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Title: Reversing the discard Post by: Craydar on November 17, 2014, 01:14:29 PM Once you've been painted black and discarded, what are some of the best ways to get the pwBPD to reverse their view of you and paint you white again and want to be with you?
Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: ColdEthyl on November 17, 2014, 01:30:13 PM Hmmm... .I'm not exactly sure how to answer that. The question doesn't seem appropriate. DO you mean how do you get them out of their dysregulation? Or are you actually wanting to be idolized?
Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: Craydar on November 17, 2014, 01:37:15 PM ColdEthyl,
I reworded my question to be a little clearer, i think. Basically looking for a way back into my uxBPDgf's life. Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: Olinda on November 17, 2014, 02:05:22 PM Why? Just curious. Might help you clarify for yourself your own expectations out of this person and this relationship.
Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: Craydar on November 17, 2014, 03:30:29 PM She's undiagnosed and I'm struggling with the idea that I'm not to blame
Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: maxsterling on November 17, 2014, 03:37:04 PM I know how it feels to be thrown away so easily, but sadly to say there really is nothing you can do to get re-included in her life. BPD is what it is (diagnosed or not), and she is who she is. In the case of BPD, you are likely painted black for reasons beyond your control, and that means being painted white is beyond your control. You can't control how she feels about you, and trying to control that will only bring you more heartache. I hate to say it, but my best suggestion is to do your best to take care of yourself, enjoy life, and if she contacts you again, move on from there.
Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: ColdEthyl on November 18, 2014, 02:56:41 PM You are not to blame. I suggest also reading through all the material on this site so you can get a better idea of what BPD is, and how to handle a relationship with her if that's what you want.
She's undiagnosed and I'm struggling with the idea that I'm not to blame Title: Re: Reversing the discard Post by: enlighten me on November 18, 2014, 03:04:48 PM Its taken a while but im painted white again by my ex wife. What did I do you ask. Nothing.
I didnt rise to her provecations. Engage her in conversation. Or slate her to our children. I have done a couple of things to help her mum out but I didnt go out of my way to do it and tgey were no big deals. what added is her new husband is now painted black. ive no desire to get back with her. |