BPDFamily.com

I go silent. Every week and a few days its a barrage of texts(4-6)... she sends pictures and words, memories. Its like shes ripping open my wounds everytime they start to heal. It doesnt matter if i block her... this will just make her try harder shell find new avenues and i dont want her showing up... she will. Idk what to do. Part of me wants to be with her but part of me feels this contact isnt with those intentions. Just abandonment fears and trying to keep me as an attachment. But honestly i dont know whats going on in her mind maybe she does miss me and want me back... idk anymore. Shes so complex in thought process due to her unstable chaotic emotions i never know anything other than patterns with her.

Lost in the woods. Cant see the forest from the trees.

Im sorry you're struggling chasing ghosts... .

Luckily I can comfort you... .You dont need to see the forest from the trees. Try that and you'll end up in the enchanted forest and there you'll find the rabbit whole.

I can surely relate, I recycled dozens of times and at times when he reaches out its gut wrenching not to run back. I will give you my honest opinion and what I decided to do every time it happened... .

All you need to do is look at reality, look at actions not words! Forget what her intensions are! She's acting on a feeling she has in that moment, could take just a second for her to change her feelings and turn 180 degrees.

Please stay out of the fog. What do you want? What would your "perfect" woman be like/ act like. What do you want for YOUR future? Her thoughts don't matter now, YOUR thoughts do!

I am sure deep deep down you know you deserve so much better and you want better for yourself! The reason we go NC is to sort out this whirl wind of emotions. Try to not make decisions based on emotions, but try to stay smart, use your head and don't be manipulated!

If her texts have this affect on you, I'd advice you to change your phone number. I did that to and its a very free-ing thing! It only took a couple of seconds.

Keep taking care of you chasing ghosts. Stay with your own morals and values, do whats right for you! Love yourself enough to know you deserve better!

Big 

I like an ocean metaphor.  Her moods are like the ocean, sometimes calm and serene, sometimes choppy, sometimes raging and tidal, only to be followed by momentary calm, with whirlpools, eddies, unpredictable swirling.  And that's only the surface; there are treacherous depths there, unknown and easy to drown in, and it doesn't matter if you're in a barge or a dinghy, you will get swept up regardless.  Storms come, storms go, without reason and unpredictable, and you can crash against the rocks, or you can head for shore, scamper onto the beach, dry off, give the ocean the respect it's due for it's power, while realizing it doesn't care about you.  And you can wade in to test the waters again, you might last a while, you might get slammed by a wave, or you could decide to shift your focus to a nice, healthy lake, one with smaller waves and predictable currents, and depths of it's own of course, but warming, caressing, beautiful, mostly calm and stable.  And as you sit on the banks of that lake, comfortable in your own skin, you may hear of another ship that got slammed against the rocks back in the ocean, and you'll know what it went through, as the sun sets beyond your beautiful lake... .

Thanks for the in depth responses Recooperating and fromheeltoheal. They both gave me a really good perspectives.

She just texted me. "Stop ignoring me!"

*Le Sigh*

Mine used to text "I will not be ignored!" all the time too.  All different, yet all the same.

And when we consider being ignored is a form of being abandoned, it all makes sense through the BPD lens.  I love how she's still telling you what to do too.

Wow its like they follow a script.

Yea i kinda figured it was the whole abandonment fear issue.

For sure man it kinda makes me pissed shes telling me what to do. At the same time its kinda funny in an way since shes in no position to make such demands!

Its bull___ shes gotta pull this on my birthday. Just shows how selfish she really is. Like legit.

I was actually about to answer her right before she texted that to me... now meh not really feeling it.

So how long did this go on after you chose to stick to no contact heel that she texted this stuff and did it change up as time went on?

2 weeks seems to be my exh pattern.

It has always been... .2 weeks.

He can only do anything, for 2 weeks.

SO I have him blocked on every form of communication except email.

And every 2 weeks, he starts it up.

It's not "nice things"... .no... .he tries to manipulate me. He tries to make me feel bad.

He tries to regain the control he once had over me. He tries to gaslight me.

He tries to play 'flip the script' (which is stupid, because that game doesn't work via email, duh)

He tries to scare me... .

The whole purpose of this is to get me to give him what he wants, so that he can complain that it was wrong, bad, or not good enough.

He's screwed up in the head, and only God knows what's going on up there.

I hate this game.

Happy birthday Chasing!  And it's not a coincidence that she contacted you on your birthday, it's an attempt to see if you're susceptible and if there's still an attachment in place.


She tried a lot right after I left her, then it tapered off, and she'd try on days that were 'special', like the day we met or our anniversary, and she stopped all together after about 9 months.  The good news is that as the fog cleared and I learned about the disorder, her stuff became transparent and obvious, laughable and sad at the same time, and the important part was all the energy was gone, the messages meant nothing.  Hang in there, keep your resolve, and take care of you!