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Title: My friend and I have taken a romantic turn Post by: littlenutbrownhare on November 19, 2014, 10:00:40 AM Boundaries... .lol... .at 48 and after 3 years of good therapy and a much needed divorce from an NPD spouse of 19 yrs, I actually know what they are! I'm not certain if this is the proper place for this question but here it is anyway: I became good friends with a younger man (mutual friend introduction), and over the two years that we have been close, I became aware of his BPD and have subsequently scoured all information, talked in depth with my therapist, and have slowly but surely begun to learn about boundaries, mindfulness and wise mind. Things bt my friend and I have taken a romantic turn... .and, after months of denial, running, and being miserable, we've recently decided to just 'mindfully' roll with it. He is self aware and familiar with the practice of DBT. He is also currently in therapy with a counsellor who is exoerienced with borderline patients. I guess I want to hear from someone out there that we have a chance... .that every relationship with a borderline disordered person isn't doomed to failure... . we have learned to communicate very well over time and we enjoy being together so much... . thoughts?
Title: Re: My friend and I have taken a romantic turn Post by: Skip on November 20, 2014, 01:03:08 AM I guess I want to hear from someone out there that we have a chance... .that every relationship with a borderline disordered person isn't doomed to failure... . we have learned to communicate very well over time and we enjoy being together so much... . thoughts? Every relationship takes work. A "BPD" relationship takes more. It's really important to learn the tools and to have realistic expectations - like things will be difficult in times of stress. It may be a difficult qestion - how much of an age difference is there? Title: Re: My friend and I have taken a romantic turn Post by: Haye on November 20, 2014, 05:28:36 AM Being realistic and open helps. BPD does give some extra challenges to a relationship. Ability to talk about them, even afterwards, helps. Him being self aware might mean he is able to reflect upon he's own behaviour. It does make odd situations a bit easier - like once i was getting really upset about my SO's words, on the verge of tear, and asked him why are you doing that? He paused and pondered. I don't konw, except BPD, he said. Apologized for his behaviour, saying that he is fully aware what he saying was hurtful for me, but somehow just had to continue. He's BPD making empiric tests on human psyche, that's what we call it.
Also i guess it is a question of what is good and enough? After years of living in NPD's shadow just being together with someone and enjoying life as it comes might be enough. Getting married, or starting to build a house together, things like that might mean extra pressure. |