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I accept he is mentally ill and wrapped up in it despite pretending to be self aware. i accept i projected myself onto him believing he was an empathetic compassionate person despite his warning that he was not a good person. i accept he has projected himself onto me all his darkness and hatred. i accept that there are issues within me that attract these types to me and my eagerness and willingness to accept their treatment in order to preserve their "love" for me is unhealthy.

But no more.

on the dating site im on it shows everyones new pics and some of their updates.  didnt click on his page. but he was bashing me on it. saying i shattered HIS heart.

Not even surprised by his illogical and baffling behaviors anymore.  i hid him so this does not happen again. and even tho i want to be pissed off he is bashing me... even tho he put me through hell and i discovered child porn...

i refuse to let it affect me. i am moving on from this. i have a chance at health single orbwith someobe else. something that he is highly unlikely to ever experience. i dont want that for him. i hope he seeks help. but it will be a LONG journey before he has stable relationships.

where as i am on the precipice. I hope at some point he gives up on projecting and trashing my name... but until then i cant control him... .and ill let him throw his hissy fit until he moves on to the next victim.

he has a long road ahead of him realizing everythilng he has projected onto me in order to hate me. is actually himself.

i feel empathy for him... but i will not engage.

Sounds like detachment to me Hurt; good for you!

Tbh if he hadnt of trashed me all over his fb... And sent that nasty message on CL i would still be making excuses for him! but there was no denying his mental instability after that! i couldnt deny it anymore. the fact he is acting like i drug him.through hell when it really was the other way around... just put the nail in the coffin.

hi HBR.


excellent.

now, you may find yourself slipping back into other patterns of thinking after some days or weeks, especially if you are going to be visiting a dating site that he's on. in addition to not engaging, could you stay away from it entirely?

Im done with him. the worst part was telling all his friends publicly that im a psychopath... and them harping on me not knowing him or me in real life. it cut me off from him bc he knows how empathetic i am... and this is coming from a guy who told me he liked viewing child porn so he could re visit the sickness of man kind... and that he had no empathy viewing it bc he wasnt emotionally attached to the children so it didnt bother him! did i mention i have a 9 yr old little girl?

max i have him hidden i cant see him and he cant see me. he is also blocked from messaging me.

he is a liar and a deciever... and i pray for the poor soul he dates next.

I was so blinded and under a fog before wow! even typing that out. WOW. SICK.

its like coming out of a bad dream for x amount of years... .then swiftly getting your ass kicked back into reality

edit: its so funny too bc while he is bashing me all over the internet about crap that isnt even true i have only confided in ONE person about the child porn thing. my best friend.

i think i had shame surrounding it bc i didnt want to believe it.

he claims he is not a pedophile. all i know is he is sick in the head regardless...

and i am soo done with crazy.

ok, so wherever he's doing this, you're not going to go, right?

remember he's mentally ill. one of the behaviors of pwBPD is projection. we have information about it here: BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=70931.0).

That to me is why relationships with borderlines are self-limiting, or not.  As the crazy escalates there comes a time when we cross a line and go fck this, I'm out.  That happened for me on a cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean and I still needed to tolerate her for a few days since I was incarcerated on a boat, but I've never been happier to see land in my life.  And I understand why some people find it appropriate to jump overboard.

But some people get so caught up in the crazy that they can't get off the ride.  Congratulate yourself on your mental health and for having those moments of clarity.  As you shift your focus from him to you and from the past to the future, what's next for you?

im starting therapy again :) but i think im pretty much over this stage in my life i can feel it. there are things i want to accomplish i am working on :)

also im seeing someone. its not serious but hes GREAT. has good relationship with his parents... all american. out on his own... attractive highly empathetic even got teary eyed when i told him a sad story lol! he is drastically different from what im used to.

we are taking it very slow havent even had sex... .(new to me as well)

no clue where its gonna go. but so nice not to have a connection based on crazy.

im excited for this new chapter. and if it doesnt work out i KNOW i will be loved. i have a GREAT friend who has taken me and my daughter into her family. celebrstibg thanksgiving with these ppl and parents are coming down.

i finally feel like i know who i am and that is part of the reason im over it. bc no one can make me doubt who i am ever again. i gave my allbto him and genuinely loved him and forgave hin llmbseveral times. i have a great heart... im attractive and intelligent. i shouldnt be down on myself. i bring smiles to peoples faces... and i turn heads screw my ex! he missed out big! gl to him.

low self esteem is gettibg a kick out the door.

just sae this! ty for the link max! i will def read it. and No i will not bc i dont even care. when i was more insecure i would doubt myself and allow him to gaslight me. nkw i dont care what he says bc i KnOW its not true. and i feel sorry for him bc im a good person who really cared about him. exactly what hes seeking out. he wont let himself have it. his denial is as high as a mountain

i dont even take him seriously anymore. i have lost all respect. somethibg he never had for me.