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Title: Free, Healing, Alive again. Post by: ReluctantSurvivor on November 12, 2014, 11:15:59 PM Hello BPD family.
About 3 months ago my two year relationship with my dBPDxgf came to catastrophic failure. She nutted up and left. I was emotionally eviscerated by losing someone I had poured everything I had into. At the time I did not understand BPD. I did not realize that no amount of compassion could heal the black hole wound she has where a heart and soul should be. At first I grieved, hard. I spent every free moment scouring the internet for relationship fix it advice. I studied BPD religiously. I was on a quest for the holy grail that would bring back my addictive love. All this did little to help me greive and I hit a new low emotionally. I ran out of gas, was ready to check out. That day I shuffled out to my car at lunch and looked up mental health services. I found a therapist. I went, I talked and slowly sanity began to reenter my life. I started to detach and heal. I started a new semester of night classes. I joined a gym and started going 7 days a week. I went to see my Dad once a week. I built a new life far from BPD land. Today was the first day where I felt totally liberated from my soul crushing BPD experience. I still keep in light contact with the dBPDxgf but I am divorced from it. Today I am whole again. Mostly it was the hardcore gym time that lifted me up. Either way I wanted to share with all you fine folks and wish you each equal success in your journey. Title: Re: Free, Healing, Alive again. Post by: terranova79 on November 12, 2014, 11:29:14 PM Hello BPD family. About 3 months ago my two year relationship with my dBPDxgf came to catastrophic failure. She nutted up and left. I was emotionally eviscerated by losing someone I had poured everything I had into. At the time I did not understand BPD. I did not realize that no amount of compassion could heal the black hole wound she has where a heart and soul should be. At first I grieved, hard. I spent every free moment scouring the internet for relationship fix it advice. I studied BPD religiously. I was on a quest for the holy grail that would bring back my addictive love. All this did little to help me greive and I hit a new low emotionally. I ran out of gas, was ready to check out. That day I shuffled out to my car at lunch and looked up mental health services. I found a therapist. I went, I talked and slowly sanity began to reenter my life. I started to detach and heal. I started a new semester of night classes. I joined a gym and started going 7 days a week. I went to see my Dad once a week. I built a new life far from BPD land. Today was the first day where I felt totally liberated from my soul crushing BPD experience. I still keep in light contact with the dBPDxgf but I am divorced from it. Today I am whole again. Mostly it was the hardcore gym time that lifted me up. Either way I wanted to share with all you fine folks and wish you each equal success in your journey. That's great to hear! I am glad you are out of a damaging relationship and well on your way to recovery. As hard as it was--and don't take this the wrong way--you are lucky she left you. My uBPDw threatened to leave me 4 years ago and I just barely managed to get her to stay in the relationship basically by taking the blame for everything. I wish I had known about BPD then because I would've made a different decision. Now I'm in a situation much harder to get out of, but reading posts like yours is inspirational! Title: Re: Free, Healing, Alive again. Post by: BrokenFamily on November 12, 2014, 11:31:42 PM I'm in the same boat, I'm completely detached emotionally from the actions of my BPDex & mother of my child. I gave her the best 4 years of her life and in return she gave me nothing but drama. It hurt at first, I cried a lot feeling loss and actual pain but when I sat down and thought about it I realized it's not worth getting stressed over; depression will only hurt me while she's seemingly happy having the time of her life. Our daughter needs me to stay sane , be a good provider and keep my head on straight. It didn't take a therapist to get me where I am , bpdfamily, the love I have for my daughter and self preservation did. The only thing that bugs me at times is someone I love or loved has such a train wreck of a life now but there is nothing I can do to fix it unless she decides to seek therapy.
Title: Re: Free, Healing, Alive again. Post by: ReluctantSurvivor on November 17, 2014, 07:32:12 PM Well I think it's only fair to share after tooting my horn. I just had a rough two days emotionally. Yesterday I saw my dBPDxgf briefly. After that occured I was speaking with a friend and she ask me, "What would you do if she wanted you back?" I thought I had a lid on things but that questions stirred up a torrent of emotions. I spent yesterday and today working through mixed feelings. Thankfully that same friend gave me a pep talk this afternoon. I also went and gave myself some therapy time at the gym.
I think it is important to remember how benificial having a support network is when working through these things. Friends, therapists, this forum and self care can help us all heal and grow. Thank you all, I hope each of you is doing well today! Title: Re: Free, Healing, Alive again. Post by: StayOrLeave15 on November 17, 2014, 10:39:26 PM Hello BPD family. About 3 months ago my two year relationship with my dBPDxgf came to catastrophic failure. She nutted up and left. I was emotionally eviscerated by losing someone I had poured everything I had into. At the time I did not understand BPD. I did not realize that no amount of compassion could heal the black hole wound she has where a heart and soul should be. At first I grieved, hard. I spent every free moment scouring the internet for relationship fix it advice. I studied BPD religiously. I was on a quest for the holy grail that would bring back my addictive love. All this did little to help me greive and I hit a new low emotionally. I ran out of gas, was ready to check out. That day I shuffled out to my car at lunch and looked up mental health services. I found a therapist. I went, I talked and slowly sanity began to reenter my life. I started to detach and heal. I started a new semester of night classes. I joined a gym and started going 7 days a week. I went to see my Dad once a week. I built a new life far from BPD land. Today was the first day where I felt totally liberated from my soul crushing BPD experience. I still keep in light contact with the dBPDxgf but I am divorced from it. Today I am whole again. Mostly it was the hardcore gym time that lifted me up. Either way I wanted to share with all you fine folks and wish you each equal success in your journey. I am so happy for you. Not only am I happy for the peace you have found but also the inspiration it gives other members here. I am 1 month out from an 8-month relationship, and have achieved similar peace (and am a gym addict, quit drinking, engaged at work, all big positives!) and that is an exact proportion to yours (I'm a numbers geek). 1 month of recovery for every 8 in the relationship? Not bad. But every case is different. I wish hope and strength to all the members of our family and community here. |iiii And keep it up in the gym, ReluctantSurvivor! "What do you bench, brah?" (Kidding... ) Exercise + therapy + family & friends + healthy eating = Success and Recovery! |