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Title: idealization? Post by: Chasing_Ghosts on November 13, 2014, 06:39:46 PM she texts me about shows and bands we enjoyed or i introduced her to asking questions. some of them ones she admitted she "hated" when devaluing me. is this idealization? does this show she misses me?
Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Deeno02 on November 13, 2014, 06:57:48 PM she texts me about shows and bands we enjoyed or i introduced her to asking questions. some of them ones she admitted she "hated" when devaluing me. is this idealization? does this show she misses me? looks like either triangulation, or your being painted white again. Either one is suspect as to her intentions. Title: Re: idealization? Post by: BrokenFamily on November 13, 2014, 07:02:50 PM I would say triangulation, they like to keep their hooks in you as a backup plan. I've fallen for it a few times now only to be totally let down and all the pain and hurt comes back each time. Eventually you'll learn (as we all do) to be immune to it out of self preservation. I'd love for my ex to come back be a great mommy to our daughter and have a perfect family again but the reality of it is even if she did come back it would be the same madness over and over again.
Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Raybo48 on November 13, 2014, 07:23:32 PM Yea the boat sailed a long time ago on idealization. Triangulation for sure. I wish I knew what that even meant when mine did that to me several times a couple years ago.
Title: Re: idealization? Post by: fromheeltoheal on November 13, 2014, 08:24:27 PM Remember, triangulation involves another person in a relationship of two, to create a triangle, which changes the dynamic. A borderline maintaining multiple attachments is not necessarily triangulation if the attachments don't communicate with each other.
Think attachments. The core of the disorder is fear of abandonment and the development of attachments with people to feel whole and to soothe emotions. I don't know your whole story and have only read this post Chasing, but I read those texts as her testing you to see if an attachment is still in place, and if you respond, even if you're pissed off, it confirms that one is, and you may be available to soothe emotions and let her feel attached. Best to decide what you really want and act accordingly, which means if you don't want to be with her, ignore the contact attempt and she will eventually accept the attachment has severed and move on to greener pastures. Take care of you! Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Raybo48 on November 13, 2014, 08:38:46 PM Remember, triangulation involves another person in a relationship of two, to create a triangle, which changes the dynamic. A borderline maintaining multiple attachments is not necessarily triangulation if the attachments don't communicate with each other. Think attachments. The core of the disorder is fear of abandonment and the development of attachments with people to feel whole and to soothe emotions. I don't know your whole story and have only read this post Chasing, but I read those texts as her testing you to see if an attachment is still in place, and if you respond, even if you're pissed off, it confirms that one is, and you may be available to soothe emotions and let her feel attached. Best to decide what you really want and act accordingly, which means if you don't want to be with her, ignore the contact attempt and she will eventually accept the attachment has severed and move on to greener pastures. Take care of you! This is excellent. Thank you for explaining the differences. It would seem that my BPDxgf didn't do it as often as suspected, but there was a couple other people that I communicated with because of her. When I think about it it's like she sat back and was watching a play unfold in front of her enjoying every moment of it. It must have been the rush of multiple attachments, only thing I can think of. Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Deeno02 on November 13, 2014, 08:42:32 PM I thank god she hasnt reached out to me. I need the peace...
Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Raybo48 on November 13, 2014, 08:47:05 PM I thank god she hasnt reached out to me. I need the peace... Well, god forbid if she does I hope you're not like me. When that phone rang and I looked at the number calling my anxiety level shot though the roof. Totally sucked. Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Deeno02 on November 13, 2014, 08:51:12 PM I thank god she hasnt reached out to me. I need the peace... Well, god forbid if she does I hope you're not like me. When that phone rang and I looked at the number calling my anxiety level shot though the roof. Totally sucked. i dont even remember it. Im trying to rebuild so I can be strong for volleyball season. She coaches my son... .yay me Title: Re: idealization? Post by: fromheeltoheal on November 13, 2014, 09:03:16 PM Well, god forbid if she does I hope you're not like me. When that phone rang and I looked at the number calling my anxiety level shot though the roof. Totally sucked. That's good feedback on where you are with your detachment. Just imagine the day that you see her on your caller ID and it doesn't faze you, and do the work to get there. Title: Re: idealization? Post by: Raybo48 on November 13, 2014, 09:08:22 PM Well, god forbid if she does I hope you're not like me. When that phone rang and I looked at the number calling my anxiety level shot though the roof. Totally sucked. That's good feedback on where you are with your detachment. Just imagine the day that you see her on your caller ID and it doesn't faze you, and do the work to get there. That's definitely got goal. |