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Title: Holidays approaching Post by: george2 on November 24, 2014, 03:12:31 PM So here we are again... .Thanksgiving approaching and the news was just delivered that my dBPDw is not attending thanksgiving dinner at my parents house. Her reason, she always says somethimlng wrong or stupid, and people do not want to be around her... .so just me and the children should go. Now whether this mood holds, who knows, but I am so sick of her ruining every holiday, mainly for the kids. Why does this always happen? She will hopefully change her mind but in the meantime will ruin everyone's week in fearing the worst.
Title: Re: Holidays approaching Post by: Rapt Reader on November 24, 2014, 09:55:22 PM That's really sad, george2, and it's miserable when the Holidays are messed up by a loved one who doesn't want to participate when so many are counting on them being there. I feel bad for your kids; it's not the perfect celebration when a parent doesn't want to attend... .
Her reason, she always says somethimlng wrong or stupid, and people do not want to be around her... .so just me and the children should go. Does she have any reason to believe that this really is the case? In the past, does she embarrass herself with her impulsiveness or rash comments, or whatever? Does she get upset or feel shame afterwards? Maybe, in her own mind, she really is doing the best thing by staying away from a family gathering where she might stick her foot in her mouth, or otherwise hurt someone's feelings or shame herself? Do you think that you could talk to her about her fears? Have you considered using the Tools and The Lessons (S.E.T., validation, etc.) to see if you can get to the bottom of her anxiety? Is there a chance that, in her perception, her resistance to going makes some sort of "sense" to her? Maybe she's not really manipulating you and your family, but is genuinely fearful of the gathering? Just wondering... . |