BPDFamily.com

Does anyone else struggle with this?

My uBPD fiancee has had an issue with sleep since I've known her. She has to have about 45 minutes to wind down and i must be with her and calmly support her until she is ready to turn out the light. Some nights when she struggles with insomnia, this process could last until 11 or later. I am not a late night person but before i started setting my boundaries and informing her of my need for sleep, i went along with her way, resentfully, for over two years.

There is no winning this battle. Last night i finally stopped engaging at 11:45 pm. And when she left our bed at 2:45 am,  i had to go to the bathroom and followed her asking if she was okay. She said she had yet to sleep because she was still upset. (With me for not helping her sleep earlier).

I need help in sticking to my boundary and not engaging with her. It's like i just want her permission and blessing to go to sleep? What is up with that?

Sleep has always been tough for my dBPDh.  The first few months we were married I would hold him and soothe him to sleep.  I finally started to feel too much like his Mommy and stopped.  He has a lot of anxiety around sleep and felt very entitled to ruin my sleep.  We have been separated for almost a year, he spends all of his time here except for sleeping.  He has just now gotten where he is having good sleep and that is a combination of a medication change and a lot of therapy on his end.  Is she doing anything to help herself?  You cannot be in the position of being responsible for her sleep.

Do they have nightmares too?  My ex always had nightmares that disrupted her sleep?