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Title: I was doing so good than I saw her... Post by: antonio1213 on November 10, 2014, 10:41:31 AM Why does she have to be so dang attractive? Why did I freak out when I saw her?
Almost 1.5 months of NC and 1.5 months post b/u. I saw her today from afar than I had to be in the same library as she was in while I did something. I don't think she even noticed me. Why does she have to be so attractive? why was my heart racing and why was I freaking out? I dreamt about her last night, wrote my emotions during one of my classes today (felt a little better) than immediately afterward I almost walk into her. And it isn't even noon yet Jeez. I am shaking right now. I can't believe she has this affect on me. NC, loneliness, and all the other affects are starting to take affect on me as I am going further along with NC. That is painful enough. She has some kind of affect on me. And the worse part is I know she doesn't give a sh** about me, or else she would try to contact me. One week it was "I can't live without you, I need you, We are going to be together forever right?" and the next she just leaves and does her own thing, and tells me how lonely she is and how much pain she is in... . I have bad days and good days. Today is just turning into a TERRIBLE day. I spent most of my class writing down my angry thoughts because that is the only thing that makes me feel somewhat better. Than not even 10 minutes later BAM I see her, she doesn't seem to have a problem in the world. I wish I wasn't so attracted to her. I know guys are all over her, just like they were when we dated, armies of them running to her. I wish she didn't have this effect on me, her seeing me didn't do a single thing to her probably. Feeling almost back to day 1 b/u. Her past behavior is very BPD but I still miss her. |