BPDFamily.com

I've made several attempts to have a debriefing (closure, maybe?) with my ex.  He doesn't ignore me when I reach out, but tells me in a roundabout way that he is not doing well, is too sad to talk to me, doesn't want to have a friend-like ending to the r/s.

I'm not sure why it's so hard to accept this.  Every couple of weeks or so, I text or email him to see if he's softened and his responses are always confusing.  <--why do I do this to myself?

We live in the same neighborhood and I see him driving several times a week.  I dream about him frequently.  Sometimes I convince myself that the Universe is trying to tell me something.  Maybe he needs me, maybe if I talk to him, I can help him feel better (and me too).

What do you do when you see them?  I feel like it would be so much easier if I didn't ever lay eyes on him again, but that is not a possibility.

Is there any sort of strategy, when you are certain to see the person regularly?  It's made me afraid to leave my house at times (not an option, obviously, but the impulse is there) because I don't want to feel what I feel when I see him.  It's like goodbye, over and over and over and over... .

I think the best things I've learned post breakup with my ex is to maintain being supportive friend, keep it positive, don't bring up the past and always end the conversation on a happy note. I totally understand the feeling over goodbye over and over again; we have a daughter together and see each other often. Just realize that closure is difficult for someone with BPD because the fear of (real or imaged) abandonment is a large part of the disorder. Your strategy should be to focus all the passion and relentless determination you have on your goals, hopes and dreams for the future. Don't allow yourself to have idle time to sit around and think of the past or your ex. Staying busy and motivated is the best thing you can do right now for yourself.