BPDFamily.com

I have made friends with an orthopaedic surgeon, and seeing our friendship is growing I told her about my BPDex. I asked her to watch my actions and emotions and tell me if something doesn't add up. Then we discussed the disorder, and she seems to know quite a lot about it. It was a great evening.

Although 2 weeks ago I said I want to take a break from this site, I still find myself coming here and reading and even posting.

Talking about BPD and diseases. This is not about the every day type diseases they get. My ex had taken about 30 days sick leave in the first year of her job. Some recurring stomach pain that would go away if she had a baby...    

That is not what I would like to discuss here, we all experienced that. But did your ex ever have any strange type of (call it) exotic disease. Something that is very rare?

Mine had a very rare hair disease called Alopecia. It makes the hair fall out, and (like BPD) there doesn't seem to be any treatment that actually works.

Is there any pattern here related to BPD ?

There's a lot of comorbidity.

Mine didn't have anything "exotic" at least that I know of.

But anxiety,  eating disorder,  insomnia,  sleep paralysis and so on are all common comorbidities

I have heard of alopecia,  is it linked to stress?

Mine claimed to have kidney problems.  She would claim to go to the doctor's office but now looking back i can't validate if she did or didn't.  (I lived 3 hours from her and only saw her on the weekends)

Then she would have bad stomach pains.  Then it was pain in her heart.

Then some pain sometimes when we made love.

She always had something "hurting" her and needed to tell me about it.  But when i would tell her go see someone about it she would just brush me off like it would pass.

Mine also hurt and was feeling down all the time, but I wrote it off as due to her disability and didn't notice how much diazepam she was chugging down every day.

Doctors who don't listen and don't taken them seriously. Does that sound familiar? Stomach pains, back pains... .every time she hurt a hand or a foot she was convinced it would be for life and it was almost like a phobia. She would get really upset.

Mine had IBS and she had such a hard time accepting that there was no particular cure/treatment that could make it go away. Also, it's just another way to say psychosomatic, stress-related stomach pains.

Mine had a serious heart condition when she was much younger.  Surgery fixed some 8ish years before we met and her doctors cleared her.  But every so often she would experience similar symptoms, so she said.  I don't doubt that she was experiencing something each time she acted out but my T has led me to believe that it was anxiety related and not health related.  Each late night call to her mother or trip to the hospital to try to figure out what was going on yielded nothing.  Then magically, she's fixed for a while.  Hours in the hospital running tests, nothing, released.  Referred to the cardiologist, full work ups, nothing.  This was her way, perhaps not intentionally, of getting the focus back on her, of gaining control again.  Or at least that's how I've interpreted it considering everything I've seen points to her being physically healthy.

She also had chronic stomach issues (bad IBS).  Since day 1.  She went to a GI doctor a number of times.  They thought it was a gluten sensitivity but she could eat a loaf of bread and be fine.  But we tried the gluten free thing for a while to no avail (that sucked too, I definitely cheated when I could because we had to do EVERYTHING together).  They had her keep food journals, ran tests on her, never coming up with anything.  We even had to change plans a number of times in order to get her home (she could never go anywhere in public).  This always frustrated her immensely but it does make me wonder about the connection between this and BPD.  I've read in a couple of places that BPDs sometimes have unexplained physical maladies that do not respond to treatment.  I'll see if I can dig that up.  

ETA: Link to study I found www.aapel.org/BPD/BLsomaticUS.html#data (http://www.aapel.org/BPD/BLsomaticUS.html#data)

Fibromyalgia... .jeez... .

Add Lyme Disease to the list.  Very hard to diagnose accurately so it's an ideal disease for a pwBPD.

One time I went w/my BPDxW to her appointment w/the GI doctor for some supposed stomach ailment.  I thought that I was being the supportive spouse (OK, maybe White Knight) by accompanying her, at her request, to see the Dr. I asked the Dr. what I could do to help my W with her symptoms.  He said (quote), ":)on't come to these appointments"!

LuckyJim

Apparently she'd get a yeast infection whenever we had sex "too much"... .aka, twice a week, if even that much.

Whatever.

That too! to stop wolfing down sugar and losing some weight was simply out of the question.

My ex BPDbf told a story about almost dying at the age of 6 from some sort of rare infection. He never went into any more detail. But, believe it's what contributed to his BPD. He said he wasn't loved and considered a burden (financial) to his already overburdened family (medical bills).

During the four years I was with him, he had two knee replacements, the first one in his mid forties. A myriad of MRSA infections, which are highly contagious, antibiotic resistant and reported to the CDC. He was hospitalized and had a PIC line inserted to inject/deliver high strenth antiobiotics. I contracted MRSA from him 3 times and it was awful! He said he didn't have an outbreak and wasn't contagious. My doctor explained that he's a carrier, so it doesn't matter if there are visible signs or not. It's contracted from skin-to-skin contact and bodily fluids (blood). It took many courses of strong medications and antibiotics to get rid of the infections. I have scars on my inner and outer thighs. He also had eczema all over his body and was constantly scratching until he would bleed. When I learned about BPD I correlated this to cutting.

I do believe it's the stress that causes the health issues. Can you imagine spending your life pretending to be someone you're not (mask), mirroring others, lying to everyone around you and never telling the truth or being honest? That's gotta reak havoc on the body. Just look at the emotional and physical damage they did to us Nons!

This exotic disease turns out to be quite interesting.

I think our local hospital got tired of seeing my ex. They just didn't know what to prescribe anymore. I am sure the doctor knew she was just trying to take off work.


herdestridge, I agree, the doctors just give up. I would feel to shy to even go to the doctor so often. But pretending comes natural for them.


billypilgrim, I actually forgot about the weak heart. But yes, my ex had that as well.

Actually this is becoming funny now.


Lucky Jim, I didn't need to go with. The doctors must have given up on her, and just put her on a drip for an hour or 2. Then she would send everyone pics of her lying in hospital with a drip. As if the world was just about to end. Anything for a bit of attention and pity.


Been there, and done that too. I was told it was an STD, that she got from me. Not once, but 3 or 4 times.

No wonder I got depressed towards the end, and never wanted to touch the monster.   

I just wasn't sure anymore... .  

My X had tumors that she felt but I couldn't and didn't want to go to a doctor to have them removed.  Of course, I purposely couldn't feel them.

Anyways she's gone! :)

I have noticed similarities with both my exs and what members have posted.

I would like to add my theory to this.

some are diversion tactics or for gaining sympathy but I believe a lot are real.

This I believe is down to hormone imbalances. There are a lot of things like fibromyalgia, CFS, thyroid etc etc that can be caused by hormones. The fact that these things are repoted by so many of us and like their behaviour seem to come from a playbook.

Oh Yes!

In the 8 months we were involved, she had a rare iron deficiency that was so serious she had to get weekly transfusions (they doctors never got to the bottom of this and she "miraculously" made a dramatic turnaround) , there were cancer scares, endless female reproductive organ issues, a chronic back and shoulder issue that warranted intensive physiotherapy, strange headaches. All of these "rare and undiagnosable".all went away after a while only to be replaced by something new. Her troubles and ailments were always special and different  :) I believe her ailments were directly linked to the fear and anxiety that drove her every move. Also, it was also used as a hook to keep me close and captured in her mad story.

Lion Fire's post reminded me of something from last year.  Last year it was a vitamin D deficiency.  So she started taking supplements.  For like a couple weeks and that seemed to "fix" it.  Each of these things in isolation seems innocuous enough. But when you look at the whole picture and combine it with all of the other behaviors and issues, it's just one big mess.

Funny, I never really thought about that. But my stbxh had cancer scares that turned out to be sarcoidosis, got a hip replacement, broke his neck twice in his life and is full of metal plates. Also metal plates in his knee and ankles, full of scars from various surgeries. He always ran into something on his mountain- and or road bike. Was always in minor accidents with motorcycles and cars. Had to have a lot of physiotherapy. Whenever he was triggered, he started coughing and blamed that on the sarcoidosis (or maybe it was cancer... .?).

On our last trip (we weren't doing well at all) he managed to constantly (and annoyingly) cough on the airplane (an 8 hour flight), but the minute we arrived at the airport and were picked up by my son he didn't cough once and it seemed completely gone. Whenever I was around, he'd clear his throat (also very annoying) constantly, cough some more, complain a lot. Whenever he didn't know I was near, he never did that.

He could writhe in pain from his hip or back or whatever, but would not allow me to do anything to help him (get a glass of water, get a painkiller, massage him, get a warm blanket) and then later complain about my 'lack of sympathy'. Duh!

Glad I don't have to deal with that anymore!

Both of my uBPDexs had anaemia problems aswell. Cortisol can affect the kidney blocking vitamins that stimulate bone marrow. As they are always stressed when tge ailments appear then maybe theres a physical cause to these illnesses that come and go with no apparent reason.

Sounds familiar... .her back hurt especially or at least I noticed an uptake in complaining about it during the bad times, I heard a lot less about it when we were having good times/months/weeks/days.

The bolded especially.  She never needed the doctor or the hospital when things were swell.  Only when she hated/devalued me.  And lord help the doctor that didn't take her seriously.  Cue doctors don't know anything or never take my concerns seriously comments.  Her feelings were facts.  Period.  Anyone who said otherwise didn't know what he/she was talking about.  And her enabling mother (who is also BPD) didn't help things one bit.  In fact, they even encouraged each other with their flavor of the week ailments.

LOL I grew up building PC's with my dad for fun and know a ton about computers (not coding though) but when she was slamming her computer down because it was broke (she just had viruses and a few trojans nothing 1hr couldn't clean up digging around for all the roots)... I didn't know crap about computers lol and once fixed "guess you did know something"

It was far more intense these pains, etc. during bad times.

Happened to me also! Very weird. It was like cistitis all the time. I was even blamed to caused it!

I have been told it is part of the disorder. Seems like ever since I met her she either has something tangible or intangible which she seeks treatment for or not. At the beginning I thought it was just a case of bad luck or histrionic personality. Maybe it still is. I do understand that she really feels these things. And there are some legitimate health problems as well but it always seems like one thing after another. I finally had to change my health insurance to an HMO in fear of going broke with deductibles. I think it's just really sad.

The list of both exotic and common diseases that my exBPD claimed to have were endless - doctors never agreed with her, though... .surprise, surprise.

The craziest thing was that my ex was a disease copycat. I didn't notice it at first, but eventually it dawned on me that most of her imagined illnesses matched illnesses or health problems that people around her had... .a friend got a slipped disk? She'd claim to have a slipped disk. An aunt suffering from thyroid problems? She'd suddenly have thyroid problems. Her new neighbour having food allergies? She'd get food allergies.

If Munchausen syndrome was an art form, my ex would be Michelangelo.

Hahaha, thats the funniest method of trying to get a baby out of someone I've ever heard!

my ex had all sorts of 'stomach problems'

so bad we went to get her very thoroughly checked out, they found nothing

I was sure most of it was caused by her decades-long eating disorder

until that day, during our very brief recycle when she mentioned that after we broke up, her stomach felt better, and she asked me if I had poisoned her during the relationship

the most outlandish, far-out claim I have ever been accused of in my life   -- and it dawned on me, that that was just another projection

her need for attention, sympathy, and martyrdom is so overwhelmingly intense, she deliberately poisons herself... .

BPD is, indeed, a very serious mental illness

My SO's uBPDxw... .

dysautonomia, fibromyalgia, keratoconus, vaginal cyst, vasovaglal syncopy, bad back, asthma, allergies (allergic to everything), bone on bone knees, vaginal dryness, yeast infections... .anything her kids get she gets... .anything she gets her kids must have too... . 

Who knows what's next? I'm sure it will just be horrible, life threatening, rare, painful, require lots of pain meds and be OH SO DRAMATIC!  

With all of her ailments you'd think she was 110 years old... .she isn't even 50.

Bungenstein, I just burst out laughing, all over again. But this was for real. Apparently it is in the genes, and her sister had the same problem. Yet after she gave birth, it miraculously healed.

It is times like these that I question my own sanity. THREE YEARS... .! What was I thinking.

You believed this story? I'm not laughing at you, I know fully well how crazy we can become. They have to be totally insane to come up with such a ridiculous story!

To be very honest, yes I believed this story. The pain and discomfort she went through, was all just so convincing. I can write pages full of other things I also believed. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice was telling me something just isn't adding up.

Does this now make sense why I became depressed, lost touch with my own feelings, lost interest in the world around me, and had to run from this relationship to save my own sanity     

To say my ex was totally insane, is a mild statement. Yet she was so good at being insane, that she actually got me believing I am the one with the problem. And to a certain extent I started believing that as well. Thank God I got to the point where I just had to let go. I just could not be treated so bad anymore. Not after everything I had sacrificed for her, and then constantly being told what SHE had to sacrifice for me.

This is not as ludicrous as you nay think. There is so much with tgese conditions that point to hormones. One thing that is common with both my exs and has been mentioned on here and BPD sites is an intollerence to oral contraceptives which are estrogen based. Pregnancy may shift the estrogen balance so therefore appear to cure the problem. If you goigle low/ high estrogen and its affects then you may see your exs ailments listed. Let me know if you do and what you find.

Not as ludicrous as one might think, but still ludicrous!

My ex-wife's BPD symptoms were basically reduced by 90% when she was pregnant. I remember the first time she demanded a "talk" (I e I've been painted black again). It was six weeks after our daughter was born. So there is something to what you're saying.

Sex was smooth and uncomplicated during pregnancy, something it has never been otherwise.

Regardless is we're talking about somatization or not (and I think doctors opinions would go apart) that problem is almost overshadowed by the anxiety and anger they have when seeking treatment or when trying to communicate their symptoms to others. At least in my case, that soon became a bigger issue than the pain or the itch. And that is definitely related to BPD.

No exw didn’t, but “suffered” from numerous physical complaints that came and went.

Her hips. Medial examinations, no result. Ordered to be active, walk, etc. and not to sit in certain postures.

Every time I addressed it, there was no pain.

Her neck and arm. Due to the mouse, of course, oh no, due to a bad chair at the office, or both?

Needed to do exercises of course, and not playing tennis. Never seen her doing exercises and continued to paly tennis. When addressed the complaints were gone… until months later. Hurried to the family doctor as this time something else was needed to be examined.  Same story.

Stomach and intestinal problems all of a sudden. Cause? A lack of fibre rich food…  Strange as we all ate the same. Well exw was very sensitive, always had been (all of a sudden). For a year or so exw needed some extras.

Like snow in the sun, it disappeared, never came back.

Her back, same story.

Anything else I forgot?

It is a way to get attention when a BPD feels inner turmoil but doesn’t want you to know (at that point). In fact they are silently screaming for your attention.     

This did become a major problem in our relationship. My exwife would by tons of food that she claimed her was all her sensitive stomach could tolerate, but she only held diet for a day so most of it just went in the trash. She self-diagnosed all kind of intolerance and in the end I had to tell her that she would better let a doctor check her intolerance up and not just guess things. But no... .that would be pointless. Doctors just don't understand.

And as someone else noted here, if she was in a bad mood it all escalated.

Funny thing is she would tell me stories about how her father used to punish the family with disgusting food when he was in a vile mood. She never saw the connection. When she was dysregulating she insisted the whole family to go on a healthkick (which of course backfired if the person suggesting the "healthkick" is obviously doing it out of anger and frustration).

When she moved out I took a 80kg sack of outdated food to the city dump. She never let me threw away the bad conscious stuff either.

That solved the problem we had with flies too! 

This is unreal how similar you and I handled going through this.  I believed every word.  I took everything seriously.  I had been trained so well that I think I just knew better than to ever doubt anything she said in regards to herself.  Cleaning up after the mess after trying to point out that she could be wrong was much more difficult than just going with it. 

And the depression comment hit home.  I didn't realize how bad I had gotten until she dragged us to the marriage counselor to talk about how I work too much and play soccer too much and blah blah blah.  She had me convinced that I was truly the problem.  Per usual.  The counselor wanted to speak with me individually and brought up that I showed signs of depression.  I'd never even imagined myself as depressed.  Or anything but happy, though I know now I was absolutely miserable. 

But what did I do?  I pulled back even more from the things I enjoyed.  To be with her miserable existence, on the couch, watching TV.  I shutter to think how much longer and how much further I would have let this go on.  As heart wrenching as this month has been since she left, I'm very fortunate she left.  I have a life again. I've reconnected with friends that I thought were lost forever.  I'm active again.  I can leave the house after work and do things without fear of text messages or angry/cold treatment when I get home.  I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore.  And more importantly, no more signs of depression.

One thing that I think I will always remember about her though - and I hope this will be front and center if/when she tries to recycle - is that I brought up what the counselor said to me regarding depression to her shortly after the session.  I asked her if she would help me through it.  She sort of nodded but she never brought it up again.  She never seemed concerned.  She never did anything for me like a caring and loving person would.  The one time in 6 years when I truly needed something from her and reached out to her, she wasn't there.  And she never would have been and she never will be.  What the heck was I thinking.

Similar to my gf. Mommy, Daddy issues she never connected to her extremely large pile of steaming horse ___ she had for a life.

I believe this to be true as well.  Mine had Lymphoma week three of a 10 year marriage.  That for sure was real.  The Chemo was real, and the side affects were really bad for her.  A weak immune system has been the case for a long time, and it could be stress related, possibly from working herself up about stuff.  She has also had a really bad bout with a reactive arthritis type ailment which wasn't imagined for sure... .  She's allergic to all kinds of stuff, and her emotions make her sick (and I am to blame for her emotional state).

I have learned that what you think you feel, what you feel is real.  Feelings/emotions are a combo of electrical impulses and secretions of hormones and neurotransmitter chemicals... .  So I believe with this logic you can link up disordered thinking to dysfunctional health. 

Mine also turned to all kinds of alternative medecines, didn't trust the Western doctrine and we have spent a fortune chasing health from hundreds of dollars a month in supplements... .crystal bed meditations, reiki, massage, accupuncture, laser light therapy, meditation, yoga, herbal remedies, essential snake oils and all the rest. 

Recently since our separation she has turned to Psychics, Tarot Readers, Angel Talkers, Akashic Readings, etc.  I think it is very bizzare, but also try not to judge :'( but it's just hard to do sometimes.   

BPD/NPD coupled with Codependency and FOG= it's a hella bad combo and I thinks some things are physically manifested through  messed up thought patterns, and some things might just be made up!  Just my too sense.