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I don't ruminate over anything she said or did anymore. Those days are over.

But there is something that has boggled my mind ever since it happened. From time to time I think about it and wonder What the heck that was. And I can't come up with ANY explanation.

So feel free to come up with theories!  lol

Let me first set the scene. She had broken up with me via letter that she left on the bed before leaving for the week (business, but who knows.)

I don't have to go into details about what a blow this was, although things weren't great (ST, constant berating etc.) but I had never expected this to happen.

When she got back I still had hopes, we had only married two months prior, right?

It wasn't all bad. From time to time we actually had pretty good conversations about us and her. They seemed to be genuinely open. Although she sometimes cut them short and went to the bathroom, where she spent most of her time back then. While I was sitting in the living room suffering, with so many things I had to say. But I wanted to respect her need for space (she wasn't doing well, a close friend had just died in an accident on top of all that.)

Anyways. There was a situation, we had just talked and she went to the bathroom. I walked behind her, through the bedroom. Just when she was about to step into the bathroom, I said "hey... ." and wanted to just close the conversation we had before by saying something nice, like "if you need anything I'm in the living room" or whatever.

She turned around and before I could get the words out of my mouth... .

She grabbed my by the throat. I was stunned. It was a firm grip, but not in the sense of assaulting me. She just grabbed me and looked me deep in the eyes. She had this smile on her face, it was weird... .really, really expressive. Don't know how to describe it though. Dominant, but not necessarily in a threatening way. Kind of flirty. It somehow, especially in retrospect ,felt sexual on some level.

It was just for a bit over a second or two. She then let go, turned around and went into the bathroom, leaving me back absolutely puzzled.

She had NEVER done anything like this ever before. It was so out of context... .it's puzzling me to this day.


Like I said... .Not ruminating, it doesn't really matter. But it was so elfin weird that I'm really curious.

please see why BPDs have that intense dilated stare

I read it, and it actually made me think of this situation.

The only thing that really puzzles me is that she only showed this once. And it was so "out of character" and the situation was so weird. Must be the most confusing thing I've ever seen her do.

And we all know how confusing they can be.

I just wonder... .what went through her head this moment. There must have been something in her mind.

it's just completely weird. As if she had shown someone that I hadn't seen before.

Had you ever followed her to the bathroom before?

It could be yhat your conversations released feelings and she would go to the bathroom to level out.

A lot of posts here show how after arguments some pwBPD use sex to calm tgem down. Could she have been doing this and you possibly caught her before she had chance to relieve herself so to speak?

We can only guess at her reason for doing this but the fact it was after talking about her feeling makes me believe that her emotional state was not at a level of control that she wanted to have. As you say she would go to the bathroom iy does make me think why there? You can get privacy in any room. The bathroom is a private place where you do things tgat you dont want others to see.

Just my thoughts and probably not right.

Where can I read this information? Sounds fascinating and my ex did the same thing.

My BPDxgf has a horrible habit of never looking at you when she talks.  Her friends have mentioned it to her before as well and have at least recommended she do it during job interviews, but never does. Anyway, when I did ask her to look at me during our intense conversations and on the rare occasion she did all I saw was a dead stare.   She has really pretty blue eyes, but beyond that it was like nothing was going on behind the eyes. It's very difficult to explain but it always freaked me out and I don't recall ever getting that feeling from anyone else when I looked at them in the eyes.

All I can say is wow that's something else. I think I've read that BPD can have schizophrenic tendencies or perhaps some intense form of PTSD that elicited a response within a flashback similar to daytime night terrors. Did she have Amy history or explanation for this? Also I don't know of the significance to you but I'm a believer in the spirit world and u may want to entertain the possibility of possession the grabbing by the throat with the wide eyes stare. If your a person of faith may suggest a cleansing of ur house