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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: HUSBANDofPBDX on November 19, 2014, 04:53:59 PM



Title: Coping in a tornado
Post by: HUSBANDofPBDX on November 19, 2014, 04:53:59 PM
Hello,

I married a woman who at the time didn't know she had BPD but now that I know about it and have lived with her through the last 2.5 years I have had ample time to see all the signs. Looking back now I can see she was like this also in the beginning but she did a good job hiding it. I feel betrayed because I was lead to believe things and she was one way when it turns out she has a ton of mental health issues. It's got to the point no that she is getting help by the damage in some ways has been done. I feel beat down and burnt out and depressed. When I try to talk to her about how I feel she twists it around to be about how she feels - which is angry, me talking about myself is so selfish: look what she has to go through! It's always the same. The therapy helps her but it's not helping our relationship. And some days I don't see why I should carry on. I take care of her and her needs. There is no one here to take care of me or mine. I've never been treated so badly by anyone my whole life. Then when it goes bad and I say I want to leave it's 'go ahead' or 'I'll leave before you can'. I've put up with so much and while I want to help her and I do I also feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

Plus out sex life doesn't exist. I'm told I'm selfish to want that too.

Anyway, I'm sure this is common to this group.


Title: Re: Coping in a tornado
Post by: frizz on November 19, 2014, 08:59:37 PM
You'll find a lot of support here. Living with a BPD partner can feel extremely lonely, but the folks here are just wonderful. I'm pretty new to the site, too. It's a huge relief to just know that we aren't alone.

Excerpt
the damage in some ways has been done. I feel beat down and burnt out and depressed. When I try to talk to her about how I feel she twists it around to be about how she feels - which is angry

I know exactly what you're talking about. Anybody would be exhausted dealing with what you've dealt with, and knowing she's getting help for herself makes no difference in the things that she's done in the past. Things have recently been better in my own relationship, and I feel guilty for hanging onto all the abuse that has happened in the past. I carry a lot of baggage that my SO doesn't even comprehend, and it leaves me pretty bitter sometimes. I certainly can't talk to her about it because she's incapable of understanding how her behavior hurts other people, and she gets angry and instantly defensive. It's just the way she is.

I'm seeing a counselor, myself. I resisted for a long time (I shouldn't have to see a counselor just to deal with a relationship!), but it's part of my radical acceptance practice. Fact is, I feel just like you do: beat down, burnt out, and depressed. And I have nobody to talk to. Seeing a counselor to help manage my own emotions seems like a good step in the right direction toward taking care of myself.