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Have another post on here but just woke up to this.

he came back again and we were sitting on the couch... .watching tv. my daughter was doing something... .and i yelled at her... and kinda didnt keep collected as i normally do.

he started gathering his things... and i was a wreck and was so sad... and sad "please dont go" and he sat so close to me and said so.lovingly looked me in the eyes and said: "i wont ill be right back"

insinuating he was just taking his stuff out to the car... .

i waited and he wasnt back yet so i looked out the window and he was gone!

in tears as i write this and overwhelmed with sadness. any takers on what this means?

i know part of it is his deception under a false facade. also that he cant stick around when i need him. despite me sticking by him through some really nasty stuff.the dream was so detailed it felt real. i even remember what the ppl in my parking lot were wearing.

feel sick to my stomach and really sad.

I was at my T today and told him about a nightmare about my ex I had recently. He followed up by asking if I had been in contact with my mother recently. It makes me curious. When did you have contact with any of your parents?

crazy! my parents are coming down to celebrate thanksgiving w me and my best friends family! i havent seen them in months or really talked to them in months!

whats the correlation?

its a big to do thing with all us women cooking together

Well, in my case the connection between my ex and my mother is getting clearer and clearer. Too me, that is, my T already know this for certain... .:)

Meaning, emotionally I somehow mix up an old longing for my mother with my ex. And, my ex and mother are very much alike. I didn't see this at all from the beginning, but they act and dress the same way.

What I wonder is what I should do with this knowledge. Now what? How does this help me?

interesting stuff... my ex is very perverted to a disturbing degree like my dad. but my dad is a hard working man and capable unlike my bps who is mostly waif like (until he switches) cant really take care of himself at all.

i think my dads pervions really affected me as a kid (and hes my step dad to be exact.)

Sometimes my step dad comments on my fb that i am hot or sexy.

one time he asked me if my exBPD knew his way around a womans body.

also when i was 16 he asked if i.would run away with him.

(i dont know for sure what he meant by that) i dont remember my childhood well

and my mother neglected us emotionally!

I smell mix-ups/projections.   Are you in therapy?

more specific what kind os.mix ups and projections?

and i was for 2 years

I'm not sure, but a neglectful mother, a missing bio-father(?) and a perverted step-dad sounds like a good environment for creating life-long longings, for both a mother and a father. These longings would then be painted upon people who, in some way, are suitable for the painting.

I'm still new to this...

I dreamt about my ex last pm, watched her in a happy relationship.   I woke up so sad

iv detached alot wondering when my subconcious is gonna let go too

My P says that because I was the oldest and my mom was very much controlled by my father she needed me to care for her physically but mostly emotionally. As a child I was forced to be a grown up and I relived all of this through my uBPDexgf. Crazy stuff but it all makes sense.

I dont like the feeling i have after waking up with a dream of himits awful.

i wish i could erase him.