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2 months out post b/u and been NC since day 1. I find myself going through one of the hardest parts right now and am having some trouble with it. I feel like I am slowly going back to the way I felt at day 1. I am starting to miss her more and more. I am starting to think of how much fun we had and how much she praised me.

I know it wasn't real.

For some reason I can only think of the good times. I try thinking of the bad to make myself get over her easier. because when she got angry or did terrible things I would get so close to leaving her but she would act like a victim and I would come right back. But I seem to not be able to think of the bad times all that much, or when I do I don't feel angry. I seem to be only able to think of the good times and miss her terribly. Maybe this is the push/pull cycle that I am craving. I heard from someone on here that the first 4 months are the hardest. Is that true?

Antonio

How long have you been on the site ?

why are you in NC?

Why is it serving you for ?

I have 40 days today it's been 4 month since the B/u but I had several times discussion with her but I boiled down she only needs me for money .

I cut her off 5 days I even told her I am talking to a new girl  she showed she doesn't but I know she starting to  hit her and feel my pain and I hope she is suffering now .

Anyways this time I am not over all the way but something is helping me and I have hope that she will call after thanks giving and regret her mistakes . if not its ok I can live

Hang in there .

I can attest to that.  I am over 5 mths out and it is getting easier and easier.  My focus is way less on him and way more on me and my future.  Hang in there, allow yourself to feel the grief.  You cannot go around it, only through it.  Don't take it as a sign you need her back, it is a normal stage.  I still find myself struck with grief from time to time but lately I have been feeling like I don't even like him anymore.  I am starting to get into what my real values are and I realise that my ex shared none of my core values.  No wonder I wasn't able to have any boundaries with him.  This withdrawal is normal. Keep looking forward.

I am two and a half months out of the break up. 42 days NC. I have good days and bad days. The bad days suck. I can say that the bad days seem to be cycling a little less. I don't find my mind is as preoccupied with her. It probably doesn't help that the holidays are on there way. This makes it harder. The thought of her with the replacement makes me want to vomit. Keep pushing through the pain. You can do this. We are with you. When I have a breakdown I just let it happen. I cry it out and I post here. As hard as detaching is I know my life is so much better without my BPD ex in it.

1 year later ... .still think of her daily. Gets easier and easier though, the emotional aspects are fading and life is moving on.

Hi A1213, The first 4 months are probably the hardest looking back.  For me personally at first I was mad as hell... .then I started to forget why I was mad and started to miss "her".  Eventually I started to forget about "her" and started feeling very indifferent about "her". 

So for me the reason why month 4 felt so hard was I was losing focus on the bad points of the relationship, and missing what I thought was good.  Looking back there was really not that much that was good.  Even the good times were filled with stress because I was trying so hard to keep the good times "good". 

You're not alone. I'm just past 2 months, going NC on day 1, though I had no official break up just a walk off, and I feel the same way on some days. My subconscious associates everything with her. My dreams are about her or include her.  It's not fun and not easy.

Not any more. I dont even count days anymore... .

Hang in there pal. We are all with you.

I can't help but think that they NEED to make us like this. Naturally, due to our weakened condition, we were and are far less likely to up and get the hell out. They make us like this so we can't get away so easily.

This is truly one ___ed up tango.