BPDFamily.com

Argh, I was doing SO WELL. I've been six months out of my relationship with exBPDbf, and I really thought I'd left it all behind over the last six weeks. I'd stopped focussing on the disorder, stopped missing him, felt more wised-up to the reality.

Anyway, this last week I've been back to missing him again. He used to use social media to get veiled push-pull messages to me, but he's been completely inactive everywhere, it's as if he doesn't exist or something awful has happened. In any case I'm just missing him so much. I know it was an unstable relationship and there's no security in the constant IDD/recycle thing, but at the moment all I can think about were how well we got on and how good it could be.

It doesn't feel like six months ago, it feels like only yesterday. I miss him, his family, the things we used to do together. I know it's normal to look back and remember only the good times, but ugh.

Still, progress is progress, I guess... .

Stay the course. Im much the same only 2 months out. I miss her and her 5 kids, but then I remember the chaos and abuse. Im trying to maintain strength because she coaches my sons Volleyball team and that season kicks off in about 4 months and i will be forced to see her. Hang in there

Keep on keepin on.  You will get through this.  It gets better.  I hardly come onto this board any more because I saw how it was keeping me stuck in thinking about all of this stuff and my ex.

Don't overlook the power found in being needed.  Being needed by a needy person can be very engulfing, and we can easily mistake it for love.  Not saying you don't love him.  I'm just saying that we can confuse the two very easily.

Yep, I did stay off the boards for a bit as it was working a bit like negative suggestion - I was focussing too much on him and his disorder rather than living my own life, and I'm sure that helped me detach.

I spent the time single, but have been dating someone over the past weeks. Maybe I'm not quite ready yet or this particular person isn't right for me, and that's encouraged me to dwell to much on the past.

OutOfEgypt/Suspicious1,

I found I went through about a month and a half where I didnt post on the boards and it was healthy for me.  By that I started to be dependant on participating in "flame" threads where I would basically bash my sons mother, trash talk and then some Jerry springer style.  I still came here and would lurk around reading, every second day or so. 

Now I try not to participate in those threads as much as possible, I try to sit back from them a bit.  I will try to be objective and slow others down when they are going through the same thing I was going through. 

Something that I think is we all have our own pace that we go at.  Nothign wrong with missing those good times.  I still do it, its healthy to remember the good times and think of positives.  I will tlak about those times with our son when he is older and not talk about the fights, the yelling the lies.  I will be happy with that and healthier for it. 

Should really make a thread about the best day you spent with your exBPD and no flames or negative posts allowed so people remember the good as well. 


AJJ. 

I think you could be onto something. In bashing our exes, are we somehow bashing ourselves? Maybe there's some self-esteem in accepting "yeah, there were times it was great. That's why I got into it and why I stayed" rather than being angry for having put up with the bad stuff for so long.

I don't actually know the answer,

I know I am happier when being positive about it all.  Yes she has destroyed me emotionally, but hey, here I am learnign so much about myself.  What a rewarding experience to learn so much about myself and change those unhealthy behaviours I have. 

Then I'm being positive about it.  Ruminating in this way makes me happy for those times we had as opposed to sad for those times we will miss out on. 


AJJ.