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how can i be like this? how can i humiliate myself and be such a lame excuse of a man? i mean she cheated on me!

but all i can think about is her, our moments... it all seemed so true... i feel like if i have her, i dont need anyone else in my life...

are these thoughts normal? i never felt like this before, i always went out and dated many beautiful women, and even though i loved them, when i had to break up I did and stayed strong... i also despised men who couldnt stay strong and stayed with cheating women...

how can i have changed so drastically? i used to be so self confident and id never tolerate any of these things! id usually even break up for things less worst than cheating... what is wrong with me? what has this girl done to me and how did she manage to do this?

is all of this im thinking normal? does it happen to other people as well? or am I just a lame excuse of a man and always was, and just didnt let myself me humiliated by relationships because i was never into them enough... .?

 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Yep, it is. But as you but on the distance, the desire will lessen. Its rough, your "detoxing" right now. It will get better, but its slow going.

Hi Jflc,

I'm sorry you are hurting and are confused right now.  The feelings you've described mirror the feelings of many members at bpdfamily.  It's hard to fathom, but the feelings you have right now are completely normal because by all accounts you were involved with a person with a personality disorder; most likely BPD.  

Everything you've described I have gone through and am still going through so use these posts to learn as much about the condition as you can so you can start the healing process.  

im so obsessed i still masturbate thinking of our sexual interactions... i should stop that to speed my healing shouldnt i? or does it not make a difference as long as i dont interact with her?

Well, if it's your goal to heal and have NC with her then yea I'd be thinking of something else.  I got rid of all pictures, refuse to look at her FB, no phone contact, no texting, no emails, etc...   If you want to detach from the relationship do it 100%

I know how you feel. I tolerated being cheated on, constant physical and mental abuse and so much more because i kept fooling myself into thinking that everything would work itself out. After all we have a child together, who doesn't try to work things out when there are children involved? I, like you, felt ashamed of myself and like less of a man for being with her after all this. It was really difficult to look myself in the mirror, especially when she would sucker me back in with sex after one of our many mini breakups.

Anyhow, once she started cheating with people i knew that became so humiliating that it had to end for good. Funny thing is it was much easier to forgive the cheating when it was with people i didn't know. She probably noticed that and figured she could get a bigger rush or thril from screwing people that were my friends.

There will come a time during the healing process that you realize that there is nothing you can do to make a relationship with your exBPD work. It is a painful realization, but once you get there you will not take her/him back because it is pointless and will only lead to more pain. Whe you reach this point you will probably still be in love. Life is unfair, but we must move forward.

Sorry for your pain, I truly am.  Yes, it's normal.

Speaking of that, I know many (myself included) always thought, when you made the right choice, (like ending a abusive relationship) that it should feel better .   Sometimes, even the right choices are very very hard, though good for you, and this goes against our reasoning, but it's very true. 

Hold on, there will be some very tough days ahead, but it will get better !

Keep busy with activities and with friends if possible.