BPDFamily.com

I've been with my husband for 25 yrs, married for 20. Met when I was only 18. I fell madly in love with him and was so young and inexperienced I did not see his faults or chose to ignore them!

He was selfish from the beginning, also obsessive and controlling. I turned a blind eye, he could walk on water in my eyes.

We married, both had great careers, then had 2 amazing children, I stopped work to raise them, they are my world.

Very early on he favorite sport was to put me down and humiliate me  infront of our friends and family, I would never argue back as I didn't want others to feel even more uncomfortable.

His own mother, over the years has told me to leave him. I wish I had listened.

His behavior has got worse over the last 5 years, Either that or my tolerance has disappeared.

He is verbally, emotionally and even sometimes physically abusive.

He brings up the same arguments over and over again, my kids now can recite the words he is going to say as it is always the same.

He accuses me of the most disgusting things, sleeping around before I met him. Being a ___, etc etc, all not true and all in front of our children.

He is obsessive about my 'past' , I had one boyfriend before I met him, he has emailed my friends pretending to be me to try and find more info, he has interrogated me over and over again, he then twists my words to suit his thoughts. He quotes things I said 25 yrs ago and will interrogate me again if my words now differ from my words then!

He can quickly 'come down ' from his emotional attack against me and is often shocked that I am still upset, I am 'overly sensitive'.

He is then angry when I do not want to be intimate with him!

If I criticize him at all he reverts back to what I call his 'factory settings' ... .You are a ___, you slept around, you are a liar etc etc etc.

He is overly hard on our son who challenges his dad constantly , most things our son does annoy him, I get in the middle and 'factory settings' start again.

Our daughter is very calm and does not.

His anger comes from nowhere, over stupid stuff like no parking space, me forgetting to buy milk, my children and I are continually walking on egg shells around him , judging his mood, watching what we say.

The problem is I cannot do this anymore, I HATE him. I cannot stand the way he treats this little family we created, I cannot stand that our children are being affected, I can no longer forgive him over and over and I have NOTHING but contempt for him.

I am however trapped, we moved  to the USA from the UK with his job (he has since been fired)

6 years ago. My kids are now 'American' and do not want to go back to the UK.

The career I gave up has moved on and I am finding it impossible to find work here that would enable me to support me and my children.

If I left him he would resign from his new job just to spite me.

I often think that I am safer with him than not. He has been physical with me, burst my ear drum etc but if I left him he would explode.

If I call the police on him he could be deported as we are not US citizens, for all his faults my kids do love him.

I feel totally trapped. For sure if we were still in the UK I would have left him as I would have a support network around me. He has kept us pretty isolated here, if I become too close to someone he finds reasons to dislike them and makes its difficult for me to have friendships.

He is on anti depressant and anxiety meds but is no better.

I Cannot stand him.

I feel for you!

How old are your children? Have you talked with them about the situation? Could they understand that you really have to do painful decisions in order to be safe physically and emotionally? Moving to UK for the time being ... ?

My good friend called the police when his partner got violent (golf club involved, about to fetch a rifle... .). That was the end of 20 years relationship. Children 16 and 13 said to her: Mom, it was about time, he has made hell out of your life. (Children and father still see each other, she does not see him). My friend was a wreck for a few months and then started to recover and find peace and happiness. Children are now studying and she is in a new relationship.

I wish you strength!