BPDFamily.com

I made a long detailed thread about my situation here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=237397.0

Long story short, this was my first GF, I'm 28 now and she's 23. Technically we've been together about 2.5 years.

Anyway, starting from exactly one year or so ago, she started this series of constant breakups. Where she would breakup over every little fight and said she was unhappy in general, then we'd make up in a day or two until it happened again a few weeks or months down the line. I was always walking on eggshells. This continued until this past May, where she said she wanted to breakup for good and that she didn't love me anymore, and disliked most things about me. She said for the past 2 years, she's been constantly angry and annoyed because of our relationship.

Anyway, she was very aggressive about this breakup and said it is final, and that I need to stop guilt-tripping her back in. I proceeded to beg and plead, texting, calling, begging on my knees, crying, all that stuff for nearly 4 weeks. During these 4 weeks, I was systematically emotionally destroyed. She tore me into pieces by how she talked down to me. She had turned into a ruthless monster. This ultimately ended after 4 weeks when she told me she had slept with someone else on the first date and rubbed the new guy in my face. This absolutely crushed me, and I ultimately left her alone, and went NC.

I was miserable for weeks and the emotional pain was unimaginable. I could not understand how she could treat me this way, when I gave her nothing but love, dedication, and commitment. I could not eat or sleep or study or anything else. She started contacting me 3 weeks later with some dry pointless text that I ignored. One week after that she texted me saying she was sorry and loved me and missed me. So I called her back, and she basically rubbed her new "Relationship" in my face instead, and this destroyed me more, saying she didn't want to come back.

But starting a week after that she started texting me more personal stuff, which I ignored, until she texted me that she always has been and still is in love with me. So then we started talking, and despite my hesitation and the advice of others I took her back based on her promises and her apparent sincerity.

She was extremely apologetic, and said she loved me, and would do whatever it took however long it took to make me happy and make this work. She said she missed and loved everything about me. New honeymoon stage started! So for the most part things went great the next 2 months as we both worked on our issues, or so I thought.

Anyway, during the month of October I felt like everything was going great and things look promising. Then she went to a Halloween rave and a day later she dumped me again, saying she met a lot of cool people there, and that I didn't have the same interests as her, and that she didn't see a future with me. She told me to stop wasting her time, and that was that.

She once again started acting like during the summer. Very angry, depressed, violent, yelling at me, blaming me, saying I made her unhappy, tearing me down and insulting me, saying I was inadequate in so many ways, except sex. Like a tape recorder! I even told her how she was acting exactly like before and how she should stop, because I can't take it anymore.

I tried chasing after her for 2 weeks again, until last Friday, constantly telling her how unfair this was. How I basically sacrificed myself and gave her love, affection, forgiveness, a second chance, and she's just getting up and leaving suddenly. She said life is unfair, and the more I told her I would change and fix any problems, the more she blamed me for everything. She said she doesn't want to give it any more chances, if it's always going to end up like this in 2 months. I kept telling her how she's the one always breaking up and causing fights, not me!

She said we had agreed to 2 months, when in the beginning she said SHE would do anything for as long as it takes. We never agreed to 2 months. She made it up.

Now I'm kind of back where I started. So she didn't love me, then loved me again, now doesn't love me again? I have no idea what happened or how she could do this to me. Things were going great, wounds were healing, I was trusting her again and feeling comfortable again, then BAM! It completely blows my mind. Discarded like trash just like during the summer.

My last series of texts were apologizing to her if I mistreated her (which I never ever did, in fact she was always emotionally abusive towards me), and told her all the things I love about her. She never responded to those, and I've been NC for a week.

I can relate. In many ways. I did several similar things. All I can tell you was I went through it for 5 years constantly looking for a ray of hope that I never saw and changes that never, and could never happen. The best mistake I ever made was letting my BPDw get away and move on to other men. It tears your heart out, and eats your soul because it seems so da*m unfair, and it is. that is why they are sick. normal ppl don't do that stuff to each other.

It's not gonna feel better any time soon, and you are going to question everything, but just keep reading and posting here, it's helping me a lot.