BPDFamily.com

My husband did not even bother answering my divorce complaint.  He just let it go and our divorce will be uncontested. He was so vehement the day I told him I filed. Saying he was getting a lawyer, etc. I filed all the paperwork personally. I did not pay the filing costs,  but asked those be assigned to him. If he stays true to course, this will all go out without even a whimper. I explored why this bothers me so much with my t. She said it is just so anticlimactic.  It is not an ending that brings closure. If you think his behavior in the divorce has to do with his disorder, please explain how you think it relates.  I suppose I am getting my own closure by trying to make some sense of it.to myself.

Personally, it will give him the victim mentality they love. Mean old wife took me for everything... boo hoo. Thats just my thoughts on it. They love being the victim... .

I know my ex when confronted with things like this would just fly a white flag and give up, because she can't face down her own issues. She let her car be repo'ed because she couldn't call her financing company and let them know she was going to be late on her payment because she lost her job. She went to jail over a DUI because she couldn't go to Alcohol Education classes. It's because she can't face down her own bad choices. She can't cope with the self reflection these situations cause. She'd rather just give up and ignore it as much as she can, rather than look herself in the mirror.

It's the black-and-white thinking that is a trait of the disorder.  His vehemence when you filed meant it meant everything to him emotionally, and the emotions were too strong to deal with so he flipped entirely the other way, to make it mean nothing, no gray area between.  Just a defense mechanism that we all use once in a while, but for someone with extreme emotions it has to be absolute.

Thanks to all of you who replied. It actually hurts less thinking it is something he cannot face than that it all meant nothing to him. When I had called him and we had our final conversation almost exactly 2 months ago, he first pretended not to know me. It hurt a lot because I looked at it like he was trying to let me know how little I mattered. My therapist said it sounded more like his denial response is so powerful because I really did matter. I mattered so much he can't even face the fact I still exist. I don't think he really didn't know who I was, but that he does everything he can to put me completely out of his mind. With the BPD,  he is good at that. Some of it makes sense now. He was injured/shamed by me when I expressed my needs, and he can't face it. I suppose if he shows up in January at the hearing, it will be to rub my nose in a replacement at that time if he has one.