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Title: Why no jealousy here? Post by: maxsterling on November 12, 2014, 10:40:19 AM Here is a situation I haven't figured out yet:
We have a new roommate. It's one of my fiancé's female friends from a few years ago who is looking to re-locate and is using our house as a base. I have no problems with this. The friend is respectful, quiet, takes care of her own business, pleasant, and gives us money for rent. My fiancé seems to be jealous that the friend is happy and self-sufficient where she is not. I predicted this. Friend has no issues taking care of her own needs, while my fiancé struggles. There is resentment there, and she has said as much to me. I've seen my fiancé start to get more depressed as she sees her friend doing well. It got to the point where the other day my fiancé was somehow wanting to me to validate the friend is taking advantage of us and that we should ask her to move out soon. But, she seems to have talked with the friend, and worked though most of that. A big positive. But something else that I expected to happen hasn't happened yet, and I don't know why. The friend is about 10 years younger than us. And she is thinner than my fiancé (somehow with my fiancé it seems she often equates weight with beauty). And this friend is also pleasant, helps around the house, interacts with me, and the other night when my fiancé was feeling lousy, I went to an art walk with just her friend (fiancé's idea). So why haven't I gotten the typical BPD, "she's prettier than me/she's happier than me/you should leave me for her/you want to be with her" load of jealousy yet? Is my fiancé holding those emotions in? Perhaps she doesn't view this friend as a threat for some reason? It's really puzzling me, because this was my number one fear with having another female living in our house - and it hasn't happened yet. Title: Re: Why no jealousy here? Post by: shatra on November 12, 2014, 01:36:48 PM Hi
You wrote I gotten the typical BPD, "she's prettier than me/she's happier than me/you should leave me for her/you want to be with her" load of jealousy yet? ---I understand the first 2 phrases would indicate jealousy, but how would her saying "you should leave me for her" indicate jealousy? ----Typically, a pwBPD would feel jealous (even if the person was not prettier, etc.). Could it be that those feelings are too painful for her, so she is blocking them out? SHatra |