BPDFamily.com

All of a sudden I miss my ex. I struggled a long time with if she loved me then... .

Now that I have got a grip on what the disorder is I feel sorry about how everything went down and I miss her. I want to reconnect with her but I am not in that place yet I havnt healed yet.  This is highly likely a passing thing and maybe I am just triggered.

Hi Blimblam, it's wonderful having a safe place to share our feelings, joys, insights, fears, triggers, you name it.

Can you describe how or why you might feel triggered? 

Thank you pheobe

I struggled a long time trying to understand what the hell happened. If it was all smoke and mirrors and if she loved me. What I realize is she did. I also became suddenly aware of the knots in my stomach and my desire to forgive. For the longest time I didn't know up from down and sort of was looking for something to anchor my reality too. No one I knew had any sort of understanding or way to relate except for here. I read through all the articles and a few books. But I sort of bought into the negativity that often prevails on the detaching board.  Now that I have some clarity in my head I still get flashbacks of the relationship and I realize she did love me she just got lost.  Like that part of her that was real and genuine fell back down the rabbit hole and I tumbled down after.

Also I watched Groundhog Day.

I miss mine too. I feel for you. I hope you find some peace today.

Thank you for sharing, Blimblam

Distance brings perspective, as does feeling the pain.  Have you had any contact with your ex?  Would you like to?  Has she made any attempts to get back together?

And boy do I know about Groundhog Day   It's my favorite holiday now that I know how to rewrite the script :)  It all starts from within... .

Thank you hope

I have not had contact lately. I do not want to reach out in a moment I am trying to gain understanding.  Which is when I typically get the urge. 

I suppose my memory of my ex triggered me to confront my shadow like the groundhog sees his shadow and now I am integrating it back into my life. This is not something my ex helped me with since the begining idealization phase of the relationship when she was a damn angel and I felt fully integrated and able to help her understand her shadow. I was not an enabler with her looking for a bad guy. When she had a bad guy I would help her recognize it was just her shadow she was really growing as a person when with met.

In a lot of ways I think a break up with a pwBPD is sort of necesary for them to grow. To be reparented then fly away from the parent. It's so hard because the bond is like a perfect parent a drowning child and a lover all at once.