BPDFamily.com

  Hello, everyone!

For those of you who don't remember me, I was in a 2-year relationship with a man with BPD. The r/s ended on March 25 of this year. I was absolutely destroyed by him leaving me, but I found so much refuge and support here.

Unfortunately, a little over a month after the breakup, there were a couple of family tragedies -- between those, the r/s ending, and work stress, I went into a major depressive episode for several months. I've always struggled with depression, but this was by far the worst episode I've ever had. The good news is that I clawed my way out of the darkness and am feeling loads better, and am stumbling towards enlightenment once again. 

So, the r/s has been over for 8 months. There has been some contact; it's always initiated by him, and usually just short text exchanges. However, he has called me twice. The contact typically comes about once every 6-8 weeks. I've always been as neutral as possible during these exchanges, and it's gotten easier the past couple of times. The last time we talked (about a month ago), he told me he loved me and that I was perfect, et cetera, all those fun things. I didn't cry, and I didn't give in.

I do feel a lot better. And I promise you that it gets easier. I've gone from my heart jumping into my throat when I hear from him, to just sighing deeply. I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, even during times when I miss him.

I've dated casually a few times, but I'm really just not that interested in pursuing any romantic, intimate relationship. I know I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I don't ever want to wind up in such a scary place again, like my BPD r/s became during the last year. I feel lonely sometimes, but I'd rather have occasional loneliness than have my emotions, energy, and mental wellbeing drained.  :)

I just wanted to drop back in and say hello and good luck to everyone here. Don't despair. I know it's painful, I know it seems impossible at times, I know it's not fair. But keep working on yourself and stick to your boundaries, and realize that you deserve health and happiness in your life. We are all works in process; we will get there one day. 

My ex left 2 days after yours.  I can relate to much of what you said, especially the time preceding the breakup.  Still plugging away, 2 steps forward and 1 back but I feel better most days.  Thank you

Hi Happy

I'm at 14 months now. I started dating someone at 8 months. It lasted just under 4 months. I just wasn't ready and it was not fair to let it go on longer. Now just 2 months after I ended the short relationship I am ready to date again. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get to this point again. No looking back. The occasional trigger creeps up from behind sometimes but it has gotten so much better!  Congrats on your progress and keep pushing forward until it is no longer an effort at all :)

Thank you, Waifed. And congratulations on your progress, as well! It's very inspiring.  :)


Thank you, too, Hawk Ridge. :) I've certainly slipped mentally in my own journey before, and most likely will again, but the good times are so much better now. It's refreshing to have my own life and mind back.  :)