve that and i think thats when they start coming.

I can trust again, I just always end up with these crazy girls who are very insecure, very pushy for commitment, very neurotic, its just my BPDex was the Lord of them all. Is it something about me that makes them this way? I don't know.

i feel your pain! i dont even like telling peopke this bc its a reflection on me... .yes there are issues within us that need to be resolved or we ll keep attracting them!

my first everythibg ever is a sociopath... had no clue about that stuff i was 18. we had a child... i STILL have to de with him. not as bad as it used to be but he has put me through hell!

#2 was a female borderline chick to the max butbtotally in denial and unaware... ilshe gaslit me so much i went to therapy thinking that it was ME whobwas borderline... i learned differently.

3rd and last ex hes male borderline yet self aware... knows he has it... but still stuck in it. there was no excuse this time as i knew he was mentally ill.

this time my head is in a totally different place. i know im co dependent and iv been thinking my past and bc im not successful financially that i didnt deserve a good relationship. but that is just simply not true i have plenty good traits... and i have the ability to improve.

iv always won people with my looks. My parents raised me to only have self worth on that. i dont feelbtuat way anymore my new partners dont have to put me on a pedestal about my looks (both BPDs idealized my looks and fed into my disorder)

its ok if the next person doesnt do that. i just want them to be good to me and like me as a person and vice versa.

I think we are very similar in that regard, although sometimes I don't feel it, I've been told throughout my whole life that I'm very good looking, but I have also been quite shy, maybe its this mix that attracts these kind of girls. I rarely do the approaching, which I know is bad as a man should do it, all the girls I've been with have approached me. My BPD was obsessed with my face, I'm pretty sure it was literally the only reason she wanted to be with me, its all she talked about, I don't think she ever knew who I was, I was just a pretty face in her eyes and that was it, a complete object, I may aswell have been a stuffed animal. I'm thinking that if I want to meet a girl who has her stuff together, I'll need to initiate it.

That is precisely why my last two exes got with me (the socio didnt care about my looks or really anyones... for that matter)

the female ex thought i was the most gorgeous thing... i was nothing but an object.

the second one (male) tore down my looks and built them back up simultaneously.

he always wanted to have sex. im not kidding... 17 times once in one day. he was all over me all the time. i believed he loved my personality even tho he has devalued it now. but def with my first BPD... she didnt care much for me past my looks. allbthough she would never admit that.

i never truly felt atteactive but i have a weird history with that... im half black and half white and it was a secret i was black. so i got very mixed messages which made me have deep complexes about my looks.

BPDs realize this and feed into it. they are attracted ti me physically,no doubt, but they exploit the whole thing to hook me.

recently iv just started accepting my beauty flaws and all. its hard but its gotta be done if i want a successful relationship. i need to get self worth from myself. if anyone else loves it that should just be icing on the cake.

i dont want to be full of myself i just want to not have two extremes about my looks.

i believe this is one of the MAJOR things that attracts me to these types

Maybe a healthy person would think, well they are good looking but they'll obviously need more than just looks to have a great relationship, whereas dysfunctional people just see looks and become infatuated with them, with little care for anything else, and that's why people like you and I end up with these nutters, because we have issues that have stopped us from seeking out healthy people ourselves.

What do you mean by they exploit the whole thing to hook you?

exactly! my ex was infatuated with a girl in highschool beautiful girl out of his league... .he made sure to fail senior year just to graduate with her! then stayed infatuated even after high school! barely even knew eachother... ! he claimed they were friends but his mother told me that simply wasnt the case. he still stalks her profile and gets off to her pics. pathetic shallow and creepy.

they exploit it bc they can sense its a thing for me... then they hear my story and realize its a gold mine to keep me hooked. my first BPD ex wasnt half as good as my last one. my first one just put my looks on a pedestal and that was that. even when we were fighting.

my second one made me feel inferior about my looks (because im not typical i have really curly long hair and olive skin) then be all over me telling me how beautiful i was at the same time. it was genius quite frankly kept me insecure enough to try and win his affection and feeling too insecure to leave... while also making me feel very sexy and beautiful at times. he would eye me everywhere i went... yet at the same time tell me his preference was white women who are superior on looks. twisted.

i was twisted too all these years replaying childhood stuff over and over