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What are your experiences with pwBPD and the holidays? - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's etc... .. Mine was a mess, she hated the holidays, never wanted gifts, and became very distant to me as she clung onto friends, went to parties alone, drank a lot etc. Does this sound familiar? Do you see the opposite? Thanks in advance for your answers.

Mine was not involved / engaged.

He was either watching TV / playing video games, or listening to his dad blather on.

*I* didn't like gifts from him (after the 15 year mark).

It was a tangible reminder that he was not invested in me or our marriage.

(20th wedding anniversary gift? Power cord for my computer, take out food, watched tv)

Receiving a gift from him was painful.

He only gave gifts when the Hallmark calender told him too. And even then, he 'forgot' half the time, or waited till the 11th hour and just gave me 'something'... .so he could say he 'gave me something'.

So it's not completely psycho that a woman does not want gifts! :)

It's a mess !

I haven't had any I mean any good holidays in Five years with my exBPD , no gifts either , just for her , and here we are , thinking of them , but why , I am now 5 months since B/u I think I know why but at the same time I don't want to know why I am ok with it as I go on ups and downs it's all good .

Today would be probably the first Thanks giving with her parents , I hope she goes through this day without creating a big drama, her parents walk on egg shells around her they know she could ruin the dinner .

I just hope she doubles her mask today or it will be a hell of a THXG dinner,, the turkey might come back from death  lol

That's  crazy -  a power cord?  lol

It's not psycho... .It's BPD.

On Valentines I gave her flowers and she told me she couldn't be in a relationship anymore

I've stopped thinking about what my ex is doing. She seemed fine around most other people except me. I was the emotional punching bag. In fact if she is with my replacement today, I hope the ass gets a double helping of crazy with gravy on top.

I'm pretty sure I'm not BPD... .but I still didn't like gifts from my abuser exh.

Yeah, a power cord. For the 20th wedding anniversary.

(( and believe it or not, it was one of the better gifts... .at least I needed a power cord! HA HA))

One year it was a rifle.

(( There was a shoot a friend of his went to... .and the friend said it was BIG FUN... .but you have to bring your own rifle and it has to be a specific KIND of rifle. Guess who got that specific kind of rifle for HER birthday. Me. Guess who could have cared less about the shoot. Me. Guess who NEVER shoots? Me. Guess who wanted to go to the shoot? Yep, him. ))

So there are other reasons why a woman would rather not receive gifts than the fact she has a BPD. :) :)

LOL

In the 4 years of "marriage" I can't remember one normal holiday we had together. She raged and was concerned much more with herself and others besides me on those days.

I don't think that I ever got an anniversary gift from my wife.  Not even a measly card.

I used to ask her to go out to eat to celebrate the anniversary, and she would always say that she didn't want to spend the money.

She always seemed to have money to go do stuff with her friends though.

As far as Christmas goes, she's obsessed with it.  I probably wouldn't be in debt as far as I am if it wasn't for Christmas and her constant spending.

The house has to have lights all over it, the tree has to be the biggest one.  The thing is, I'm the one who does all the work.  It's endless.  I have to climb up the ladder to put the lights up outside.  Its very windy here and a set always ends up going out or something.  So, I get to look forward to replacing lights after working all day and climbing up the cold metal ladder 30 feet in the air, with no one even holding it.

I also had to work endlessly on the live trees she would pick out (she finally settled on an artificial one a few years back).  I don't know if you guys have ever battled putting a 9 foot tall live Christmas Tree into a tree stand, but it is very aggravating.

Thanksgiving - She knew I was spending it alone and couldn't even take some time to come see me or figure out a way to spend it with me. Worst part was she went with her parents to a restaurant, literally a block away from my apartment and she never even though to invite me. I had co-workers who knew me for LESS time than she knew me and they were all inviting me to places. She couldn't even bother to tell her parents that a "friend" was alone for Thanksgiving.

Christmas - I got her a gift. She got me none under the assumption that we weren't doing gifts. For Christmas. Because you know, that's what people assume?

New Year's Eve - She was going to celebrate it at her sister's. She never invited me up until 2 days before when she said she assumed I had made other plans and that's why she didn't invite me. Truth was, all of her sister's friends would be there too and I don't think she wanted them to see me again, that'd further cement the thought of us being a couple to her. I don't think she really even wanted me there, to be honest.

Valentine's - I was only allowed to get her one flower. That's it. She even told me in advance. I told her I was taking her out for dinner that night, and she said, "As long as it's a dinner thing and not because of Valentine's"

Holidays with my ex sucked!  Especially Christmas!  He spent the whole entire holidays moping around bc he missed his family out of province.  And he would pick fights over ridiculous things.  He really got himself in a dysregulated state.  He had zero empathy that my family is also out of province and that two years I didn't have my daughter with me on Christmas day.  He was so self-absorbed.  He did buy me decent presents though, he would get me what I asked for, I always had to provide ideas.  I'm really looking forward to this Christmas, the first in 5 yrs that I can actually enjoy without walking on eggshells around Mr. mopey.

I don't think my BPDxgf was much different during the holidays than other time.  Meaning her neediness was exactly the same regarding her wanting me to spend every single second with her even if it meant blowing my 80 year old widowed mother off.   

Okay. Now this sounds like my ex. Were we dating the same person?  Mine accepted dinner on Christmas Eve with me and my Fam then cancelled at the last min. Made plans with me on NYE and then cancelled them last minute because she was sick, but then went out with her friends.

Interesting, as I just wrote in my last post. Mine showed the opposite behavior. Are they both BPD?

Yeah, I know how you feel. We usually spent Thanksgiving with her family, they would always throw a big get together with lots of family and friends there. However, they went on a trip up north this year, so ex didn't have anywhere to spend Thanksgiving.

I went out to an early Thanksgiving dinner with her kids Tuesday night. I asked what they were doing for Thanksgiving. Her 6yo daughter told me that they were going to spend Thanksgiving with new supply's family. Ha, ha, so much for what she told me before I moved out, "he's only a friend, I'm not in a relationship with him". So let me get this straight, he's only a friend, a sex partner, and you spend the holiday with his family. No, that obviously isn't a relationship.

Meanwhile, I have 4 ½ days off with nothing to do but sit here. I didn't expect to hear from her, and I don't expect to hear from her for Christmas, so it doesn't bother me too much. However, it pisses me off to know that she doesn't even care enough to say Happy Thanksgiving. I know that it's not nice to say this, but I hope that karma is real.

Mine ran off with my replacement abruptly a week before Christmas denying that there was anyone else.  It was the single most painful time in my life and even though it has been years... .I still associate the holidays with that.  Just can't shake it... .It REALLY damaged me.

I keep trying though.

So I guess she didn't think holidays were special in any way?  LOL!