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Title: Making genuine forward progress - observing - as she paints the landlord black. Post by: Sandman1881 on November 25, 2014, 12:32:59 PM I'm heading moment by moment towards my third month of freedom "in the real world." As I begin to recover from the chaos and confusion, I have been making it a point to learn as much as I can about the behaviors, characteristics and traits of those afflicted with BPD, NPD and Psychopathy. I'm not a professional in this field, but I have 14 months of experience in the nest. The more I learn, without becoming consumed with or obsessive about research, the better equipped I am in dealing with the pain and loss of this relationship. I am now able to see the behavior as it is, and I am starting to learn not to take it personally.
A phone call I received from my current, and her former, landlord has reaffirmed my belief that my ex in fact does have a certain type of this disorder and no one can convince me otherwise. Not that anyone is trying to. But that is not my point. My landlord notified me that my ex (let's call her she) has intentions to come here this weekend to pick up her things. Not without a court order she's not. I'd say over my dead body but for me statements like that just aren't funny anymore. She is also demanding the return of a security deposit, and that the landlord make himself available this weekend so that can take place. So now I see the grandiosity and sense of entitlement in full flare. In other words, the landlord is expected to make himself available at her request. And she maintains this sense of entitlement even after intentionally bailing on the financial obligation and making sure the rent was paid for the space on a lease that has two months remaining - that I have paid for and assumed. Hey, wait a moment, what about me? What about my plans for a holiday weekend? I think her aggressive approach is simply laughable. Once she was informed that the man was not interrupting his holiday with friends and family to satisfy her demands, she immediately started painting him and his wife black with statements to the effect of "You're a horrible landlord and you did nothing to protect me." Accepting of personal responsibility? Abandonment fears? Insecurity? One of my long-standing pet peeves has always been my distain for those that blame others for their mistakes and poor choices. How did I ever wind up falling for this woman? I know blonde curls, blue eyes and great sex. So now I can finally observe from the safety of my own home her uncontrollable and inappropriate reactions to those individuals that do not meet her demands at once. I'm the one with the OP. If anyone needed protection it was me. And I got it - even from the landlord. Sometimes right is right. And I am truly grateful that an outsider is finally able to pick up on her behavior. This helps me immensely. Rabbit hole = deep. We used to call it gall, now we call it an illness. Definition of GALL 1 a : bile; especially : bile obtained from an animal and used in the arts or medicine b : something bitter to endure c : bitterness of spirit : rancor 2 : brazen boldness coupled with impudent assurance and insolence insolent adjective \ˈin(t)-s(ə-)lənt\ : rude or impolite : having or showing a lack of respect for other people I am obviously the one making progress and learning. She, unfortunately for herself, is not. I'm still smoking like a fiend, but I'm not using alcohol. I suggest anyone suffering do the same. Avoid depressants at all costs. I fully expect, that at some point in the future, she will break the OP and hunt me down. Stay tuned... .and thank you all for being here. It truly means so much to me to know that I am not alone. Title: Re: Making genuine forward progress - observing - as shes paints the landlord black. Post by: enlighten me on November 25, 2014, 12:42:56 PM Hi sandman
Yes it is amazing how we fell for them and how others cant see them for what they are. Im in a similar situation where my ex is painting others black. Her old web of friends is unravelling as her behaviour has shown. She has a new man and new friends so her old friends are in the back of the toy cupboard. Im also learning as much as I can and though I cant forgive her for what she did I dont hate her but feel sorry for her. Title: Re: Making genuine forward progress - observing - as shes paints the landlord black. Post by: Sandman1881 on November 25, 2014, 12:46:16 PM Yes my friend and thank you. Do not breed hate. Forgiveness is the key to lock that keep us bound.
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